What the heck is "dating"?

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Seriously, it is a question that eludes me.

"I am going on a "date". "I have a hot date". What does that mean?

Television is filled with shows like "Friends" and "Seinfeld" talking about "30 somethings" or even "40 somethings" going on "dates"

They always claim that they are looking for "Mr/Miss Right" but they never find them so they have serial sexual encounters with dozens or even hundreds of people.

What are you looking for?

Your grandparents married young. Probably straight after high school or in their early 20's.

When you grow up with people you know them so your pair off and make a commitment.

If you are serious then picking a partner is not that hard. Find a person of your own race in your own economic bracket and your own religion.

Find a person who takes marriage and commitment seriously. Find a person who will say "for better or for poorer, in sickness and in health till death do we part"

I did. God knows it hasn't been easy but we have been married for 36 years. I am an aspie and she is bipolar.

I have never dated much, but I have been in plenty of relationships. Perhaps I would have had a similarly rigid view if I had stayed in my very first relationship, which started when I was 15, and lasted till I was 22. Lucky for both of us, that didn't happen.

well, that may be just the point: such a one is hard to find...

most couples, at marriage would much rather have death do US part,
in stead of WE doin all the partin' till death... ourselves

LAT: living alone together /[email protected]

Fellow Aspies and auties, Yes, Romance does come very hard for us. I did finally meet someone right, someone I love very much; on June 13 Sharon and I will celebrate our 22nd wedding anniversary.

"You are so lucky. How did you manage?" Someone did say "we have few lucky aspies like John Knapp and Jim Sinclair who did marry. It did not come easy for me either. High school, young adulthood I did not date. Few relationships I had didn't last. I think it was also harder for me because I didn't know what my condition was. For the longest time I didn't think I would ever marry.

Having an ASD does not necessarily mean you can't date, romance, or even marry. It does mean they come a lot harder. A lot of times finding the one you would go with or even marry comes without trying. If you are looking for him or her you may not find it. I also remember the bible account when Abraham sent the servant to the old country to find a wife for Isaac; The servant went without Isaac. He had figured how he was going to do it, "I will ask some girl for a drink; she will answer 'I will give a drink, and I will also water your horse and live stock.'" It happened with a girl named Rebecca, he brought her home to Abraham and Isaac; immediately Isaac and Rebecca fell in love, love at first sight.

Fellow Aspies and Auties wishing to date, or meet the one to marry, I wish you all good luck and God's blessing. For those wishing to stay single, not interested in romance, that is no shame either.

"dating" is estimating something's age.

May I ask why? Why should you give yourself restrictions? I understand religion to some extent, since it may put a strain on the relationship, but I don't think the former two should matter.

Yea... I don't date. Well, now it doesn't matter. But I never 'dated' before, at least not in the common understanding of the word. I never went places, I didn't make plans. I knew a guy through someone else, would hang out with him at group gatherings, would pip over to his house to have sex, then it just became the routine. Repeat with next bloke. Wasn't till I started 'dating' hubby that I actually would make plans to go out to eat with him, or hang out with him. Probably helped that we lived together.

Dating in the Hollywood context makes no sense to me.

I wish to answer Fidget. I am not for those restrictions. Someone of another race asks you out, by all means go with him. What are different races anyway? Different skin color? We are all God's children; Red Brown Yellow, Black and White, they are precious in His sight. Other religions I give caution, but I don't make it my business to tell what is right. I am a Christian, but to some extent I am also a rebel.

Different economic make up. I am not into restrictions here either. If one partner is poor, and the other is rich maybe both can make it.

For Fidget, and others; others wishing they could date, have romance affairs, I wish you all good luck and God's blessing. Please don't ever give up. I know that some of you have been hurt in relationships that failed. I've had relationships fail before meeting the one I would marry.

Most of all, you need to go with someone who will accept you for who you are.

In a comment thread elsewhere, I read that having five or fewer sexual partners is the new virginity. Sounds about right.

Go to divorce360.com and play with their divorce calculator. Generally, the younger and less educated you are when you get married, the more likely you are to get divorced. I went from a 15% chance of getting divorced when I first got married, to a less than 5% chance if I got re-married now. (I am divorced.)

Religion matters. That's why I prefer sects with a scholarly focus that tend to range from atheism to a rigid orthodoxy, like Judaism and Catholicism, and not sects that are not so culturally ingrained.

Ethnicity matters. To some people, no matter how much of a particular ethnicity I am, I will always be that other part. And that can shake out wrong.

For those considering giving up on dating, please do. Less competition for the rest of us. J/K.

Yes, I feel similarly... "going on a date" doesn't make sense to me either. I do not want to "go on a date" with somebody I don't know well who probably has dirty intentions or wants something out of going on dates with me..

I'd rather have somebody as a regular friend, and get to know them and then see if feelings develop. The idea of going out with somebody who is more or less a complete stranger (like blind dates) is really awkward to me. I don't think it usually turns out well when you begin dating somebody you aren't well acquainted with, and have traits come up that you dislike enough to end things (or vice versa, his doing that to you.)

One thing though, society was alot different in say the 40s then it is now in the 2000s.

Back then people just thought to get married and have kids, now a days it's have sex and not get pregnant with random people, if they aren't good enough move on, people have all these ridiculous prefrences in people, but in all most people just want someone to screw.

Things have changed in society, really. You're lucky to have been married for 36 years, on average these days people stay married for like 3 years probably.

That's the truth. Overall, it's just really sad.

I ask again, what is a "date"?

If you have a girlfriend is it a "date" if you go around to her place for dinner?

If you are a guy and meet another guy that you might be friends with is it a "date" to say "come to my Friday night poker game"?

No a "date" is when you meet a girl (guy) and ask her out to dinner.

A "date" is when you are on your best behavior and trying to pretend that you are cooler than you really are.

The old rules said that you should have sex on the third "date". Today it might be less.

Would you like it if your grandmother said to you "Yes, I had sex with 50 different guys before I married your grandfather. But then we got divorced and I have had three different husbands since then."

I really wouldn't care; my grandmother can do whatever she wants to with whomever she wishes to. It's her business, not mine.

It's merely getting to know someone, before deciding whether to be in an actual relationship with that person.

Dating and being in a relationship are two separate things.

Dating to an Aspie can be very confusing and difficult. I have a friend that is actually following my and my boyfriend's relationship to try to understand relationships. I actually don't mind. We started our friend on "Twilight" book series. She also got the SIMS 2 and started to date a guy.
On a personal note, I am in love with a guy that has AS and I couldn't be happier. I think that they are the best lovers. They are more sympathetic and the sex is better because they feel things differently. I love him with all my heart and I don't want anything to change. (Even though I know it will.)