near-misses

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So how many of you guys have had a near-miss or two in life? I'm talking about the times where a relationship could have actually happened, but didn't for whatever reason...

I can think of one where there was a woman that I liked, and she was actually somewhat responsive to my advances... but I tensed up too much and couldn't do anything...

I've had one, pretty much the same thing happened to me except I didn't tense up I did try but turns out she didn't like me really, despite her indications otherwise, so basically she was playing with my emotions and I was upset and embarassed by it. So I decided to be offensive to her just to be spiteful (I definitely wouldn't recommend this though).

Yeah I've had plenty of those too... but those make it harder in the end because I'm just assuming unless proven otherwise that she's just trying to use me for whatever reason...

A few --

One that jumps out at me -- When I used to work as an extra, I remember when I was signing up for my agency, a bunch of us were at an orientation, and this really hot little chick came walking in late. All of us guys were like "whoa, she's hot." She had a bitchy look to her, and you could tell she thought very highly of herself and was unapproachable. The guys near me, all of whom I thought were better catches than me (I had low self esteem at the time), were interested, so I wrote her off, figuring she'd never like a dork like me.

So I ran into her on a few sets, and we'd say hi, and a few words, but never really hit it off or talked for more than a few seconds. I guess the whole "playing it cool and acting like you don't want something" thing must work, because at the end of work one night, she asked me out for a drink...

....and I blew it off! Extras work some long hours (sometimes up to 19 hours in a day in extreme cases), and I was exhausted and had another gig to go to early in the morning. I was also under drinking age, but I had a fake ID and we could have just had the drink at her place (I was living at home). You know the saying "Fatigue makes cowards of us all"? Well, it's true. So that's one that always ticked me off, because it was like the holy grail.

There were others (including turning someone down because she had a BF, even though I was desperate, horny, giving her a massage, but too principled at the time), but I'll let someone else tell their story.

well the reason I posted this was because of a chat convo I had a few nights ago... and it brought some otherwise-repressed memories back to the surface that actually explains a lot about my situation...

anyway, back then, I did have feelings for this woman i met doing theater... and while she was responding to my advances, she didn't really love me back... making matters worse, there were some other guys in the cast that were making fun of me for it...

however, after the emotional memories I had repressed were brought back to the surface, it brought me to a few realizations that, in hindsight (and with the greater emotional maturity I have now), I can see... One, she may have actually loved me back (I've since added an asterisk to the "unlovable" in my signature)... Two, the cast people that I thought were mocking me were actually trying to help me out... Three, the fact that I let her slip away from me has contributed to my self-doubt since then, which has really held me back throughout college... Four, the memories were repressed (not so much memories of events themselves, but the emotions surrounding them) as a subconscious attempt to "get over" her as quickly as possible and move on, only resulting in the exact opposite: it's not so much the lack of women in my life that I've been lamenting these past few years, it's a lack of her... And finally, for a very short time there near the end, I now know that I may have experienced actual true love, unburdened by any preconceptions... which explains my rather idealistic tendencies rather than just wanting to get "in the sack", as it were...

The past few days have brought a lot of explanation and closure to what I've been feeling for the past few years, but one rather depressing fact still remains: I blew it... We were so close, that at such a point asking her out would have been merely a formality... we were practically a couple in almost every way except in name... I guess I should stop searching for my soulmate now... I already found her, and didn't seize the moment when I had the chance... Now all that is behind me, and I doubt I will ever be able to love as well again...

There were a couple times in college I found out a really attractive woman was interested in me - someone else told me later when it was too late - I was just unable to pick up on the signals.

I never really thought about that too much but I know it has happened with one girl who I know very well. I think she would have been perfect for me but it can never happen because she's six years older then me. I think her being six years older then me is the reason why a relationship can't happen and why she chose another guy who was her age(and may I add he's the nice guy type like me, lol). If we were the same age, I think I might have actually had a chance with her which says a lot since I usually am not confident at all. Oh well, I'm not that upset about it because it's nothing I can control.

I don't want this to sound like bragging, 'cause it's quite embarassing when I think about it. But I used to be in really good shape, and used to attract all kinds of good-looking women. Up until recently, I had no control of my panic attacks(and severe anxiety), to the point that I couldn't do anything about their advances. I absolutely could not be around people, and beautiful women made it that much worse. Some people thought I was gay because I rejected those women. I later found out that it was PTSD. It was terrible, and I wouldn't wish it upon anybody. It's not gone completely now, but I've come a long way since discovering the problem.

Thinking back, I would say that there were at least 15 opportunities that I missed out on, and alot of them I really wanted to be with. Sometimes I regret it, but I try not to let it bother me. After all, there's nothing I can do about it now.

How's that for honesty?

ToS, I'm relieved to see the asterisk, at least. I've read a lot of your posts and responses (yes, I was a lurkin') and you are far too kind to be unlovable.

If I could get a dollar everytime someone says this I would be a millionaire now. Saying that I have no idea if a girl has ever liked me, if they have, then I haven't picked up on the signals either.

Well, as I've said, the resurfaced memories have cast doubts (conveniently placed in the form of the asterisk) on whether I am absolutely "unlovable"... but the fact remains that, at least right now, I am "unloved"... and there doesn't seem to be anything in the future that will change that status...

Unless you know anyone that would love me...

I was once used as a tool to instill jealousy in another girl. Boy was that fun for me!! It effectively screwed my chances with two girls at once. Once two girls go at it and you get stuck in the middle you're effed. Ugggggggggh

A couple definates.

Depends how you handle it. You can definitely have two GF's at once, I've done it twice now. Hell, at the minimum, you should have at least picked one!

No, one pretended to have feelings for me to spite the other. So I thought she liked me, but in reality it was the other girl. By the time I had figured this out it was too late.

Doesn't that kind of interfere with the whole reason for having a girlfriend?