How do I let my boyfriend know how AS affects me?

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Im a self diagnosed aspie, and wasnt going to tell my boyfriend about it unless i got a formal diagnosis, but its got to the point where he is just getting so frustrated with the way that i am, mainly not being able to talk about stuff when im upset, and being clumsy and "wierd" in social situations. hes especially frustrated with the fact that i havent really spent much time talking to his mates/family and that i make people feel uncomfortable due to my awkwardness. also he always thinks im keeping stuff from him cause i dont talk to him as much as i probably should.
so finally, last night, i told him i had it, after a very frustrating episode for both of us. but now hes going to ask a ton of questions and i think AS is so complex that i wont be able to explain it to him, im not good at explaining anything.
any advice, has anyone else had this problem?

Give him a link to this site.

Well, I suppose you could refer him to the wikipedia page on Asperger's, but that is something of a cop out. He wants to hear it from you. I'd say to just prepare a short explanation in your head, hitting the main points, then back them up with examples. "Yeah, you know how I try and talk sometimes, but can't get the words out and end up sitting there looking away? That's part of it." If you need to, write it down beforehand. Once you're through, he'll understand.

I agree with trying to give a short answer. I think that it may be a good idea to write about your traits which you consider AS and try to explain your AS (and AS in general) to him. I would not suggest saying that it is related to Autism in this explaination for a while until he has absorbed the Aspie info. Take care and good luck.

ok, ive tried explaining a few things to him like how i find it almost impossible to start conversations, hes kinda acting like its my fault, and if i simply "try harder" it will all go away.
how can i get this across to him? help!

Oh man, that's the age old quote isn't it? "You could just do this and this if you try."

This is my advice. And it has nothing to do with showing him links to a website because if that was going to work he'd have found a girlfriend online in the first place. He didn't. He found you in real life.

When I go to explain myself to people, I don't tell them upfront that I have Asperger's. Half of the time they don't know what it is anyway so in order to make things smooth and swift I explain to them that I have certain quirks that may be annoying.

For example I tend to talk quite a bit. I don't mean ranting and rambling, I've got that under control. But when it's totally silent I have this tenancy to speak just to fill the silence. It only ever happens when I really want to fit in to a group, so from no one I tell people that this is just a quirk that you'll have to deal with because it's not going away anytime soon.

If your boyfriend understands that this isn't some disease, it's who you are, then things will go smoothly. If not, then maybe this isn't the person you want to spend your whole life with. You can't love people in slices. You have to take the whole pie or none at all.

thanks for the replys i think the idea of writing it down myself to simplify it will help, but theres going to be in depth (to an extent) discussions about it
and haha, we did meet online actually!
i think that last comment was very helpful, to get it across that its not a disease, that it is part of who i am and that it has to be worked with rather than trying to make it go away.
the frustration from him that its not improving seems to be a big problem for him still though, that it doesnt matter how hard i try, if theres no improvement, thats just not acceptable. which i can understand, if i cant hold conversations with the people in his life, it may not work.
does anyone maybe have any strategies for starting (and keeping going) conversations with people i dont initially feel comfortable with? because i think this is the thing i really struggle with the most and that is my biggest problem.
i think this will help our relationship the most
thanks guys for any advice

Just get him to read a book or go do some internet research. That's what my boyfriend did and I think he found it useful. I didn't even realise he'd done it though until he started ranting about how awful Autism Speaks are!

Get this book:

All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome
by Kathy Hoopmann

http://www.amazon.com/All-Cats-Have-Asperger-Syndrome/dp/1843104814/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1243535312&sr=8-1

I use it to explain AS to people I care about. It's full of cute cat pics and can be read in a few minutes. It gets the point across in a favorable light. Unless - the person in question hates cats...

I have major problems expressing myself! Although juvenile, I suggest writing what you want to say in a note. Even if you don't want to give the note away, You can always practice or just read it aloud to him. Maybe leaving a note in a text file on your computer would work. Good luck!

My boyfriend was like yours littlemissfickle. He said I was too blunt to his friends, I did not care when I upset him, I was too clumsy and always breaking things, I was unreasonable about my fussiness over food, about how I would freak out over silly things like him stealing my TV-watching chair, and also he was annoyed about my complaints that he was too noisy. When I found out I had Aspergers he was very supportive and now he never gets annoyed with me about my AS-traits. I do try hard not to offend people or break things around the house by my clumsiness and make sure I tell him I care about him when I upset him and he appreciates the effort. So both people have to work at respecting the other and compromise on many things. My AS is kind of a running joke now, he will go "OMFG you haven't done any cleaning for weeks" (he does the cleaning mostly as I am messy) and I will say "Oh my Aspergers was acting up and I couldn't clean" We had been together four years when I found out.

So anyway, I suggest you definitely tell him and give him some resources (like the Wikipedia page and a book my boyfriend found useful was "The Complete Guide to Aspergers" by Tony Attwood) and if he really cares about you he won't get upset and he will be very supportive. When I find things difficult to put into words to my partner, I write him an email. Do you express yourself better in writing? If so, maybe try writing to your boyfriend. This is another thing my boyfriend has learned to deal with, reading my thoughts in an email rather than me telling him directly.

Sorry if this offends you Saspie but:

If I had gf (aspie or NT) who put their thoughts and feelings into an email and sent them to me, that would kinda make me think of them as a cop out (i.e. not brave enough to tell them face to face) and this would really p*ss me off.

That is just my opinion but I don't get that

It has been kind of a struggle to explain this to my boyfriend, but also for my boyfriend to understand how I react and perceive things radically different. But he understands better than most and tries to understand my issues. He has ADD though, so he is actually pretty forgiving and has went through his own frustrations, so he is sympathetic.