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Young woman at the gas station

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RightGalaxy
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19 Aug 2020, 6:58 pm

CubsBullsBears wrote:
Talked to my therapist about this situation. She said that it’s possible that the girl thought that I was giving her a piece of paper for her to throw away and never even looked at it. I suppose that I could go back to the store and if I get a chance to talk to her with no one around, I’ll ask her if she saw it and see how she responds. I still think the odds of having a relationship with her are low at this point, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t explore this possibility.


CBB :heart: A date is not a relationship. How do you know that you'd want a relationship with this girl? Can you write five reasons why you would want a relationship with her and NEVER even dated her? Talk to your therapist more and it wouldn't hurt to read this little pamphlet:
Dating: It's Not Relationshipping (and That's a Good Thing)
by Faith G. Harper, PhD, LPC-S, ACS, ACN Author
Description:
Dating used to be a thing that most people did for a while. Now it's faded to take up a cramped and awkward space in between hooking up and instantly moving into together. If you woke up all alarmed and find yourself wanting all that old s**t, letters and sodas, read this zine and get on with doing the stuff that makes up dating. Like having FUN, remember that? And trusting your guts. And taking it slow. Microcosm Publishing bestseller Dr. Faith breaks it down for you with good boundaries, wise counsel, funny jokes, and of course lots of swearing.
You can order it from microcosmpublishing.com



cyberdad
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19 Aug 2020, 9:10 pm

CubsBullsBears wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
If you’re running out of gas, and that gas station is the only one open for miles, it would be ridiculous to not go to that gas station just because this girl works there.
There’s others nearby I can go to. I’m not worried about that.


Yeah but there's hundreds here waiting to hear how you fared with this lass. Let's take bets....



eyelessshiver
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20 Aug 2020, 3:36 pm

cyberdad wrote:
eyelessshiver wrote:
I had a kind of reverse situation, but not altogether different. I used to work in a customer service job (for a couple years) where I saw many of the same customers daily (I was in my mid to late 20s at this point). There was a lady who came in as a regular, and I thought she might've been flirting with me (it seemed likely to me). After what I think was months of this, I finally got up the guts to ask her out. She said she was interested, so I was excited. It was pretty awkward, though. First I gave her my number and she said she'd call, but never did. Then she kind of stopped coming in for a while. Then she started coming back again, and I suggested maybe it'd work if she gave me her number and I called her. In the end I found I was kind of being pushy with her, like having to keep following up, but she was sending mixed signals so I was confused. First it was that she was too busy with final exams, then she was going on a trip, etc., but she would say she did want to go out sometime, but kept putting it off.


Young girls (I don't know her age) are notorious for changing their minds.

Picture this: the girl really does like you and promises to catch up but then she phones her best friend to share the news who proceeds to becomes jealous and additionally also doesn't want to share her best friend with some random dude so she "poisons the well" and discourages her BF from meeting you.


She was 34, but...she acted a bit immaturely. I was 27. She emphasized how she was "way older than me" but I didn't have a problem with it, and she seemed open to it anyway. The above thing you suggested did sound possible. She mentioned she would be going to her home state to see her family for a long weekend, and wanted to go out with me once she got back...and would call, but then she never did. She was emphatic as well, saying things like "definitely" and "totally", regarding us going out for dinner or something, she sounded serious about it anyway. I feel like she might've had some conversation with a friend or something that changed her mind...at this point she was moving soon, so it didn't matter that much, but all I really wanted was a straight answer from her, and I thought it was at least worth going out one time after all this back and forth and stuff. I don't get why some people make things so complicated. She should've just been more up front with me from the start.



The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Aug 2020, 4:01 pm

CubsBullsBears wrote:
Boo, the way you’re saying all the things you’ve been saying makes it seem like you don’t want me to have a relationship. How many more things do you have to say is so wrong for me to do? You know you’re the only one who’s been so harsh towards me on this thread, right? Perhaps there’s a reason why that is.

Oh, and you also called me unattractive. :roll:


Because you're doing foolish and self-humiliating things, let alone begging for trouble with law enforcers; stop with this cold approach to stranger sales women which would only perceived as creepy or desperate. Winning the lottery has a higher chance.

And stop listening to those here who are like "aww this is romantic, give it a shot".



RightGalaxy
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20 Aug 2020, 4:11 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
CubsBullsBears wrote:
Boo, the way you’re saying all the things you’ve been saying makes it seem like you don’t want me to have a relationship. How many more things do you have to say is so wrong for me to do? You know you’re the only one who’s been so harsh towards me on this thread, right? Perhaps there’s a reason why that is.

Oh, and you also called me unattractive. :roll:


Because you're doing foolish and self-humiliating things, let alone begging for trouble with law enforcers; stop with this cold approach to stranger sales women which would only perceived as creepy or desperate. Winning the lottery has a higher chance.

And stop listening to those here who are like "aww this is romantic, give it a shot".


Boo gives "tough love". But he's right. :|



eyelessshiver
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20 Aug 2020, 4:20 pm

Also just my thoughts for OP...

IMO this kind of thing ideally has to be a conversation, it can't just be the scrap of paper. Here's why:

The call will feel awkward for her (you don't want this). She's now looking at the number and thinking..."ok, so what, I'm just supposed to call him...say 'oh hi it's Anne from the gas station'?" doesn't feel right somehow. That'd be too easy for you, tbh. It's never that easy. If she's like practically crazy about you, then she'd probably call. But if she's just moderately interested, she may very well not call for that reason.

It's too much pressure for the first call. Already those first calls feel like a lot, and that's if you've already talked about having a call. Probably the best way to do it is to exchange names and numbers openly, and you have to build a little something first...have a few conversations about things, maybe with some playful conversation, you ask her about herself etc.

I'd suggest flirting with her a bit more actively. Get to know her a bit, maybe learn her name, etc. Hitting on her at work isn't necessarily a bad thing. Even if there're others around, you can make it subtle and it just seems friendly to the casual passerby. You kind of build something with her gradually over time. And if there aren't others around, then that's not such a horrible time for it. She's probably bored as hell working that job.

So yeah, your idea of going back there eventually is probably not a bad idea if you want to pursue the opportunity. Doing the note was probably not the best option. Maybe you don't even bring it up again...pretend the whole thing never happened, I don't know.

I've been kind of on your end...although it was more clear the person at the counter was flirting with me, happened a number of times, we even got each other's names etc. Unfortunately I just wasn't quite attracted to them enough to ask for a date, but I think they would've said yes at that point.



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20 Aug 2020, 5:52 pm

Quote:
So yeah, your idea of going back there eventually is probably not a bad idea if you want to pursue the opportunity. Doing the note was probably not the best option. Maybe you don't even bring it up again...pretend the whole thing never happened, I don't know.


If you do see her again, I definitely suggest acting normal and pretending the note didn't happen (unless SHE is the one to bring up the note herself). Play it cool 8)

Here is why: if you did to go up to her and ask why she hasn't called or texted or what she thought of the note, it puts her in a corner and 99% likely will make her feel uncomfortable (and kill any chance you may have had).

As a general rule women get nervous about receiving threats or violence from men that they reject. I know you are not like that, but if any man in her past ever treated her this way, she's already programmed to be nervous about it from new men from that point forward.


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20 Aug 2020, 7:23 pm

Cynicism makes everyone mistreat each other, it's a slippery slope, not a battle of the sexes.


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20 Aug 2020, 9:58 pm

eyelessshiver wrote:
The above thing you suggested did sound possible. She mentioned she would be going to her home state to see her family for a long weekend, and wanted to go out with me once she got back...and would call, but then she never did.


Oh yes, family are another obstacle to developing a relationship. I had an experience with a girl who I was dating talking to me on her landline phone (this is back in the early 1990s) and I could hear her father, she excused herself and put the phone down thinking I couldn't hear her (but I heard everything).

Her father and mother could audibly be heard telling their daughter is she still talking to that "loser" (that would be me) that she could do much better. Listening covertly I realised this was destined to be a waste of my time.



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20 Aug 2020, 10:41 pm

CubsBullsBears wrote:
I'm not gonna spend time clinging to whatever little hope is left that this girl will change her mind after 36 hours of her not texting me. I've been rejected too many times to think that a miracle might happen.

I've been in this same cycle for several years now. I've had a girl who went to a homecoming dance with only for her to get caught up in her friend drama and not talk to me after that, I had a girl who I had a strong connection with, only for her to slowly fade away from me without any explanation, I had a girl who refused to go to a homecoming dance with me all because she "already had someone else in mind(in other words, she didn't even have a date)". This past February, a girl went on 2 dates with me in less than a week, only for her to stop making an effort to fit me inter her schedule.

Those are just the past instances that stump me to this day. There's way more than that, of course. And now here's a female who seemed genuinely happy to see me every time I walked into the store that she worked at, only for her to not text me at all when I gave her my number.

It really makes me confused and more depressed the more this keeps happening. I felt this sort of thing in, let's say my sophomore year in HS, and I'm now 20 and nothing's changed. Yes, I was in a few relationships, but none of them were ones I really want to have.


It was a longshot.
Pretty girls are rarely without a boyfriend after all.
It doesn't hurt to try, as long as you don't beat yourself up about it afterwards.



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20 Aug 2020, 10:51 pm

RightGalaxy wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
CubsBullsBears wrote:
Boo, the way you’re saying all the things you’ve been saying makes it seem like you don’t want me to have a relationship. How many more things do you have to say is so wrong for me to do? You know you’re the only one who’s been so harsh towards me on this thread, right? Perhaps there’s a reason why that is.

Oh, and you also called me unattractive. :roll:


Because you're doing foolish and self-humiliating things, let alone begging for trouble with law enforcers; stop with this cold approach to stranger sales women which would only perceived as creepy or desperate. Winning the lottery has a higher chance.

And stop listening to those here who are like "aww this is romantic, give it a shot".


Boo gives "tough love". But he's right. :|


I would call it "Aspie Blunt Honesty". :wink:



RightGalaxy
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21 Aug 2020, 9:23 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
CubsBullsBears wrote:
Boo, the way you’re saying all the things you’ve been saying makes it seem like you don’t want me to have a relationship. How many more things do you have to say is so wrong for me to do? You know you’re the only one who’s been so harsh towards me on this thread, right? Perhaps there’s a reason why that is.

Oh, and you also called me unattractive. :roll:


Because you're doing foolish and self-humiliating things, let alone begging for trouble with law enforcers; stop with this cold approach to stranger sales women which would only perceived as creepy or desperate. Winning the lottery has a higher chance.

And stop listening to those here who are like "aww this is romantic, give it a shot".


Also, if you come across as desparate, women get turned off due to their own biology. We are hard-wired to seek a protective mate. That's why so many women mistake sociopathy as bravery and ability to protect but they end up needing protection from the sociopath. When a man comes off as desparate, it means that he will accept anything - that's right - any "thing". That doesn't show a heck of a lot about the man. It doesn't make the woman feel special in any way either. I worked as a lunch vendor when I was around 18. Guys hit on me all day long and for all the wrong reasons - just like Boo said - creepy and desparate. It made me depressed not happy or complimented. They did this because I was stuck in that one spot working all day long. I couldn't get away from them.



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21 Aug 2020, 9:56 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
CubsBullsBears wrote:
Boo, the way you’re saying all the things you’ve been saying makes it seem like you don’t want me to have a relationship. How many more things do you have to say is so wrong for me to do? You know you’re the only one who’s been so harsh towards me on this thread, right? Perhaps there’s a reason why that is.

Oh, and you also called me unattractive. :roll:


Because you're doing foolish and self-humiliating things, let alone begging for trouble with law enforcers; stop with this cold approach to stranger sales women which would only perceived as creepy or desperate. Winning the lottery has a higher chance.

And stop listening to those here who are like "aww this is romantic, give it a shot".


Also, if you come across as desparate, women get turned off due to their own biology. We are hard-wired to seek a protective mate. That's why so many women mistake sociopathy as bravery and ability to protect but they end up needing protection from the sociopath. When a man comes off as desparate, it means that he will accept anything - that's right - any "thing". That doesn't show a heck of a lot about the man. It doesn't make the woman feel special in any way either. I worked as a lunch vendor when I was around 18. Guys hit on me all day long and for all the wrong reasons - just like Boo said - creepy and desparate. It made me depressed not happy or complimented. They did this because I was stuck in that one spot working all day long. I couldn't get away from them.


Sometimes I wish I was gay. lol

Btw, why you didn't say so on page one?

Why all of you ladies in this thread were encouraging this poor guy for something you know that you will take it poorly if you were in the place of this young lady? The OP is surely not a Christian Grey otherwise he wouldn't struggle.

You've all misled him. Tsk tsk

**washing hands*** my hands are clean from any misfortune that may be fallen on our young fella, any trouble that may happen to him will be on you, all of you.



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21 Aug 2020, 10:09 am

Goddamit! It ain’t like the BullsBears guy committed a mortal sin! (Or a moral sin).

It was a romantic thing to do.

And, yes, there are women out there who understand romance and won’t think BullsBears is a creep.

I’m not promising reciprocation—but he is no creep. He’s a regular Midwestern guy who wants to find his life partner,

Cynicism will destroy us, ultimately.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 21 Aug 2020, 11:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Aug 2020, 10:10 am

That kind of romance is BS, it works only in movies*.

*(or with super hot guys)



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21 Aug 2020, 10:16 am

It ain’t BS. It worked with me.

Am I a “super hot” guy? Hell Effin no! I’m a shrimp with questionable social skills and fashion sense. And I was worse when I was younger.

Movies are fiction. But they reflect potential reality.

I’m not saying BullsBears should pass a note to every girl he sees. But I’m saying he has a chance in this world.

Yeah....I believe in this romantic crap. But I’m a realist, too. I’ve experienced a lot in my life.

This is the kind of stuff that makes depression worse—the feeling of futility, of hopelessness.