finding girls online - futile?

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ok even if I meet a girl online and we like talking to each other so much we want to meet
say we meet and we like each other and decide to be girlfriend/boy friend
if the girl lives more than 2hrs of driving from where i live
if she lives in another state - it's futile
i would have to move and leave my family here and find a job and a place to live where the girl is
and if that did not work out i would have to go back having spent a few grand on the whole thing

what do u think about it? it all depends if you can freely move to another state or country, if you have money for the ticket, rent, and car, if u can leave your family, and if u can find a job there.

Why do you ask? Have you met any girls online that live more than 2 hrs away from you?

I can see where the OP is coming from. I've been in a couple of long distance relationships where we lived in different parts of the country. It is rather pointless, especially if there is no hope in meeting. But that doesn't mean that you still can't be pen pals. It's the romantic relationship part that is pointless. Loving someone that lives far away and knowing that you may never meet them is a form of torture.

I'll be perfectly blunt with you, man, online is not the way to meet girls and have romantic relationships. I'm saying this as someone who has been on many dating sites, both free ones and ones you have to pay for.

I've found that online dating is virtually pointless and futile. The likelihood of having a girl talk to you is very rare, even rarer if she has any interest in you. The truth is that I think a lot of girls who join these dating sites really have no intention of dating. They say they are interested in meeting nice guys and trying something new, but the truth is that they a.) have the stiff upper lip the size of China and are as arrogant as can be b.) are not willing to take a chance of letting you get close to them or c.) have no attraction to you and thus ignore you.

Now, if your hypothetical scenario is correct, and you did chat with a girl online who lives two hours away, I must say that it simply isn't worth the risks that you seem to be in consideration of taking, like: "moving and leaving my family here and finding a job and a place to live where this girl is"

You must consider that it will not work out, and if so, you have wasted a lot of time and effort into your endeavor.

I've been single 22 years now, and like I said, I've tried ALL kinds of dating sites, with no success whatsoever. I've tried everything to initiate conversation, with no success. Amidst all the failed attempts, I met one of my friend's girl friend (not gf), and we have really hit it off well, to the point where when she dumps her bf, she'll date me. I guess the lesson is to find girls locally, and to be patient, you'll never know who you will meet and how it work out Good luck, man.

Or basically you are hopeless at online + irl dating, so have decided that its not going to work for anyone else. A bit ridiculous and very arrogant really. You should instead direct your energies on more accurate introspection, maybe you might be able to move forward.

One of the best places to meet girls are in school, religious or spiritual services, and in groups where there is a shared interest. I'm currently involved in the autism community, and I talk to many A.B.A. therapists. I think most of them see an autistic adult as a curiosity, or a guinea pig, but I couple of them seem to actually enjoy my company.

I found it pretty futile. I was on a dating site for quite a while, and I never got a message or a response.

omg, and here i thought you were talking about someone who lived in another country, far away from you.
Expect things to be served to you on a siler platter?
2+ hours of driving is nothing then compared to such things, seriously

Try not to think of distance as a problem. I have met girls from allover my country, even one from the Euro continent and one from Japan. You can make it work if you want to.

The question you have to ask yourself: Do i want to be lonely - or - do i want to put some effort into starting and maintaining a relationship?

years ago i had ONE NICE CHANCE at KEEPING a girl i met online, coming to visit me all the way from germany

some time after the visit, i panicked, and ruined it. so its definitely possible, but i dont think im getting such a chance ever again.

Funny that you mention arrogance, considering that you have bluntly assumed that I am hopeless at online dating and real life dating. My experiences with online dating may not be indicative of all aspie males, but I'm willing to bet it is true for a lot of us, go ahead and ask any guy who has done online dating, and they will tell you a similar story.

Now besides butting heads, I would like to make a point that the OP already mentioned:

"If the girl lives more than 2hrs of driving from where i live if she lives in another state - it's futile. I would have to move and leave my family here and find a job and a place to live where the girl is
and if that did not work out I would have to go back having spent a few grand on the whole thing".

Tell me honestly, is chasing after some gal you met online, whom hardly know personally, worth a.) moving to another state b.) finding another job c.) and moving away from your family? The truth is that it is a unnecessary gamble, if you pursue that course all those things happen. You'd have to find a new job, leave the family, and move to a new state (in the OP's opinion). You have already lost a lot of things on a whim, a bet that has no guarantee.

For the sake of argument, let's say in this hypothetical situation that he does move to another state, finds another job, leaves his family, and meets the girl whom he has chatted with. Let's say everything works out wonderfully.

But let's also consider the alternative situation, he moves there, gets a new job, leaves the family, and finds a place to live with this girl. What if things don't work out in the relationship after a couple weeks or months? All that effort was for naught, and he would start back from the beginning. Better to be safe than to be sorry.

i dont think its better to be safe than sorry.
i moved to germany to be with my wife(granted we were together for 3 years) things didn't work out and we split up. i'm still in germany.
i cant say things are great but im glad im here. i'm glad that i am the sort of person that can put my faith in love and to not be destroyed when it doesn't work out. i think people that you love and have a connection with are worth the risk.

I know people who have succeeded in relationships with people that they meet online. Asides, there are ways around using explicit online dating, internet forums, moving onto msn is one that I know works.

Though you actually have to be not totally hopeless irl or online to do it. Its not like you have not admitted to your own inability here, or have you been single for 22 years by choice?

What - it is not impossible to fly over, meet up for a weekend and see how it goes. Then maybe meet up for a few more weekends if it works out. Then if you have a relationship after all of that, only then, does one of you move.
For the sake of argument, let's say in this hypothetical situation that he does move to another state, finds another job, leaves his family, and meets the girl whom he has chatted with. Let's say everything works out wonderfully.

Love works that way though - maybe thats where you have been falling down. You have far less choice if you limit yourself to all convenient suitors. Asides a long distance relationship can last for a good few years potentially.

Anyway, if it all goes wrong, at least you have some experience so you have some idea where to start next time.

Exactly. The level of defeatism, can't dos and won't dos that the people on this site come up with are astounding. Maybe certain members would whine a lot less if they would cross a boundary now and then.

I think you should cross that bridge when you get to it. Finding someone you love is more important. The details can be worked out later. It's also possible a girl will move closer to you. Don't defeat yourself before you start.

I don't know.

From my experience finding girls online is tough, but finding a girl IRL who would be interested in me is even more futile

Does anyone know of any single decent-looking girls based in SW Ohio who don't smoke, who like video-games and prog rock, and who would be interested in an Aspie geek like me? Because I sure couldn't find any around...

Tim (aka the Slipperman)