I'm going to bend the rules a little bit about cross posting because I had literally just written a rather involved piece on this very topic in another thread before I saw this one, and I can't seem to link directly to the cognizant post.
These are my personal tips for using the website CraigsList to meet women for romantic purposes, I know a lot of people think you can only find escorts and call girls on CL, but if you know how to use it, it has a lot of potential for meeting people, and it's of course free.
The #1 thing for guys is to never, ever respond to adds in the casual encounters section, too many fakes and any likely looking female is going to be bombarded, it's too much trouble for too little payoff. If you want a casual sex partner, which can range from a "friends with benefits" arrangement to the somewhat sketchier "no strings attached" encounter, you need to post an ad. Here are a few pointers:
Have a recent facepic, or several, this is absolutely mandatory if you want any hopes of success. I like to use a photo I had an ex take of me in a sort of noir-ish style that I converted to black and white and ran through a filter to add some grain like an old movie still. It works wonders, and instantly sets me apart from the other ads. Put some effort into it, dress nicely, get someone to take the pic, don't use your cellphone and the mirror, etc. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES POST A COCK SHOT!! !
The next one is sort of a compound of several things, but they all are similar. Use Firefox, or another browser with an inline spell check, it will save you from looking like an illiterate hillbilly. Along the same lines, avoid any use of chatspeak, L33t, chanspeak, etc, it's not funny and nobody likes it. Use proper grammar, and sprinkle a few big but not ostentatious words throughout your ad, "ostentatious" would be a good example of the right kind of word that sounds smart but not pretentious, or like you had to Google it know what it means. Don't try to be funny, make "ironic" comments about being desperate enough to post on CL, or god help you, POST ALL IN CAPS!! ! All of these things are kisses of death, avoid them like the plague.
This isn't a kiss of death, but if you're male and posting in the MfW section, for some reason including the words "masculine", "open minded", or "open to new experiences" seems to be some sort of code for bi-curious, and you'll be flooded with offers of BJs on the sly from supposedly straight men. If that sort of thing appeals to you, go ahead and include those words, you'll be amazed at the volume of offers you get...
Don't write a novel, but don't go overboard with the whole brevity thing either, most people assume that very short ads are the work of spambots. Two decent sized paragraphs is just right, don't tell your life story, just say a little bit about yourself and what you're looking for. Here are a few easy ways to be upfront about your situation without frightening off potential partners before they have a chance to get to know you:
You have AS = "I'm not fond of the bar scene and prefer quiet get togethers" or "I'm very individualistic and prefer to do things my own way" are two artful dodges to trying to explain an obscure and poorly understood medical condition over the internet to strangers. Unless things start to get serious, they don't need to know why you're the way you are, and the general stuff sounds innocuous enough if phrased correctly. I'm sure anyone can come up with a few creative variations on this theme, just explain things about yourself without going into the why just yet.
You're unemployed/on disability or SS/broke etc = "My income is sporadic, and I'm not looking to be anyone's sugar daddy". Perhaps my greatest creation of disambiguation ever. This is how you say "I don't have a lot of money" without coming out and saying you don't have a lot of money, it works like a charm, especially if you make some small amount of money doing something creative and can add that you're self employed. The crown jewel of my advice contained here.
You live in your parents basement (this is a tough one, no guarantees) = "I rent a duplex from relatives" or "My mom/dad/grandparent's health is failing and I've moved home to support them", don't try the later if you're aiming for anything but a casual relationship for obvious reasons. There really isn't a good way around this one, it might be better just to say that you live with roommates and can't host, or something to that effect.
No car = Make any excuse you want about carbon footprint, the environment, etc, extra points if you mention bicycle commuting. Easier to deal with in the city, becomes an issue outside of urban areas with public transportation.
Speaking of spambots, always include a "codeword" in your post for any potential responders to include in their reply's subject line, making very clear that any replies not including the word will be reported as spam. This is a protip that will save you a lot of time and trouble, spambots can sound very convincing, but they currently cannot beat the code word system. The word can be anything, try to make it something that applies to your pics so it forms an easy association. I usually use something like "retro" when I use by BW noir pics, and it works like gangbusters at weeding out the fakes. Be sure to check your spam folder for any replies containing the word, sometimes they get filtered by overzealous email scanners.
On the same subject, create a new email account strictly for dating purposes with a fairly innocuous user name that's different from any handle you commonly use, preferably a Gmail account. I like to configure it so that I have a user pic that is identical to the one I use in my ad, and set it to send my first but not last name. If you use the same email address or user name that you do elsewhere, you run the risk of someone you reply to backtracking you to your Myspace, Facebook, or many other social networking sites that might provide them with more info about you than you want them to have.
Finally, don't try to bait and switch, it's just rude and will only end in tears. By that I mean posting pics that aren't you and/or have been "retouched", saying you're looking for a serious relationship to sucker people into sleeping with you, lying about your age, sexual experience level, what you're looking for, be up front and you'll generally have much better results.
All these things are from my own personal experience, they work for me and I'm convinced that they can be made to work for anyone with a modicum of intelligence who had even one attractive bone in their body. If there's a positive response, I'll elaborate on any points and go into how to go from online to meeting in person and beyond, as well as my experiences with other dating sites. Having successfully met (and more) people from Match.com, AFF, and OKCupid, I've racked up quite a bit of know how about what to play up and what to downplay on these sites, and how to make them work for an Aspie.
_________________
Your boos mean nothing, I've seen what makes you cheer.
- Rick Sanchez
09 Jul 2009, 4:59 am
" on mine. Them knowing you have aspergers might make sense of some of your quirks once you meet up with them, but I agree with desmonami. If it comes up, tell them, but saying you have any sort of syndrome might scare people off. I personally dont think Aspergers is this debilitating disease, but the word syndrome just of makes it sound like that, even though the meaning of the word doesnt really have any connotations of something bad. Hopefully you will get someone who is interested in or has a job dealing with autistic spectrum disorders, which will highly increase the chances of her (or him) understanding.
