Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Statistics that makes me enraged

Page 7 of 7 [ 109 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Previous topic | Next topic

The Grand Inquisitor
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Aug 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,765

03 Dec 2019, 9:16 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
This is really simple (the advice, not the actual “work” involved):

Stop overthinking this. Start finding opportunities to socialize more and make friends. How could that hurt? Maybe you could develop a relationship with a friend or a friend of a friend. Sometimes friends set other friends up. I actually dated someone in this manner.

If you have no friends, a woman might wonder why. That’s sort of a red flag.

Perhaps put a relationship on the back burner for now and just work on putting yourself out there instead. Maybe join some group centered around a special interest.

I'm not sure whether this was directed at me or not, but I'll reply as though it was.

I don't know how or where to find opportunities to socialise with like-minded women. If I did, I'd give them a try.

I do have friends, which is largely why making friends isn't a priority of mine. All my close friends are male though.

I'm not currently going all out to pursue a relationship, and I am focusing on improving other areas of my life. I've lost 45 pounds since July and my BMI is almost out of the obese range. That doesn't mean that the desire to have a girlfriend goes away, or that I stop thinking about it entirely.

I understand it's not overly likely that I'm going to find someone at this point, but given how few women I'm meeting, and how I don't leave my house all that often, I'm not sure that I'm even giving myself a fighting chance.


It wasn’t directed at you.

Losing 45 pounds is awesome!

Working on self improvement is very proactive. If you could find social opportunities, that’d be even better. Are there any groups at your local library you could join? Are there any classes you could take where you’d be likely to meet people, perhaps any centered around fitness or another type of activity you’d be interested in?

Not any groups that I'm aware of. I don't really go to the library anyway. Not sure about classes either. Some of the problem is probably that there isn't a broad range of things that I'm interested in, and those that I am interested in tend to be male-dominated

I haven't really gotten into fitness yet. There's some work I'd like to do solitarily before I consider fitness groups or anything like that. My weight loss so far has pretty much all been diet.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,106
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

04 Dec 2019, 3:08 am

It seems everything makes you enraged.

Chill dude.



TwilightPrincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2016
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 29,906
Location: Hell

04 Dec 2019, 7:30 am

Marknis wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
When was the last time you asked someone to go on a coffee date?

What does asking a person out for coffee have to do with one’s biological age?


It was back in 2017. I thought the year would be a fresh start since I was going back to college for the first time in years and I had someone on this forum (Alliekit) cheering me on but my hopes were dashed.

I meant that because I missed out on so many milestones in my developmental years that my remaining years are set in stone.


You can think that if you want to because it absolves you from needing to bother putting forth any effort, but not trying since 2017 suggests to me that failing to try and make adjustments as needed is the real problem here.

No one’s life is “set in stone.” People can grow and change throughout their lives whether they’re neurodiverse or not. Saying otherwise suggests laziness and an unwillingness to try.

You can’t get a coffee date because you haven’t tried hard enough.



Marknis
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Jan 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,960
Location: The Vile Belt

04 Dec 2019, 10:02 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
When was the last time you asked someone to go on a coffee date?

What does asking a person out for coffee have to do with one’s biological age?


It was back in 2017. I thought the year would be a fresh start since I was going back to college for the first time in years and I had someone on this forum (Alliekit) cheering me on but my hopes were dashed.

I meant that because I missed out on so many milestones in my developmental years that my remaining years are set in stone.


You can think that if you want to because it absolves you from needing to bother putting forth any effort, but not trying since 2017 suggests to me that failing to try and make adjustments as needed is the real problem here.

No one’s life is “set in stone.” People can grow and change throughout their lives whether they’re neurodiverse or not. Saying otherwise suggests laziness and an unwillingness to try.

You can’t get a coffee date because you haven’t tried hard enough.


I don’t know what to focus on because I constantly fear that opportunities will pass me by if I am not looking for a relationship even though I am socially isolated.

I’ve tried to get out of my rut in various ways for the last few years but I keep hitting dead ends and I keep getting discouraged. Alliekit told me she would post a celebratory thread for me when I finally got a girlfriend but it will never happen now since not only is she gone from this place but I just can’t get a girlfriend no matter what I try.



TwilightPrincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2016
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 29,906
Location: Hell

04 Dec 2019, 11:20 am

Marknis wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
When was the last time you asked someone to go on a coffee date?

What does asking a person out for coffee have to do with one’s biological age?


It was back in 2017. I thought the year would be a fresh start since I was going back to college for the first time in years and I had someone on this forum (Alliekit) cheering me on but my hopes were dashed.

I meant that because I missed out on so many milestones in my developmental years that my remaining years are set in stone.


You can think that if you want to because it absolves you from needing to bother putting forth any effort, but not trying since 2017 suggests to me that failing to try and make adjustments as needed is the real problem here.

No one’s life is “set in stone.” People can grow and change throughout their lives whether they’re neurodiverse or not. Saying otherwise suggests laziness and an unwillingness to try.

You can’t get a coffee date because you haven’t tried hard enough.


I don’t know what to focus on because I constantly fear that opportunities will pass me by if I am not looking for a relationship even though I am socially isolated.

I’ve tried to get out of my rut in various ways for the last few years but I keep hitting dead ends and I keep getting discouraged. Alliekit told me she would post a celebratory thread for me when I finally got a girlfriend but it will never happen now since not only is she gone from this place but I just can’t get a girlfriend no matter what I try.


It sounds like you’ve not been trying very hard.

If you used half the energy that you exert by posting these threads into working on socialization skills, branching out, and looking for social opportunities in which you could meet new people, you’d almost certainly have a girlfriend within a year.



Marknis
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Jan 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,960
Location: The Vile Belt

04 Dec 2019, 11:34 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
When was the last time you asked someone to go on a coffee date?

What does asking a person out for coffee have to do with one’s biological age?


It was back in 2017. I thought the year would be a fresh start since I was going back to college for the first time in years and I had someone on this forum (Alliekit) cheering me on but my hopes were dashed.

I meant that because I missed out on so many milestones in my developmental years that my remaining years are set in stone.


You can think that if you want to because it absolves you from needing to bother putting forth any effort, but not trying since 2017 suggests to me that failing to try and make adjustments as needed is the real problem here.

No one’s life is “set in stone.” People can grow and change throughout their lives whether they’re neurodiverse or not. Saying otherwise suggests laziness and an unwillingness to try.

You can’t get a coffee date because you haven’t tried hard enough.


I don’t know what to focus on because I constantly fear that opportunities will pass me by if I am not looking for a relationship even though I am socially isolated.

I’ve tried to get out of my rut in various ways for the last few years but I keep hitting dead ends and I keep getting discouraged. Alliekit told me she would post a celebratory thread for me when I finally got a girlfriend but it will never happen now since not only is she gone from this place but I just can’t get a girlfriend no matter what I try.


It sounds like you’ve not been trying very hard.

If you used half the energy that you exert by posting these threads into working on socialization skills, branching out, and looking for social opportunities in which you could meet new people, you’d almost certainly have a girlfriend within a year.


I don’t see how I could try harder. I went to a f*****g Meet Up group for a few years, jumped into conversations when I could, and put up with the endurance of staying for hours until it got to where I couldn’t bear it anymore. I even paid for speed dating services and they ended up being emotionally damaging. I also thought I made a new friend that year but she never communicated with me after exchanging contact info even when I initiated conversation.

Others have told me it would take me longer than a year, maybe even another 13 or even 31 years because I am considered “messed up”. They also tell me living with my mother curtails any chance of having a girlfriend even if I became confident. Any amount of time feels daunting to me and it makes me feel like I will snap.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

04 Dec 2019, 11:38 am

Don't do speed dating...just don't.....



Marknis
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Jan 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,960
Location: The Vile Belt

04 Dec 2019, 11:41 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Don't do speed dating...just don't.....


I learned that the hard way but the failure still damaged me. I thought things were turning around but they didn’t.

I still feel sad that Alliekit couldn’t post a celebratory thread for me.



Dog1
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 18 Apr 2019
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 137

04 Dec 2019, 9:21 pm

Fnord wrote:
:roll: It never ceases to amaze me how many men presume to 'know' what motivates women, when women themselves don't even seem to know.  If men truly knew what motivated women, there would be no lonely men, and no man would ever again complain that women pay no attention to them.


The lonely men (as has been stated many times) are the nice, nurturing men.

The fact that most women don't know what motivates them, is something that many jerk men take advantage of, and is part of the reason they can manipulate them.

This is part of the very reason why there are lonely men to begin with.



cubedemon6073
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,958

04 Dec 2019, 9:24 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
When was the last time you asked someone to go on a coffee date?

What does asking a person out for coffee have to do with one’s biological age?


It was back in 2017. I thought the year would be a fresh start since I was going back to college for the first time in years and I had someone on this forum (Alliekit) cheering me on but my hopes were dashed.

I meant that because I missed out on so many milestones in my developmental years that my remaining years are set in stone.


You can think that if you want to because it absolves you from needing to bother putting forth any effort, but not trying since 2017 suggests to me that failing to try and make adjustments as needed is the real problem here.

No one’s life is “set in stone.” People can grow and change throughout their lives whether they’re neurodiverse or not. Saying otherwise suggests laziness and an unwillingness to try.

You can’t get a coffee date because you haven’t tried hard enough.


Quick question: What do you consider trying hard enough?



cubedemon6073
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,958

04 Dec 2019, 9:27 pm

Marknis wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Don't do speed dating...just don't.....


I learned that the hard way but the failure still damaged me. I thought things were turning around but they didn’t.

I still feel sad that Alliekit couldn’t post a celebratory thread for me.


Why didn't you and her get together?



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

04 Dec 2019, 9:32 pm

She had a fiance.



Marknis
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Jan 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,960
Location: The Vile Belt

05 Dec 2019, 1:57 am

She once posted in 2018 after she stopped posting regularly in 2017.