Making Friends with Guys Without Having Them Fall for Me

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I've been meeting many aspies lately, most of whom are, surprise surprise, guys. I've always had many guy friends just because I find it easier to talk to them and more fun to hang out with them. However, the problem is that they end up falling for me. There's something about me that guys find very attractive, whether it's my personality, looks, or both combined. This is the reason why when I tell them that I'm asexual, they simply refuse to believe me. One solution that has been proposed is that I should find gay guys to hang out with. This doesn't work because:
1. Gays are a relatively small group.
2. I don't really know whether a guy is gay or not until I get to know him.
3. A guy who's gay can also turn out to be bisexual.
So, I wonder, what is the best way to stop this? I am tired of breaking their hearts, and I hate having them touch me because they have no words to convey their feelings. I find myself maintaining a larger and larger distance away from my male friends because of this. I also don't know whether people think asexuals are freaks and whether telling people straight-up that I'm asexual would make them think that I'm a weirdo. I would like them to just treat me as a friend and nothing else.
How do I prevent them from falling for me?

Oiiiiii....when you figure out the answer to this, please let me know. Even though I am very NOT asexual (to say the least), I have had this problem with male friends who I just didn't like 'that way' for ages.....even to the point where I'm now VERY wary of men who want to befriend me, wondering what exactly their ulterior motives might be, since in the past I've been dumped by way too many guy friends for not wanting to take the friendship to that next level.

Tell them you have a boyfriend.

I can't lie for the life of me. I need something else to get out of this.

MathGirl, guys are like this no matter what. NT or Aspie. Guys have a hard time when it comes to dating, so anything they see as easy access to a relationship, they go for it. I'm pretty sure people have asked you what kind of things you do around the guys and how you act. But it has nothing to do with that. They like you because they like you, and they probably think you are more fair than most girls. They probably view you as a friend and they are just being guys by trying to make a move, or they may just be flirting.
Just keep doing what you are doing, by telling them that you are asexual, no matter what they think. who cares. They may think you are stuck up or lying, but if you know that then it doesnt matter.
I've noticed that us aspie women complain way too much about relationships, to the point where it's rediculous. we complain so much, while we have the greatest gift that god gave us. Our Body. We get attention just because we are women. Aspie guys dont get that attention and it kills them inside. I've had this problem too, and still have this problem, i just tell them that I'm not interested.
It's funny how we cry when we are attractive about guys all over us, but the aspie girls who arent attractive, they worry about if they will ever find someone to love them. It's not your fault that they feel bad, tehers nothing you can do.

-"Having someone breathing down your neck is all it's cracked up to be, but we all know how it can be to be ignored"

Get a boyfriend? J/K I'm clueless.

Ehh...I have a boyfriend, and even if they've seen him, it doesn't work. Either that, or they hear the word 'boyfriend' and run like hell, meaning friendship OVER.

I'm out of ideas.

If you are good friends with these guys, then i assume that you understand how they think, and they understand you, and you accept each other as friends. But, isn't understanding each other the basis of a good relationship? And if they are physically attracted to you, then it is inevitable that they would fall for you. For them, it's perfect. Who could not fall for a girl who understands, and accepts, his humor, his quirks, etc.....especially if they are physically attracted to you.


Maybe you are letting them get too close to you?

Try to set them up with someone else if they ask? If they don't take that well I say just put them in their place firmly. If they won't still be your friend after a failed attempt they never wanted you as just a friend in the first place.

Most guys are like this. You just need to find a couple of the rare ones that don't. Be persistent.

This is so frustrating... you really get to know a guy and become good friends and then discover that he had a crush on you and didn't want to just be friends? I have trouble distinguishing that thin line between "friends" and "more than friends". It's difficult for me to understand what a friend is feeling, let alone recognizing this subtle difference and being aware of when a guy friend crosses the line...
Ugh, this social stuff is so frustrating. It's too confusing for me. Maybe I shouldn't trouble myself with the social scene and concentrate on my interests.

same problem here (even had a gay friend once until he developed a crush on me and got "confused"). Dunno what it is, must be the same reason that cats always try and cuddle up to the one person in the room who doesn't like cats?

It gets easier to deal with as you get older and generally become less concerned with what other people think.....also the one time I got into a relatively long term relationship (23 months, of which 21 months consisted of me trying to figure out how to get out of the relationship) it was such a painful experience that it made me very determined never to end up in a similar situation again. It's kind of like ripping off a bandaid...the longer you leave it the harder it gets to rip it off so you may as well just get it over and done with at the start.

I find making lots of comments about how you love being single and wouldn't change it for the world helps...plus if they say something or text something that makes you think they might be getting the wrong idea then just ignore it, or give them a blank & confused look....and hope like hell that if they do fall for you that they never have the nerve to actually tell you....

I don't think you should let yourself get too frustrated over this(I know it's tough). I'm willing to bet that most of those guys were perfectly happy being "friends" with you, in the beginning. But, they crossed a line at some point and became attracted to you. Then when you told them you weren't interested in a relationship, yes, it was frustrating for them, but it also created a very awkward situation for them if they remained friends with you. They probably don't want to swallow their pride, and come back as just friends.(it's a guy thing ) They still like you, but feel too awkward to continue.

This won't apply to all of them, but it should apply to most. Some of them were probably looking for a GF from the beginning, but that is unavoidable.


On the other hand....if they are single and looking for a GF, and you're being real friendly to them, there going to try to befriend you and get to know you better. Eventually, they will be looking for a relationship.

Hmm....I wasn't much help, was I?

It is confusing.

You seem like the kind of girl that a nerdy or geeky guy would consider a great catch, which I'm guessing is the root of your problem. I'm also guessing that you're probably befriending the more confident AS guys who aren't too afraid to take an attempt at hitting on you.

Maybe the guys that wouldn't do that aren't the guys you'd normally think of trying to befriend. Probably your best bet is a guy who is so shy he'd be too afraid to even think about asking you out. Or maybe a guy that isn't nerdy who may not think you're his type. (I'm going to piss off a few people by suggesting that)

*enters thread wearing blindfold so as to prevent falling for anyone here*

as a guy got to agree with jawbrodt and lexxi, we can go into a friendship with all the best intentions but if we become physically as well as emotionally attracted we've crossed the Rubicon. One major underlying issue is our inability to truly, fully differentiate at times between a girl being a girl with her friends, and the initial stages of courting behaviour, especially at 18 y/old. Without being too vulgar we do tend to have too much attention on the crotchal zone and it's needs than is necessary (or accpetable at times) at that age. Think you might need a year or two at least before any guys are mature enough for this. usually we learn by that point what a girl does to show interest and are better at not being a little scattergun with how we flirt (given that a badly judged bit of flirting can and does put paid to a relationship some of us value)

right on the button

(NB I used to get this with girls afrom time to time, it's not guys all the time, but mostly us. Though girls are big enough people to get over it and go on without mentioning it)

You aren't giving people enough feedback MathGirl, so it's no wonder this keeps happening.

In the chatroom the other day when you mentioned you were asexual, you were asked what it meant but you didn't reply, you let others answer for you. To which there were about 10 different answers, all with different meanings

One said being asexual meant that a person was disinterested in having sex, but still seeked a partner in life. Soneone else claimed it meant said person would never wish to have a serious relationship with anyone.

You need to let people who want you expect from relationships, you need to let people know who you are and what you want from life. You need to make it clear that you are out of bounds to people. I don't get the impression that you are doing so.

When you figure it out, let me know.