Are obsessive wants also, in their own way, needs?

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Say there are traits--particularly ones regarding appearance--you obsessively desire in a relationship. You don't, or at least shouldn't, require them in a relationship, because they don't have anything to do with your emotional, mental, or chemical connection with someone...so, theoretically, it's silly to expect them.

But what if, when you're dating someone who does not have these traits, you can't help but feel unsatisfied by their absence? Does that then transform them into requirements?

Has anyone had experience on this matter? What do you think?

I guess it depends on how long you've been at it. After a certain point just finding someone honest and kind sounds pretty attractive.

To a certain extent, your partner has to seem attractive to you.. a lot of times other things besides actual visual looks contribute to that.. but it is fairly necessary to find your partner attractive.

I agree, but I took it to mean very specific traits.

when you fall in love with a person personality...the persons apperances means nothing...i

When I fall in love with a persons personality, they are a friend and quite possibly a very very good friend. If I am then also attracted to them I hope it then turns into a relationship.

There have been quite a few partners I've had that they have said "My god, he is not cute." I personaly did, so what others think is pointless, but there has to be attraction to have love. Since attraction, sex, love and personality as well as little quirks and habits are all part of a relationship you have to like them, or at least be able to deal with them.

One would hope this to be true, but it isn't for me. The apperance always matters. I hope that when I get older it won't.

normally when a teen looks are everything...but when people get older and realize it takes a true person to hold a marriage they seek more then looks..

Kyle, I already seek more than looks; I always have. Unfortunately, looks still matter to me. It's hard enough finding someone I can relate to, or someone I am attracted to, since I'm picky about both; but someone having both at the same time? Very difficult to find. Part of that is because I have a lot of obessive wants when it comes to appearances.

i guess i misunderstood...i aint the brightest bulb

It's cool, I probably wasn't clear.

Kind of I suppose.

Just don't get too hung up on those little things. I mean if someone had everything else you may want but was missing those one or two things would it kill any feelings you may have had? If so remember that if you do hit it off that she will probably be more than willing to make a concession or two about her appearance further down the road, just as I'm sure you would do the same for her.
..... even if it just means some nights she wears a really nice wig cause you think dark haired women are sexy as an example lol.

Well all I'm saying is that things willwork out how they need to.