How many of you are adults and have never had a girlfriend?

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I push others away when they get close to get to know me. a few times I let a relationship form (some in the second half of high school, and the ending calendar year of high school) and I'd be drunk the entire time, even if undercover-like, and each I would only let last as a relationship for a month or so. It's true that people see you for what you project and I project myself as someone calm cool and collected and am found to be positioned as the leader often within a familiar group setting so that doesn't hurt the alpha male appearance and therefore others attraction, I guess. But it's all for nothing. The last time I let someone get close (after that senior year of HS) I stifled/destroyed real love and it makes me not want to be able to do that (or ever get into such a situation) again.

Well, I turned 41 on January 22nd and to date, I have never had a girlfriend.

join the club.

I'm 51 and never had a GF. I am not proud of that fact unlike SOME people on this forum that have no problem being over 25 and a virgin male in the US.

I mean most people would have it suggested to them to find an "uggo" and get the dirty deed over with (as it had been suggested to me).

from what i've read, losing one's virginity at an advanced age is rather anticlimactic, if ya catch my drift.

I found it anticlimactic. It's okay, but I was expecting something transcendent and reality shattering.

I've never had a girlfriend.

Sounds like you didn't catch his drift, after all.

Never having had a girlfriend doesn't necessarily mean one is a virgin, just the same as being asexual does not mean one cannot have a relationship with another person. The 25+ male virgins I've met aren't in a rush to lose their virginity to just anybody for the sake of losing their virginity. They have never had sex so, basically, they don't know what they're missing, and they have the luxury of waiting for a particular person with whom they'd want to have sex. On the issue of sex, I always say "practice makes perfect" so waiting forever may not be a good thing. I don't advocate sleeping with just anyone ("uggo" or not) but I do advocate getting a move on if you're not asexual.

Yeah, I know how that goes. My friends say basically the same thing. I don't even get turned on by people unless there is an emotional connection. I can count on 1 hand the number of people I've ever felt that for and they didn't feel it for me. Besides, all of the effort and energy that goes into building that up...

I'd rather stay home and watch movies.

Then how exactly does one "get a move on"?

If it were that simple, then many of us would be over on the "philosophy" forum...

You've got a point and, like usual, you're right.

I guess I'm prodding the people who claim they aren't even aroused by someone unless there's an emotional connection. That's just not going to start any fires for her. Speaking for the entire hetero side of my gender for a moment*, women want to feel like YOU want THEM. If they feel like you could take or leave them, they'd prefer to just leave. They don't want to audition and prove themselves worthy of your affection. I mean, can you imagine taking the step to emotionally invest in someone only to have them still decide you aren't worth their emotional invest or affection? That's crap. So, in a way, a man has to be sexually attracted before there's an emotional connection for there to be an emotional connection. This is true even for people who wait until marriage to have sex. They still have desire for each other and many "close calls" before that wedding night!

For you, Grisha, I think you've been a gentleman and I'm not going to interfere with the manners that your mama gave you. You're out there and dating, and I don't think your interests in women are discriminating enough to hinder you continuing to get dates and make these connections but that you've got respect enough for her and yourself not to cheapen the experience into a fling. Every time you have a first date, even if she declines a second date, you've left the door open and one of these women may rethink a second date and come back. I think it's a matter of time before you happen upon the right woman. And I still support the advice given to you by someone else that a slight change up in wardrobe to play up your rough edges would do some good... even if you just consider it an exercise in role playing for an evening. So, with you specifically, I say you're getting a move on.

* All my generalizations are very eager to concede to the exceptions that stand to debunk them.

QFT.

I want to feel like i'm their everything - not just someone to fill the gap.

I certainly (think) I understand your point. In my case, it's not so much a question of "manners" but my utter inability to understand what is appropriate and what is not in a particular situation.

It's like trying to play the piano with boxing gloves on - it leads to extreme conservatism on my part for fear I will do something wrong, not exactly conducive to "sweeping a woman off her feet" I'm afraid.

In the rather infrequent romantic success I've had in the past, it has always been a "slow build" - with someone who gets to know me long enough to understand that their first impressions of me were almost entirely wrong and they decide they like the "real" me. Very difficult to get to this point in the "instant gratification" culture of online dating and the limited social opportunities at my age.

I am FAR from admitting defeat though!



OK, I give in - maybe you could select the best look for me?

[img][800:590]http://www.stonewallvets.org/images/TheVillagePeople.jpg[/img]

police man!

cowboy!