How Many Girlfriends/Boyfriends have You Had?

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So are you saying that, due to my Asperger, I am unaware of why things like torn clothes are "cool", so I don't wear them -- and as a result people say I am not individualistic enough. But, ironically, I am a lot more individualistic than they are -- which is precisely I don't do those things they are doing?

By the way, I noticed my mom doesn't like when I buy myself T-shirts with large letters on them. She prefers if my clothes just have a bunch of little lines or squares without anything written. Now, my mom's advice seems to be just the opposite to what you described. So do you think thats part of why I am single since my mom buys me most of the clothes?

At the same time I spoken to a couple of people -- other than my mom -- who told me they agree with her. From their perspective, I am too old to wear a clothes that looks like I am a teen, so if I wear "teen" kind of clothes people would think I am an older men who tries to pretend to be young with ulterior motive, which is creepy.

But then again, my mom didn't want me to wear teen type of clothes back when I was in high school either. I remember my high school coach gave me "football" T shirt and my mom didn't like it. So do you think what SHOULD have happened was for me to wear youth clothes back when I was youth, that would get me to fit in, and then after I fit in I stop wearing that clothes as I grow older, but I would have had a circle of friends to grow older with. But my mom prevented me from being a youth when I was a youth, so I didn't get that circle of friends, and now I have to start completely fresh as someone older and thats what society just isn't designed for.



How do you make a distinction between those two things?



That would be the one aspect where I strongly prefer modern society to the past one. Since I was 9 year old my goal was to become a famous physicist. So yeah, I very much do want to rise above whatever I started out with. I mean, what is even the point of life if all you do is just stay where you were born?

I guess the downside of it is that, if you are allowed to rise above, you are also allowed to fall below. Thus, if I go around unkept, that would be a way for me to "fall below" -- which is precisely what happened. In the past, they won't let you raise up (universities are only for some groups of people) but they won't let you fall either (if I go around unkept, I will still marry since they will set me up with someone). But right now I can go both ways.

I guess my grievance is that if I fall below due to the mistakes I made, I want a chance to change. But I am not given an opportunity to change. I am told to "be who you are". In other words, if I am born into something, it won't hold me back; but if I made a mistake, then it will. But I don't want the mistakes to hold me back either -- I can learn!! ! But I am not given that chance: I am sure they spread rumors about me that I am unkept, so if I decide not to be unkept it would be no use since their mind is made up.



Okay I am not trying to make anything worse for myself. I am just not sure what to do to improve my situation. What would you suggest?



Like what reasons? Can you be more specific?



When did I ever say I don't want sex after marriage? I kept talking about not wanting sex before marriage, yes, but I never once said I don't want it after marriage. Where did you get that from?

In fact, I kept talking about wanting kids. So how would you expect me to have kids if not for sex? I certainly don't want artificial insemination, since I find it morally questionable.

And, apart from having kids, yes I would enjoy sex regardless, like most people, I just want to be married so that it won't be a sin.



Yes I totally agree!! ! One thing that puzzles me about Americans is that they keep assuming that they are the most Christian ones, but thats simply not true: Eastern Europeans are in many ways a lot more Christian than Americans, but Americans aren't buying it.



As far as it "being done away with in the New Testament" there are multiple interpretations of the New Testament so there is ungoing debate between the Christians that think it was done away with and Christians that don't. For example, in http://www.therefinersfire.org they have a whole section trying to refute the Christians that think it was done away with and dissect those specific verses on how they can be interpretted differently.

Since you mentioned you have a friend who is sabbaterian, can you tell me what denomination he is? I know several different sabbaterian groups so I am wondering which one he is from.



I disagree here: I think complicating can be a good thing, since I want to know the truth and the truth can be complicated. In fact one of the problems with modern society is that they over-simplify things too much.



I don't know about England but here in the US there are a lot of Protestant churches that hold to conservative values pertaining homosexuality, divorce, abortion, etc. I know the churches I go to hold to the conservative values, and then there are sunday-churches that hold to them too, such as baptists and some others. On a flip side, there are churches that are liberal (such as Methodists and Presbiterians) but I can simply avoid them in favor of baptists. So its not that hard as long as I know which denominations to go to.

As far as Catholics, I am not sure they still hold to conservative values. I was assuming that Vatican 2 kinda ruined it? I guess I didn't read all of Vatican 2, the only thing I heard was that they said other religions are good, and from my perspective thats bad enough so I didn't look any further. But are you saying that their stance on homosexuality and family is still conservative -- despite the fact that they sounded liberal when it comes to accepting other religions?

As far as analogy with constitution, I guess it depends on what you liken to constitution. As a catholic, you say that constitution is when the catholic church was founded by Peter. But as a Protestant I would say that constitution is the Bible itself. Thats why both Protestants and Catholic argue that their respective churches hold to constitution better.



So what about Vatican 2, does pope's infallability extend to it?

I do interpretation of quantum field theory. In particular, back when I was studying quantum field theory, I was stuck on things that appear way too abstract and difficult to visualize, and so I spent several years trying to find a way to visualize them. Once I found the answers to my questions I posted them on the arXiv, but I can't get them published since nobody else relates to why its important for me, although for me the importance is obvious: I used to be stuck on those things, now I am not.

The good thing is that I wasn't doing "just" that -- I was, in parallel, doing causal set theory. So the good thing about it is that it was started by people other than me, so I don't have to justify why I am doing it. However, the bad part is that, even there, I decided to come up with my own approach -- which I thought would be good since I would be famous at least inside that group -- but no, it just made everyone ignore me.

In any case, I completted my first ph.d. in 2009, and now I am doing second ph.d.: the first was in physics and the second is in math. I still hope to become a physicist, but I can't get a job since I am not published. So, in order not to have to get non-academic job, I decided to go back to graduate school since this way at least I can get paid for being TA.

How about yourself? It says you are 23. Does it mean you are in graduate school as well? What are you specializing in?

That’s not the point I was making, which was much more general, but it is likely to be true.


The great tragedy of today’s world, in my view, is the lack of adults, considered emotionally, socially, morally and intellectually. At twenty-three, I feel I’m the only adult I know. I find it incredible, for instance, that men and women in their sixties and seventies still put on jeans and go to Rolling Stones concerts – who was there to tell them they ought to grow out of such things? Traditional civilisations like those of China, India, West Africa and Eastern Europe will predominate in the future, because the west no longer has the social capital to sustain its pre-eminence. The West is, in effect, what one might call a paedocracy. I ramble on about clothes so much on this site because they are such an unmistakeably clear illustration of this point, rather than being the point in itself; it’s only in the past generation or two that adults have continued, in large numbers, to dress in children’s clothes.

As for mere style tips, I’d suggest that you wear a dress shirt, formal trousers and shoes most of the time. You can’t go wrong, this way.

You’ll never regain your youth. I myself had no childhood or adolescence, but have come to terms with it.



I’m not sure what distinction you mean.


You don’t need to listen to idiots one way or the other. I’ve never done.


For your bachelorhood? It would be unfair on you, given that I don’t know you, for me to suggest any. You’ve already stated that you aren’t a snappy dresser; perhaps that’s a start.



I’ve always found American Christianity pretty superficial, being so informed by American pop culture; in it, Jesus is a rock star, a hippy, a lover, a friend, a Marxist activist, a Vietnam demonstrator – in short, anything you want him to be, other than the living Son of God. Frankly, I find this state of affairs blasphemous and also personally insulting. Christianity must be solemn, and even austere. I still think there are enough serious Christians in America to put every Western European to shame, though.


I’m not entirely sure. I don’t think he adheres to any denomination, which I’ve called him up on.



I don’t think so. It’s the attempt to over-rationalise things which is the chief danger of the modern world.



None of the Protestant Churches in Britain are much good, even the Baptists.



Personally, I wholly approve of what I know of the changes made at Vatican II, but for the changes made to the Order of Mass, which is vastly less beautiful now, and the subsequent replacement of the Douay-Rheims Bible with uglier, more modern translations.

I didn't date anyone until I was 24 and now single at 27 it's still just one girlfriend.

Yes this where Hollywood gets it really wrong. know Steve Carrell's character in "40 Yr old virgin" is fiction, it gives the impression that 40+ yr old men get can get attention from younger single women which is not really the case unless the aforementioned women are desperate and looking for casual hookups or sugar daddies.

Interesting that you mentioned "casual hookups". Are you saying there is a perception that older men are players and won't commit? I also heard a different stereotype that older men are sex-obsessed and creepy. Why do they have those stereotypes? As far as committment, it would be logical for an older man TO commit since he doesn't have much time left to play around, and as far as creepiness, it would be logial for YOUNGER men to be creepier, since they are the ones with a bunch of hormones. So why do the stereotypes say the opposite?

Or could it be because if an older man isn't taken then there is something about him that made him single -- in other words he must have been non-committer and creepy all his life, and thats the only explanation why he is still single? In my case thats not true: I am still single because I have Asperger. But are you saying that girls think "even if its not A or B, it might be all kinds of other things, but something must be wrong with me if I am still single at this age". Is THAT why they wouldn't trust older men -- beyond the "casual hookup"?

2 relationships, 2 FWBs, currently single.

Well yes, (there is a lot to unpack here but I'll give it a shot). For a younger woman (let's say 20-40) they have more options than younger men in that they are attracting attention from both men in their own age group but also older single men who would prefer to be with a younger girl.

The vast majority of these single girls only focus on men in their age group whether it be long term or casual hookups. They simply don't need to seek older men.

A small minority of younger girls don't mind casual relationships with older men but there are conditions. Many of these girls can have their pick and will go for the George Clooney/Brad Pitt older males who dress well and have money. If these men are wealthy then they can also attract younger wife (we see this all the time).

There are however thousands of young girls who sign up for sugar daddy websites who will be willing to have casual relationships with any older man but this is contingent on the male having lots of money.

If you are older and have an average income then this source will be fairly dry and you are left with young girls who might have a sexual fetish for older men...or looking for a father figure....otherwise you will have to focus on women in the 40+ age bracket.

If you are seeking older single women then yes avoid either divorcees with grown up kids or cat women who prefer living alone. Again the suitable candidates are in short supply as they get snapped up like "bargains in a sale". There are older women with low self-esteem who you have to search for (as they are not not advertising) and those with excessively high self-esteem who are advertising but very picky.

I think in the end you may have to settle for a nice lady who is divorced and may or may not have kids. Remember to win these women over you will have to win over their kids as well or at least give the impression you like them.

And there's women like me and a few others I know who have always been single, no kids, no divorces. We do exist.

You will find a nice single man. Have patience. Don't rush in.

I was more complaining about cyberdad's list of female stereotypes.

Yep

The thread title and the poll are asking rather different things.

I was multitasking!

Nice bit of cross referencing of threads there.

I've had eight that I know of.
I'm not in a relationship now.
I've never been married.