Do women simply just dislike Aspie men?

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The biggest obstacle I keep running into in regards to making friends is that both men and women who have social groups already aren’t usually interested in making new friends so it’s like the game or concert ended before I knew about it or my invitation to the party got lost in the mail.

Last edited by Marknis on 27 Apr 2020, 5:56 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Others on here have suggested that I make male friends to improve on my chances of attracting women,which does seems to work for many men.The problem is that even when I had male friends in the past,women would give their attention towards my friends,while mostly ignoring me.Women really didn't treated me much differently when I had males friends as they do now.I guess one difference is that women didn't see me as loner back then,but my chances are about the same now as say 10-15 years ago.I'm trying to not give up on hope as of yet,but the older I get,the most hopeless I feel about my situation when it comes to romantic relationships. I doubt most women would a virgin in their mid 30s. It doesn't help when women tend to date up,unless the guy is very charming or has great social skills,which I have neither.

I definitely think both men and women should be seen as collections of individuals at the end of the day.



I sometimes do but lately I haven’t. It’s a combination of not knowing what to say and feeling like leaving this place.

Last edited by Marknis on 27 Apr 2020, 5:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I prefer the Norwegian Satyricon.

Watch for the social butterflies, they're often the key to being +1'd into the group, especially with more 'subcultured' individuals.

Meat Beat Manifesto’s Satyricon is my favorite electronica album.

I don't recall saying anything about having male friends, that is one of the things I would have no clue whether it helps or not since I do not feel any kind of romantic inclinations toward anyone, so can't even say whether that would make me more interested or not. But like I said, the future is not set in stone, not even by past experiences (though I do understand just how hard that can be to believe sometimes). For what little it's worth, if I were romantically and sexually inclined I would actually prefer to have a significant other who was a virgin regardless of age because I'd know for sure that they wouldn't give me any STDs, and if neither of us had any prior experience, we could learn together, which might help strengthen the bond. But I know that I am very different from most other women, including others who are on the autism spectrum, so I get it if my words don't mean much. In any case, I do sincerely hope you can find a woman who will accept you as you are and with whom you can have an excellent relationship, even if I can't really do anything to help that happen.

I'm pretty sure MBM and Opeth are both bands I found while looking for something else. Opeth have an album called Orchid, but I was looking for the band Orchid (the hardcore band from MA, not the newer hard rock band from CA).

NTs being brutally honest and rational?

Good one.



Yes,
You have mentioned you have a wife.
You are definitely less autistic than many of us.



Having a high IQ isn't that unusual if you are on the spectrum.
I think there is more to it, in your case.



That is a rather presumptuous statement.

So your premises seem to be:
-You have the wisdom to give sage advice.
-Finding a significant other is the ultimate goal.

Sorry to burst your bubble,
But there is more than one interpretation of this life system.
Some of us have transcended social indoctrination.



Interesting.
You see the lack of finding a significant other an unfortunate state of affairs,
And being stoic is a way to alleviate this loss.

I, on the other hand,
See being a slave to social conditioning as an unfortunate state of affairs.
And, being able to *manage* our instinctual needs, is an indication, a manifestation, of life wisdom and emotional maturity.

Huh.

Is there a study that proves that though? I don't feel it's true.

My problem with dating and friends is money and the fact due to being disabled I don’t have much of it.

I learnt a lot about autism, about 24 years ago, from Tony Attwood.
I have engaged in metacognition,
And I have made a lot of observations, on both sides of the neurological divide.

Now now, play fair:
I never wrote rational
Incoherent and nonsensical would be closer the mark, but still: data points to be assimilated as to the internal subjectivity of whom you’re dealing with
Brutal refers to the emotional experience of being in the receiving end of their explanations: they weren’t happy with me when they delivered them!

I’m inclined to agree with you there, I did once mention something along those lines to her. She was most amused.
”You? High functioning? Bordering on not worth diagnosing? The very fact you’re oblivious to how much amateur support you’re getting every day just to function as a drop-out by the standards of your class proves you wrong there babe.”
Hmmm... ...maybe I struggle more than I let on here

Well, I can also be quite arrogant.
(obviously why would anyone mention their IQ in this type of conversation if they weren’t )

You got me there!
See above, I can be an arrogant little sod... spent most of my teens and twenties assuming the reason why everyone around me thought I was “out of it” was because they were thick. This probably has some relationship to giving thirteen year olds IQ tests being not always a great idea.

Not quite, in reverse order:
• These guys are using a lot of negative words and phrases to describe their singleness, ergo getting a significant other is probably an important goal to them.
• I appear to have succeeded there: let’s see if I can rifle through my memory and come up with anything: anecdote, hypothesis, passed on tip from someone who helped me, whatever: it might help, it might not... can’t know without trying.
Yeah, I’ve read Nietzsche too.
10/10 postmodernism score btw

Well, to be unable to do something is only a loss if the human in question either needs or desires to do it... given my interpretation of the language used in the posts I was initially responding too I was writing under the assumption that the desire was there, and currently thwarted.
Ooh! How many Nietzsche books have you got on your shelf?
I’ve got nine
I’ve got this nagging suspicion that I’m not the only one with an arrogance issue

I’ve got another suspicion that you’re probing me to see how I respond.
Hope I’m giving good sport

The thing is, I didn't need to read about Nietzsche to work it out.
Life experience taught me the lessons.

Presumably, someone here can verify I only looked into the philosophy of Nietzsche recently.
I wasn't particularly impressed with his lack of imagination.
His philosophy oriented itself around neurotypicals, not those on the spectrum.
And as such, it doesn't really relate to us, in any great depth.

I am simply making an observation here:
You seem to embrace a commitment of this life system.
I don't, and I think that gives me a better perspective on the influences of social conditioning.



As I have mentioned,
I am using my own life wisdom.
I only started reading philosophy recently.
Others can verify this.

You are mistaken about me embracing hubris.
I have a lot of self-confidence, these days, but I am not an arrogant person.
I'm not interested in being an alpha male.
I'm not interested in machismo.
I don't have a high regard for social hierarchism, generally.
I am not ego-driven.
Hard to believe, huh?



Not really.
I've noticed you are into "Gamesmanship".
That is all I really need to know.

And I don't really need to probe.
People offer all manner of information whether they want to or not.
This is applicable to most people: "You see, but you do not observe.” ― Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, A Scandal in Bohemia.”

I am not "most people",
Usually.

Haven't kept up with this thread and I apologise for that. As a woman in a relationship with an aspie I have to say that the most challenging difficulty for me is simply the different callibration of my aspies' emotional capacity and our being unable to interact effectively on an emotional level. As an NT I don't care about wealth or status, high IQ is sexy, blunt honesty is sometimes endearing and often infuriating.
My particular aspie seems to think my likes, dislikes are identical to his, he projects himself on to me, as a reflection of what he is feeling, and is flabbergasted when I say, no that's not what I feel at all, and if my opinion is different, well, I am frequently just wrong or dumb. When a guy doesn't pick up on the emotional "energy" (I can do that) of sadness or anger or indirect phrases and facial expressions, it feels better to simply be on your own rather than feel totally invalidated. Some of the married guys here frankly have a higher emotional intelligence than most NT men I know, it's remarkable, we all know who they are, but my aspie "friend" is unable to sense anything but himself. He feels deeply for others but he cannot sense their emotions or empathise at a critical moment, there is much compassion but his responses are often inappropriate.Without emotional bonding, a connection, a relationship lacks depth and intimacy to me as an NT woman, but that's just me. Compromise doesn't seem to exist in all my aspie friends lexicons, what is that word? Compromise is essential when two people coexist long term.
It sounds an awful cliche, but I think if an aspie guy loves a woman enough then I believe that this is the secret code to attaining a fulfilling successful relationship. Loving someone enough gives us incredible motivation to search what we can change in ourselves, not change ourselves of course but have the sensitivity to self-examine and look at ourselves objectively and modify what we are doing wrong, to sustain a relationship with the one we love. A man in love will not give up, he will regroup and try something else until he gets it right. Love is the missing parameter that is rarely discussed in L&D. There is talk about looks, statistics, special interests and status but that is never enough to sustain a long term relationship. I love my aspie to bits and he is still trying, but I am not as "needy" as most NT women.I would prefer the title of this thread to be changed from "dislike" to "emotionally distanced from."

I hope this is not too painful to read, but I believe this thread requires an NT womans' perspective

Edited following Magnas' enlightening comments.

Last edited by Teach51 on 28 Apr 2020, 1:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hmmm... well, it appears I’ve misread both you and your intentions: and probably owe you an apology on that basis.

Sorry Pepe, I genuinely thought you were trying to push me into a corner and see how I reacted: probably have some shadows of paranoia lurking in my cranium that could do with addressing.

Had to look “gamesmanship” up: interesting, wasn’t aware I was doing that.
Maybe I need to be told specifically what I’ve been doing that comes under that term to see it and try better.