Why do people enter relationships........

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OK, I'd like your opinion on this.

These days it seems that everywhere I turn, people I know are either in relationships, seeing someone, or are about to get married. This year especially it is like synchronicity all over again with this relationship stuff.

Something I'd like to ponder with you. Why do people really enter these relationships and then just leave them a few weeks/months after. I have a friend who has just started a relationship with a woman who is leaving for good in about a month and never coming back. I can see that my friend is not exactly in love with this woman, but yet he does not mind calling her his girlfriend, even though he will most likely not be seeing her long term after she leaves.

I admit that I have had a couple of boyfriends for a few weeks only in the past......summer flings if you will. I mostly did it to gain experience and while I had sex with them, I felt nothing. I was literally looking at the clock while having sex with one of them! I am female, possibly aspie, very attractive and feminine-looking but with high androgen levels, and I can definately separate my feelings from the sex. I admit that the only reason I even had sex with these two men is b/c I was inexperienced and in love with someone who I had not slept with but was planing to in the long run (I did not want to be inexperienced when that time came.)

Do you think that most people who just enter relationships without knowing the other person well are only doing it for sex and so they could be in the relationship? What if you are like me and sex with someone you do not have feelings for does not really mean much or change things for you? I can even go as far as to say that I can have very strong feelings for someone without having sex with him and vise versa.

Aspies, your opinions please!

My AS BF and I have the ultimate chemistry. However, we both have self-absorbed times when we don't feel sexual. Still, we have the sexual chemistry. When we're not feeling in the mood, we've tried faking for the other person, but it doesn't work. The way I feel for my partner emotionally does affect how often I want to have sex.

I don't think most people are like us.

I understand where you're coming from, I can do sexual things and feel nothing (but know the NT partner is feeling stuff) and I hate it. But I know I'm capable of feeling too, but it's just harder. That gives me hope.

Good question.

Problem is I can't relate to people feeling that "passionate" about other people. I myself have trust issues and after getting to know only the few guys in my life, they turned out just be as*holes....one of them who was still in a relationship.

I guess what I'm trying to say is it's beyond my comprehension. I don't know what it's like to have feelings so strong for someone that you would marry them or even live with them in such a short time. This is part of the reason why I don't get into relationships...because most guys want sex after a certain amount of time. I'm not asexual but it's hard for me to be sexually involved with someone whom I don't know well enough...or maybe it's my being uncomfortable. I don't know.

I do think that lust can be confused with love as I've seen so many people say how much they were in love with someone in short of amount of time and then break up. IMO, I think I do have issues with seperating sex from love. It's easier not to get emotionally involved yet on the otherhand...it isn't. Funny thing is as much as I am uncomfortable with the sexual aspects, it was easier to pursue those with guys I hardly knew or had any feelings for than in "relationships" or guys who I felt a little more for. Anyway this has always been a confusing issue with me. I've gone to the extreme of each two but have never been able to find a middle ground.

I don't understand the poll question so I won't answer it.


My bf and I have a atypical relationship. There is lack of love and affection because I can't stand lot of touch and I don't like sticky skin and I have a low sex drive. I also like being alone and my bf understands that. We spend time together in the same room doing our own thing. He still wants to be my husband so we are getting married. I did warn him about myself two years ago but he still wanted to be my bf.

I think we enter relationships because we are animals,but this is a good part of it.

I think we enter relationships because we are animals,but this is a good part of it.

I used to be completely anti-relationships until I was nearly 19 and I met a girl I really liked. Since then I've turned emo

I can't be arsed just sleeping with girls I'm not in a relationship with. It just seems like too much effort to go out, socialise, meet a girl etc just for sex.

I do tend to completely fall for someone though. Even before I know her personality. Some women just look so hot I would seriously do anything for them. So then I want her so she's mine and no one else can have her Probably not a very healthy vie on relationships rofl

I'm surprised how much I've changed over the last couple years though when it comes to relationships. When I was 17 I thought f*****g hell, why would I want to be tied down to someone? I wanted to remain single then. But yeah, when I like a girl now, I'd rather have a relationship with her

I've had semi-anonymous sex -- liked it.

I've had sex where I didn't love the person -- liked it.

However, I must also say that for a relationship to really be a relationship, the people must have had sex. I really don't understand these relationships where both people are "saving it for marriage," or have been going out a year an haven't gotten intimate. Having good sex with someone is probably one of the top 3 reasons for being with them.

That's just you, not necessarily everyone else ^

Sure I would wanna have sex with her if I had a girlfriend, but I dn't assume everyone is like that. Plenty of asexual people have relationships. And a year isn't actually that long IMO. I've gone my whole life without sex, I could wait another year

What I'm saying is, who the f**k are you to tell someone else that their relationship isn't real? Why do you even care?

Lol, you would do it though?
I don't want to go out and do that as well, but if it was real easy, I sure as hell would do it.


Same here.

Yes in my case. I do not know what others are like. I have only really started relationships to get a regular supply of sex. I mean, it is not hard to get laid when I feel like it but it is easier to have someone there rather than go out and pick someone new up. My partner (of over five years now) I originally only started dating as he was the best person in bed I'd experienced. So this meant I stuck around longer than usual and eventually became emotionally attached to him as well as just having him around for sex. So this why we are still together and there is more to our relationship than sex now! Generally I did not get emotionally attached to someone just because I was having sex with them. I see them as different things that can be complementary if I want.



Well I enjoy sex nearly all of the time, even if I may not have cared much for the person I was sleeping with. I only regret one of the people I have slept with but that was because he was just awful in bed (he was a nice guy) so it was because it was a waste of time. I have had strong feelings for people I have not had sex with but I would consider those feelings to be "lust" rather than an interest in a relationship beyond just sex.

Oh, but I do care, because if I'm ever keeping that person in consideration for a future relationship (say if that person's relationship disintegrates at some point), I sure as hell want to know if they have an abnormal approach to sex. It's abnormal, because as sexually reproducing animals, pretty much our whole lives are geared towards reproduction. All of this intellectual wrangling and societal mores are just the icing on the cake, but do us no good if we do not pass on our genes.

And being asexual certainly isn't normal. It may be a mutation or a recessive gene, but it sure doesn't help propagate the species. The only way I can think of it helping the species is if those asexual individuals offer support to siblings or relatives that are reproducing -- otherwise, it's a genetic dead end, if all things remain constant.

I also tend to think that a lot of asexual individuals were sexually or emotionally abused at some point. Case in point for my whole spiel here, and why I feel so strongly about it -- When I was in college, I briefly dated a girl I met at the beginning of the year at school, my upstairs neighbor. The girl was spunky, funny, and very very touchy. So much so that a guy could easily mistake it for affection, and it seemed to be targeted at me. So I pushed for a relationship, and things went sour quickly. Something was wrong with her wiring, and she was scared of sex. At first, she tried to say she was saving it for marriage, but she wasn't religious (the complete opposite, actually), so that didn't hold water. Eventually I got it out of her that she was molested as a kid.

So here's this person who is acting out socially, doing everything she can to try to fill the hole in her soul except the one natural act we all crave -- sex. Someone not having sex voluntarily is a good indicator that something is awry. Whether it is a serious issue or not, for me it's a warning flag that this person and I will probably not get along, and in the case of women, someone I certainly wouldn't want to waste relationship time on. I crave sex, I enjoy it, and I only want relationships with people who feel the same way. So that's why it's important.

Btw, if you're 19 and not very sexually "motivated," you might want to get your hormones checked. For men, that is almost their peak age for sexual activity and drive. Your hormones and genes should be pushing you hard to find someone to shack up with. At 19, I was losing my mind with horniness.

It's because our biological reason of existence....

So what if it doesn't help propogate the species? Neither does homosexuality. There's nothing wrong with it. And I've spoken to plenty of asexual people who don't seem particularly fucked-in-the-head.

I'm not 19, I'm 21. But I see nothing wrong with me not being so desperate for sex that I'd do virtually anything to get it. I guess my aspergers/ocd/anxiety are stronger than my sex drive, and tbh I'm glad of that. Sure I might get sexually frustrated, but at least I don't go out f*****g every woman who'll let me. I'd be more concerned if my need for sex was so strong that it overcame my social/communications barriers that are currently preventing me from getting any.

Someone can want sex but not be prepared to ut that above everything else they value. Maybe that's abnormal, but I'd rather be like that than like you dude

It's ironic you bring up social morals yet expect people to behave like something out of the animal kingdom. Humans are sexually more complex than that. I would think there would be some natural inclination for a female to want to get to know the guy more before having sex. I mean it wouldn't be healthy for the offspring to be born from a dad that might kill them off.



Again, I'm seeing irony in your view of social morals and what comes natural.

Who says asexuality isn't normal? You, society?



Again, says who? You?

Many people who aren't asexual do that anyway.



OMG...are you kidding?

Again this is your "theory". I've heard many asexuals say they just aren't attracted to people. I don't think one's sexuality has much to do with how they're brought up. Attraction and acting upon those attractions are two different things. Most people who are gay were brought up by heterosexuals and taught by our society to be straight....how come that didn't affect them?



Maybe you shouldn't have pushed her to have sex...

Did it ever occur to you, that maybe she wasn't ready to have sex yet?....even if she was or wasn't molested?



Really by who's standards? Yours?

Yes there might be something awry but maybe what if that person didn't feel like it because they're tired, stressed out, didn't know you? Did it ever occur to you that that person has feelings too?

Intimacy and sex go hand in hand. If you're wanting a quick fix, hire a prostitute. If you're wanting a relationship, it's going to have to involve more than just sex. There's going to have to be communication between both parties.



How do you know he isn't sexually motivated?

That's pretty harsh and maybe he wants something more than just sex. I mean I've known many young guys that aren't exclusively motivated just to want sex as an indicator for a relationship.

And I believe you got his age wrong...it's 21. I think you need to rethink your theories about the human kingdom....yes we're animals but we're a lot more complex than that.



Again you use the word should and what does horniness got to do with wanting a relationship? Yes sex is important but it isn't exclusive to other factors such as likes, dislikes, interests, similarities, behavior and so on and so forth.

If you're that horny and want to be with someone, hire a damn prostitute!