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Help! I need some advice!?!?

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preludeman
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10 Jul 2009, 9:58 pm

I have been to some online dating sites. I do not know what I am doing wrong.
I basicly state the fact that I am not into "one night stands".
I state I am looking for an understanding lady for family based fun. I did have someone ask what I meant , and I told her politely what I meant.If anyone including my fellow female AS'ers can give me advice, or if you wish to PM me please do.
Thank you for your help.


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ToadOfSteel
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10 Jul 2009, 10:42 pm

"Dating" sites don't administer relationships, they are there for the purpose of one-night stands... I wouldn't bother with those if I were you... just saying... hope everything turns out well for you...



preludeman
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10 Jul 2009, 11:07 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
"Dating" sites don't administer relationships, they are there for the purpose of one-night stands... I wouldn't bother with those if I were you... just saying... hope everything turns out well for you...


I think your right TOS. It is really sad in some way, for no one is looking for the nice guy.I wish you luck also TOS.


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Butterflair
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11 Jul 2009, 10:16 am

You might change the wording of your ads. It might sound too stiff. Try looking at how some other ads are worded. It's really marketing yourself. People tend to gravitate toward the appeal of what you say. Since it's all words, the the words matter.


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UnrelentingHorror
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11 Jul 2009, 5:20 pm

Butterflair wrote:
You might change the wording of your ads. It might sound too stiff. Try looking at how some other ads are worded. It's really marketing yourself. People tend to gravitate toward the appeal of what you say. Since it's all words, the the words matter.


I concur.

Make it sound more like theres a person writing the ad.
Also, yes some people use these sites for little flings but I know several people who have found deep long term relationships from them.
So don't give up.



MobyOneK
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14 Jul 2009, 9:49 am

I'm puzzled by "family based fun". Do you mean you have children and want them to be involved on a date, like going to a theme park? Or is just the two of you going to a theme park also family based fun? Maybe you should write about one thing you'd really like to do with her on a date and why. The reason why says more about you, then the actual activity.

I'm not a native English speaker but, "An understanding lady" tells me there is something wrong or weird with you, that she has to accept. You might have a criminal record, terminal illness, …. "A compassionate lady" sounds much more positive to me. She might understand and not feel any compassion. :(

Being polite can be very unsexy and might distance yourself from her. It's virtual intimacy you want to achieve.

I admire you guts! Good luck finding the right one.



CerebralDreamer
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14 Jul 2009, 9:57 am

MobyOneK wrote:
I'm puzzled by "family based fun". Do you mean you have children and want them to be involved on a date, like going to a theme park? Or is just the two of you going to a theme park also family based fun? Maybe you should write about one thing you'd really like to do with her on a date and why. The reason why says more about you, then the actual activity.

I'm not a native English speaker but, "An understanding lady" tells me there is something wrong or weird with you, that she has to accept. You might have a criminal record, terminal illness, …. "A compassionate lady" sounds much more positive to me. She might understand and not feel any compassion. :(

Being polite can be very unsexy and might distance yourself from her. It's virtual intimacy you want to achieve.

I admire you guts! Good luck finding the right one.


I would have to agree with this. Subtle connotations are critical. It helps if you try to find anything negative you can draw from your profile which isn't true, before you post it. Language is very subtle, and you need to be pin-point in your precision.



Michjo
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14 Jul 2009, 11:06 am

You have to remember that most girls are not looking for a husband on dating sites, they are looking for a date. By stating you are looking for family based fun, you are already making the relationship too serious, and they haven't even spoken to you yet



MobyOneK
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14 Jul 2009, 11:17 am

Did you write "Understanding Lady" as a cover-up for "You should be able to deal with the fact I have Aspergers"?

Trying to give you as much practical help as I can, I looked at your profile.

Even if you had not filled in the diagnosis in your profile, I would be able to see you have Aspergers-like traits. The words reveal something real and witty about your personality. Use these techniques in your ad.

The right woman for you is probably the one who is aware of these signs or is unawarely attracted to them. Being vague in your ad does not help serious people looking for the right keywords and clues that fit their needs.



Dilbert
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14 Jul 2009, 11:20 am

You will not meet someone online and get into a relationship the moment they message you. Instead you will go out on a date in the real world. First date is where everything is decided really. If the chemistry is there you will go out on a second date. And then things will progress from there.

The purpose of your profile should be to get you one date with someone. That's it. The rest is all up to you, not up to HTML. :D