Hey aspies

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Joined: 4 May 2009
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 75

13 Jun 2009, 2:01 pm

why do you guys worry so much about who likes you or not and dating. it doesnt matter. the only time you should worry about it if it affects your life, and thats only if you let it. and also if your boss or teacher doesnt like you, just try to get on their good side. dont kiss their butts, just know the things you can do to make them not cause you problems. this doesnt mean you should worry whether they like you or not. and dating and sex is so obsolete and overrated. please get a grip on life, guy and girl aspies. it doesnt matter whether you have a gf or bf. it doesnt change who you are. i took a trip to europe and some of the people i hang out with, i saw that NTs have these same problems, boy and girls, goodlooking and badlooking. one guy wanted to sit by a pretty girl, but she said no, i wanna sit by aaron. and he looked like he felt bad. some girls in my group turned down all these guys at clubs, and from other groups. it doesnt matter though. they are just people ...flesh and bone.....what does a human being being in your life really mean, if that person doesnt care about you. it happens to everyone. i was talking to some pretty girls, and they let me rub their feet and touch them and flirt with them. then the next day everything i said to them was weird, they gave me strange looks and stuff. then they started talking to these other guys, and compltetly ignored me. much to my luck, a new girl asked me to come into her room after i gave her a kiss her foot and I i turned that option down. not because i didnt want to, but because i was scared to get in trouble. she was cute to, the next day she gave me her email too. she was nice, and i kept talking to her.

i didnt act like an as*hole to the other girls who stopped talking to me, i just stopped talking to them, and also, they didnt find me any more or less attractive by talking to other girls and not talking to them. the thing is that they just didnt like me. theres a reason they didnt like me, but its none of my business why they didnt like me, so i focused on the cute girls that did like me. btw those girls were stuck up anyways.....so there you go...no big deal. i didnt treat them like they werent anything, i just left them alone. they didnt come on to me because i stopped talking to them, they never talked to me again. so there you go...problem solved

Xanovaria
Snowy Owl

Joined: 5 Oct 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 172
Location: San Diego

13 Jun 2009, 2:53 pm

Travell wrote:

Dating and sex is so obsolete and overrated

Wow..really. Some of us want to have kids and get married some day. Dating is essential to a good foundation of a relationship which begins with friendship. It has to start somewhere.

AS can manifest a special interest in a person whether it be a puppy-love related issue or just a friendship. There is absolutely no reason why you should live life as if you are the only one here.

I call troll on this one.

DemonAbyss10
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Joined: 23 Aug 2007
Age: 36
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Posts: 2,492
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13 Jun 2009, 11:06 pm

Xanovaria wrote:

I call troll on this one.

He may indeed be... and i somehow sense the NT vibes from him/her... i mean IT as well...

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jefe
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 4 May 2009
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 69
Location: Maine

15 Jun 2009, 10:16 pm

Travell wrote:

tldr (too long didn't read), but from what I gleaned: "Aspies have no balls!! Who cares what ppl think of you!!". You know, the funny thing about that is we're not stupid, if anyone knows this we do. We have to deal with these tremendous internal struggles on a daily basis (well I do), I lose sleep because there's always something "simple" to worry about. And you know what? Even though we know the simplicity in our struggles it still gets the best of us.

It's a lot easier to toss out these so-called "easy solutions" then to actually understand.

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CrinklyCrustacean
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Joined: 22 Mar 2009
Age: 40
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16 Jun 2009, 10:05 am

Travell wrote:

Why do you guys worry so much about who likes you or not and dating?

The short answer:

If you have friends you are socially accepted.

Gaining social acceptance is one of the hardest things to do if you have Autism.

The long answer:

Emotionally and socially, friendship is really important. If you can work out who likes you, you can concentrate on becoming friends with them, and hopefully you'll end up with a few good friends whom you can rely upon and who, in turn, can rely upon you. In addition your new friends can boost your social network by introducing you to their own friends. Friends are needed for emotional stability, and it hurts quite a lot if you try to be friends with people who just aren't interested in you. If you have Autism and therefore making friends is hard enough anyway, it only makes the job tougher.

As regards dating: friendships are built between people who share similar things, and this includes boyfriends and girlfriends. If you don't have a partner at school, then you are outside the loop of people who do, and this increases the social separation. Thus for people with Autism who are already 'different', and therefore outside the normal social circles anyway, building the necessary bridges to form meaningful friendships is much harder. In addition, people with AS have to build the bridges manually by showing the NT that they are worth knowing, and that it is possible to relate to them. NT's don't have to do that so much because they all follow the same social rules anyway, so finding common ground is much easier.

JohnHopkins
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Joined: 19 Nov 2007
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16 Jun 2009, 11:16 am

The original post in this thread is a nice mix of decent advice/good points and complete BS. How charming.

RoisinDubh
Deinonychus

Joined: 24 Jan 2009
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 341
Location: Somewhere else entirely

19 Jun 2009, 2:02 pm

I can see where the OP is coming from, but unfortunately people, regardless of their wiring, have this desperate need (sometimes a self-destructive one) to NOT be alone. I know this cos I HAVE it. It's maddening and illogical, but as they say, it is what it is*.

*I also HATE that expression with a burning passion. Too bad it's the only thing that actually fits here.

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Funaho
Velociraptor

Joined: 30 Dec 2005
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 447
Location: Detroit, Michigan

19 Jun 2009, 3:22 pm

It's not that I just want friends, i need them. I am so alone and so tired of having to go through life with no emotional support. My last bit of support is now gone and now I just keep sinking deeper and deeper and probably won't come back up again this time.

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RoisinDubh
Deinonychus

Joined: 24 Jan 2009
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 341
Location: Somewhere else entirely

19 Jun 2009, 3:25 pm

Friends are a good diversion, and a good venting place for your frustrations, provided they're the right friends.

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