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Can't stop thinking about an Asperger's girl at work...

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rdos
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02 Aug 2022, 4:15 pm

klanka wrote:
So, in your opinion , what should someone do with a strong infatuation?


Just be natural and do whatever feels right & natural. Of course, provided it's mutual. One-sided infatuations are generally bad, but when they are mutual, they can become very rewarding.



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02 Aug 2022, 4:32 pm

If I met someone I had a mutual infatuation with, I would ask them to be in a relationship though



rdos
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02 Aug 2022, 4:41 pm

klanka wrote:
If I met someone I had a mutual infatuation with, I would ask them to be in a relationship though


Building a connection is primary, talking & asking about being together is just NT bagage. In fact, I don't think I ever asked somebody if we could be together. Already as a teenager, I felt that was completely wrong. Commitments are potentially temporary anyway, and no guarantee for anything long term. Building a strong connection, OTOH, always seems to be long term, regardless if there is verbal commitment or not.



klanka
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02 Aug 2022, 7:31 pm

So you're saying to leave things open and casual?

I think that was something predicted for me actually.

You seem to also be saying that talking too much kills it.



rdos
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03 Aug 2022, 4:15 am

klanka wrote:
So you're saying to leave things open and casual?


Rather that a strong connection is worth a lot more than a commitment. It's easy to change your mind and take back a commitment, but a strong connection can't be broken just like that.

klanka wrote:
You seem to also be saying that talking too much kills it.


Yes, because the more you can do through the connection rather than through talking, the stronger the connection becomes.



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03 Aug 2022, 4:44 am

It sounds like you mean a hook-up type relationship where it is mostly about sex, if talking is not how you build the connection.

In my case the talking built the connection I had, for me anyway.



rdos
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03 Aug 2022, 2:25 pm

Autistic infatuations & connections are certainly not about sex. That's why asexuality is common, particularly among autistic women. Sex is part of the dating culture where talking is the first step.

Hook-ups are typically not about feelings at all, and so cannot be related to the connections I talk about.



klanka
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03 Aug 2022, 4:16 pm

So how would you build a connection without much talking or sex



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03 Aug 2022, 5:11 pm

Personally, I can't stop wondering what an "Asperger's Girl" is.


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04 Aug 2022, 2:34 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Personally, I can't stop wondering what an "Asperger's Girl" is.


It's probably not the description I'd use now. All of this was new to me back when I started this thread. I'd never met someone like her before and to be honest I was a mess when I originally wrote it. She's an amazing and unique individual, who doesn't think like anyone else I've ever known. I think that's what I really meant.
(Sorry if it's offensive or anything.)



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04 Aug 2022, 6:28 am

SnPx wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Personally, I can't stop wondering what an "Asperger's Girl" is.


It's probably not the description I'd use now. All of this was new to me back when I started this thread. I'd never met someone like her before and to be honest I was a mess when I originally wrote it. She's an amazing and unique individual, who doesn't think like anyone else I've ever known. I think that's what I really meant.
(Sorry if it's offensive or anything.)

The OP reported she told him she had Asperger's also she's very young. So it seems a natural way for him to communicate the situation if not striving for self-censorship. When I, at age 32 met my wife who was then 27, I thought of her as a "girl". The requirement that nobody old enough to be a legitimate romantic or sex partner dare be thought of as a "girl" or "boy" had yet to come about.


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04 Aug 2022, 7:17 am

MaxE wrote:
The OP reported she told him she had Asperger's also she's very young. So it seems a natural way for him to communicate the situation if not striving for self-censorship. When I, at age 32 met my wife who was then 27, I thought of her as a "girl".


She is younger than me, so that was likely a factor. I wouldn't say "very young" though - just younger.



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04 Aug 2022, 7:31 am

I hope the guy this person is married to wouldn’t mind it if you two had a relationship.

I would feel sort of jealous, and sort of inadequate, if my wife had a Platonic yet affectionate relationship with another man—especially if they held hands. I would feel that I’m not “enough” for her.

On the other hand, I would want my wife to be happy, and I would tolerate the relationship unless it becomes intimate, and my wife starts disrespecting me, thinking me a cuckold.

There have been many situations like this throughout history—especially among people of an “artistic” bent.



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04 Aug 2022, 7:45 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I hope the guy this person is married to wouldn’t mind it if you two had a relationship.

I would feel sort of jealous, and sort of inadequate, if my wife had a Platonic yet affectionate relationship with another man—especially if they held hands. I would feel that I’m not “enough” for her.

On the other hand, I would want my wife to be happy, and I would tolerate the relationship unless it becomes intimate, and my wife starts disrespecting me, thinking me a cuckold.

There have been many situations like this throughout history—especially among people of an “artistic” bent.


She says that he doesn't but I don't if he knows how close we really are (or at least I think we are). I don't think anyone else knows we hold hands, we've only ever done that when we've been alone. I know my GF is jealous of our relationship.



klanka
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04 Aug 2022, 9:12 am

SnPx wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Personally, I can't stop wondering what an "Asperger's Girl" is.


It's probably not the description I'd use now. All of this was new to me back when I started this thread. I'd never met someone like her before and to be honest I was a mess when I originally wrote it. She's an amazing and unique individual, who doesn't think like anyone else I've ever known. I think that's what I really meant.
(Sorry if it's offensive or anything.)

Ok obviously you're in love after reading that description.



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04 Aug 2022, 9:29 am

klanka wrote:
SnPx wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Personally, I can't stop wondering what an "Asperger's Girl" is.


It's probably not the description I'd use now. All of this was new to me back when I started this thread. I'd never met someone like her before and to be honest I was a mess when I originally wrote it. She's an amazing and unique individual, who doesn't think like anyone else I've ever known. I think that's what I really meant.
(Sorry if it's offensive or anything.)

Ok obviously you're in love after reading that description.


It's very likely, but she's in love with someone else.