Talking to ladies in grocery stores etc.

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I was talking to a woman NT friend of mine about where to find dates, and we both don't drink. She said home-depot is a meat-market (or meet-market?) and full of people looking for dates. I have heard grocery stores, bookstores, etc. I'm completely mystified by this. It seems like an NT's game, and for ones with good social skills at that. You have to move fast to go from being a stranger to getting a # and date in a few minutes basically, without coming off as a creep in the first 30 seconds.

Discuss.

My daughter tells me that men in the grocery store try to flirt with me and I shut them down within seconds. I've never noticed.

Regards,

Patricia

One of the nicest guys I ever met was at the bank.

When I arrived there, I learned that it didn't open for another half an hour. So I'm sitting there thinking, "crap, what am I gonna do to kill a half an hour?" when up walks this guy, also unaware that the bank opened late on tuesdays (or whatever day it was).

So I was in a sucky mood because of this inconvenience, but he was just a very positive person. He asked me if I'd like to have coffee with him next door while we waited for the bank to open. He wasn't creepy at all and it was one of the nicest 30 minutes I can recall. I was married at the time, and I think he was too, so there was no sexual tension or anything - just a couple of people needing to kill 30 minutes.

I think I can honestly say, however, that if we'd both been single, it could've turned into something more.

What strikes me about this "meeting" was that this guy was just a genuinely friendly, outgoing person. His conversational style was very relaxed and not phony or pushy. Just one of those people that are instantly easy to talk to. Not everyone has that trait, but I think it's something that is worthwhile to develop.

If it can happen at a closed bank, it can happen at a grocery store.

It's tricky doing this. You have to come across as interesting, non-threatening and attractive all in your first sentence. On top of that, whatever you say has to be funny, helpful, insightful, or all three, AND she has to be receptive to meeting a new person and not just minding her own business. And it all has to seem natural, like you talk like that every day to people. So yeah, it's hard. Hard for an NT, VERY hard for us. My only advice is to know when to quit. If you don't get better than an indifferent "uh-huh" to whatever you say, move on. And don't try it again in the same aisle.

I agree. NT game. very difficult.

my experiences are similar to Patricia's. ... Home Depot, you say??? Was that why that guy was being so helpful?

I wish lot of men hit on me when I was single, maybe they did and I just didn't pickup on it.

It mystifies me too..to think of a whole world co-existing with the one I inhabit, where people go to shops merely to buy things!

Hmmm...Interesting story, but it's diifficult to tell whether he was altruistic or an experienced PUA. He was totally confident about having coffee with an unknown female he'd only just met. Presumably, then, he does this regularly, to be so assured at it? Is it fair to say that most men, attached or not, AS or NT, would not behave like this it all? I suppose so as it's made such an impression on you!

Reminds of the time an ex- of mine told me of how "there were still some genuine, good, people in the world" because earlier that day, as she was struggling with heavy shopping in the rain, a man offered to help 'totally out of the blue". And then such was his keeness to 'altruistically' help a woman, he even offered to "come home" with her and help her unload the shopping at the other end.

I wonder if a rare few men don't have the power to hypnotise women with their charm and totally bypass the women's 'rational thought' processes? It wasn't till I asked "and what about his car then?" and "where was his shopping?", that the penny dropped. Altruistic gentleman or desparate creep who hangs out at supermarkets in the rain hoping to pull?

Somewhere in some Pick Up guide, this strategy is probably listed...alongside hanging out at closed banks

HA! Really, I know it sounds fishy. This guy just happens to show up at the closed bank.... Believe me, I wondered if he didn't just hide in the bushes on bank-opens-late-day mornings!

Technically, it wasn't actually a bank. It was an employee credit union at the large corporation where I worked, and the coffee next door was at an employee cafeteria. But just because we happened to work for the same big corporation doesn't mean the guy couldn't have been a creep.

Now, I am NT (husband is AS), so perhaps I can "read" people a little better than your average Aspie, but I'm sure there are those with bad intentions who are very adept at picking up total strangers - like the creepy child abductors who need help finding their dog? I just felt like this guy was sincere. No creepiness ensued.

i think the trick may be with the eye contact. something that NT's take for granted.

i sometimes wonder if an aspie can sense another aspie. the AS equivelant of a gaydar. I think it's possible. Perhaps we should come up with a signal that could be used subtly when we'd like to approach someone we think might be another aspie. That would save a lot of trouble, don't you think?

Reminds me of a story that was told in the book, "The Gift Of Fear," By Gavin De Becker. This woman accepted help with her groceries, up to her apartment, and barely escaped with her life, after being raped.

I have begun to pick up on other Aspies a lot, lately. I think I have developed an "Aspiedar!"

My first boyfriend was aspie and I didn't know it, neither did he, but when I met him I felt more comfortable around him than with other people. He didn't make eye contact with me, that must have been!

It's overrated. NT's must get enjoyment out of it though because it's so hyped up in the media. Personally, I hate it, I just want to be left alone to do my own thing. You're not missing out.

It's essentially speed-dating in a public area, with people you're assuming to be single. You talk for five minutes tops, and if it's not going well by that point you move on. If it's going well, try and get a phone number out of them.

There was actually a study on this. Most women made their choice on whether they were going to give someone a second date within 30 seconds. That first impression was critical. Also, they found the best chat-up lines were those which required elaboration.

Obviously you can't ask everyone the same question, but I imagine you could figure out complex questions on the spot. The main thing is the study proved what we already know, that women like to talk. If you want success, you need to feed into that. Plus, if you can keep them talking, they'll like you despite the fact you've said very little.

I have always found it annoying when some stranger tries to
strike up a conversation in a store. Factors that played into the
annoyance, were: The store was crowded, and noisy as well. I
was in a hurry to just get through and get out. The person
was not attractive to me, anyway. In fact, I have never had
a reasonably attractive, interesting man try to strike up an
acquaintance with me in a store. Ever.

Once, I had stopped at a supermarket on the way to work.
I was sorely pressed for time, but had woken late and not
had time for breakfast. I am never very sociable in the morning,
anyway. So, I stopped to buy something that I could eat on
the way to work. I was so rushed, that I passed the aisle
I wanted, several times. A guy was working in that aisle, and
every time I passed, he looked up. As I was leaving the store,
he followed me out to my car, to ask for a date!