Other peoples partners

Post Reply New Topic

Ok this is an odd question but does anyone else have a similar problem where the only people who seem to like them are other people's gf's & bf's.

I seem to get this quite often and I can't figure out why, anyone got any suggestions?

That happened to me all the time. It still does and I'm old now. It reeks havoc! I can't tell you how many times other girls became "enraged" with "me" because their partners didn't want to keep their silly sausages to themselves. I think that sometimes they try to make their partners jealous and they picked me because I was always alone and they didn't have to worry about getting their ass kicked by my significant other because I never had one. They do it now too because my husband is not a fighter. He's a mellow gentleman and will not beat up a guy for his "woman". I treat them very formally to avoid trouble. The wives hate me...ya know what...the feeling's mutual. My husband gets a bit tense and grouchy but he gets over it because I don't flirt back. You'll eventually get REALLY tired of all this opposite-sexed social games and crap. But watch out for swingers and threesomes...they really do exist outside of porn mags. Shocking! Aspies and auties are often seen as unchartered territory, someone to be defrosted, a sexual challenge, the odd-ball friend that doesn't seem to ever have partner, the hot, demure intellectual, deep and disturbed, it can be a turn-on until they REALLY get to know us...and then they....RUN!! !! !! !! ! (What did I do?...What did I do?...oh dear...
Hey, man, ya play with fire and ya get burned....

If it's just "someone else's girlfriend", what's the problem?

What's really bad is 15 years down the road, where it happens to be people's wives that are attracted to you - then you're really stuck. And yes, I contend with this problem. It's almost enough to get angry at them about.

The last 3 or 4 women I've been interested in after being around them long enough to get to know them all had boyfriends. I guess it shows I have good taste in women if 100% of the ones I'm interested in are already taken.

This is my curse.

And I'm okay with it, except for the fact that if a girl is in a relationship and leaves her dude for you, you MUST be not only prepared for, but fully expecting, that eventually the same will happen to you. It happens every mother f**king time

Even if it means that she eventually goes back to her boyfriend...and the same goes for guys who leave their girlfriends for other girls...etc.....


i have had this issue a few times...I am almost convinced that there is a biological explanation for this phenomenon...

it is how I wound up with my main partner Flakey...Originally, I was working for him and his partner, when he became fixated on me....At first I thought he liked having me around for platonic reasons....His GF said he needed a "playmate" and that is what I was...We both had the same sort of social awkwardness...We played music together and made sock creatures together and we all went shopping and out to eat together...They insisted that I join them on some activity or other every day after work..and I went along..then things turned really weird....I won't go into all the sordid details....Months down the line....Flakey and I ended up together....and then a few months later, he sorta dumped me to try to get her back...That didn't work out...and we got back together ....but...anyway....blah blah blah....it was all years ago...


THEN...a few years later, I left Flakey for one of his friends.....and went back to Flakey 6 months later....

I know this is all very shocking and I must sound like a Jezebel, but one can't erase the past and things were pretty complicated...and what goes around comes around...


Also.... in the past...my first relationship was with a really overweight guy...and i was young and skinny at the time...His best friend was tall and handsome and attractive and his girlfriend, who had been his high school sweetheart had literally gained over 100 lbs after high school....and she was sorta mean....and a bit red-neck-racist...she was mean before she gained the weight...and after she gained the weight...the added insecurity made her even more unpleasant...
Anywhoo....every weekend we all did stuff together...and apparently, I think maybe my boyfriend's friend...um mighta frequently said stuff to his GF about me that upset her, because whenever we came around she would go into hysterics about how maybe we needed to be dating because we were both skinny....and he mighta tried to flirt with me..but I was too oblivious...He did start offering to pick me up from work...which was kinda strange...

In the same way that Flakey's partner would go into hysterics about things he told her about liking me...when I wasn't around...that he didn't tell me....

Yes, all the time. The only girls who seem to like me or really compliment me are the ones who are either taken or are out of my age range, it's figures.

I find this a really strange trait as it involves another person who's definitely in on the act, obviously we give out a certain signal that only or mostly people in relationships pick up on. Equally obvious that we seek out this kind of drama.
It wouldn't have been a problem for me if I could have kept my mouth shut, I can keep the outrageous flirting a secret but when I actually have sex with a friends girlfriend I always tell people who I know can't keep secrets. I've managed to say no the couple of times it was GFs of very close friends though.

I've had the same problem on a handful of occasions. My theory is that they're attracted to me because I'm more attractive when I'm relaxed. When I'm around a girl that i know isn't available, I don't feel that anxiety that i do with a single woman. There's no pressure to be likeable, funny, cool, or whatever else, so I can just be myself. I'm pretty confident when I'm not trying to impress someone, and I know it shows through. And I think that's why they're attracted.

I recommend everyone here read the books "Sperm Wars" and "The Red Queen" -- both are very interesting books that explain the science behind a lot of what is mentioned here.

It's actually a very common phenomenon -- Some sources say that as much as 10% of children aren't really from the guy who thinks he is their dad, if that makes sense (meaning the mom secretly messed around).

I've been in the situation a few times, and did actually nail a coworker's GF before (I met her when he brought her by our workplace one time, and things snowballed from there). Not a great situation once he and my wife found out, but in the end it worked out for me (but not for him or his now ex-GF).

It isn't....it is just an inevitable facet of human nature....maybe not everyone does it, but it is very common.

It is partially for this reason that i am now poly..

Never mind people who may be inclined to cheat or otherwise leave their own relationships, I've noticed that girls who are not interested in me are less aloof when they are in a comfortable relationship.

For example, I was once turned down by a girl, let's call her Y, who I asked out when I was fifteen. However, I had to run into Y every once in a while for the next year and a half because I think one of her friends liked me and kept inviting me on their little evenings out. Y wasn't too bad about that, but we still hardly spoke. Then one day I noticed that Y was suddenly really pleasant and even kind of flirtatious, and moments later realised that she was going out with this guy I knew. Six years later, they're still together.

A lot of girls I know flirt with guys because they find it fun, as a sort of end in itself, even if they're in a relationship and they're not interested at all. I've read accounts from girls that they feel more comfortable flirting in this matter if they're already taken, which matches the experience I have with girls being more aloof around me when they're single. In general I'd be more suspicious of men flirting because they're far more likely to treat flirting as a means to an end.

True Hector, people do flirt just to make sure "they still have it."

For Aspies in particular, it might be that we tend to be a blank canvas that people not totally happy in their relationships can project their fantasies on. Some people mistake what they see or guess to be what is real. I've had plenty of chicks interested in me, thinking I was one thing, but then changing their minds after they saw I was not what they projected.