Is it normal to want affection more than sex?

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That's what I've been noticing about myself... I crave affection from women more than anything else, even sex...

I still see sex as something fun to do later on when a relationship is reasonably established, so I don't consider myself an asexual, but to me, sex is just not that imporant...

Does that make me especially weird compared to other men? Moreover, could this be giving me the problems I'm having with finding a relationship to begin with?

No. I agree with you on some level, and I don't think I'd have trouble finding a woman if I wanted to. That said, sex is important (and it should be), not just "something fun to do later". I just don't attribute it to be defining the relationship.

No, it's not normal. But it's not wrong, either, regardless of what some people say.

It might not be normal, but it's definitely wise. Sex shouldn't be up front, it is something that evolves beautifully between people who already love each other. Well, that's been my experience. Sex up front spoils things. It's like eating your desert before the main course. You might enjoy it at the time, but the solid sensible stuff that makes you strong and healthy gets neglected.

There is a reason that cultures used to insist on sex after marriage... it's not because there's anything wrong with sex, in fact, it's great. But to build a solid relationship, you don't want to get carried away by sex, and neglect building the solid foundations of love.

If you see the relationship, friendship, trust, and intimacy as the foundation and building block, and sex as the final confirming capstone, then you're being very sensible.

In today's society people don't see sex as a private act of consecration between two individuals. That's a shame. Something has been lost.

As I said, your views aren't normal, but historically most people have lived by them... and society has suffered by the loss of your perspective. I think you're extremely sensible and wise on this subject. Don't allow society to make you feel that you're wrong. You're not.

Normalcy is defined by the group of people that surround you in a given place at a given time... I've all but given up on normal as a concept at this point, as it seems somewhere between quicksilver and a mirage. There are times when I want nothing more than to feel her hand in mine; sex getting in the way of sensuality, as it were... there is nothing wrong or abnormal about desiring affection and closeness over other urges, ToS. And I think it says a lot more positive about the person you are, too, over anything else.


M.

I'm exactly the same. Sex for me is only a last resort so to speak. It's only something realistic after I have found a wife. The processes of finding someone to be my wife, would, I hope, bring about the desired relationship of friendship and affection.

A girl should be flattered that you want to wait. Unfortunately.... and I am speaking for myself.... We are not used to it. We are used to guys wanting it right from the first date! so if a guy doesn't pursue sex it's strange... makes you question the interest. People should wait. And I will complain that it's all a guy ever wants or is after is sex, but then if I get with a guy that's not I wonder if they are really into me. After 20 plus years of dating, and that being that way that guys have shown their interest it's confusing when a man shows his interest in me as a person and not a sex object. good for you.... hang in there and when you find a girl you care about explain that to her... that it's more important for you to get to know her and grow in the relationship before you "seal the deal" so to speak with sex.... because no matter what sex always changes the elimate of the relationship.

"I still see sex as something fun to do later on when a relationship is reasonably established, so I don't consider myself an asexual, but to me, sex is just not that important..."

YES!! !! !

I thought I was the only person who felt like this.

Vanilla_Slice

I'd prefer companionship over sex to be honest. Sex would mean nothing to me and I'd only do it eventually to make the girl happy.

all i want is understanding from one person. but i do not crave it or need it, however it would be very nice.

someone who sees why i thought what i did, and someone who i can see why they think what they do.

i do not need to be "petted". i would like understanding more than physical caressing.

i have been physically caressed and i do not understand or like it.

i do not know what makes their hands go where they go, or why petting me makes them feel as they do.

just for someone to look at the horizon of their own world and see the same distant silhouettes as i do in my world would mean so much to me.

Whatever your thoughts and feelings are about sex, please talk about them and be honest with the person(s) you get involved with.

I'm separated from my husband (we're both NT), and we've been married for 19 years. I was the sexual aggressor when we dated, and I knew he was passive. At the time, his lack of passion helped me feel safe - perhaps gave me balance, but I was clueless in regard to the long term implications.

So, what this has meant as far as our life together is that on a day to day basis, he's been wonderful to live with. He cooks, cleans, and will help do practically anything if he's asked. He is extremely kind, giving, affectionate - but there is very little aggression in him. He has been my best friend and - my roommate.

We've struggled with physical intimacy literally from day one of our honeymoon. We tried to get help as newlyweds and nothing improved. Then we had children and that basically served to be a distraction all these years. Even now, with the threat of divorce, he's still in passive mode. There's been no movement on his part toward change, and he's even stated that he wants to be accepted for who he is. And I can accept him for who he is, but I intend to maintain that acceptance outside of a marital bond.

And, in response to the poster above, sex has ended up defining our relationship because the sexual element of our marriage has been so glaringly nonexistent, and it's not an area we agreed on before we got married. It's not like we both said 'Sex isn't important to either of us, but snuggling and holding hand is. Let's commit to that for life.'

All I'm trying to say is - if you know your preferences, be clear about them. Waiting is wonderful, but don't use it an excuse to avoid discussing an uncomfortable topic that may lead to rejection. If sex is important to you, say so. If it isn't important, please don't ever lead someone to believe that your intentions are one way in courtship, but in marriage you'll be different.

i am complete by myself.

sorry to any one who may think i can "wake up"

I have to dissagree with two of you. Needing affection is in every kind of relationship. Lacking alot of it causes people to want alot of it, so it's not abnormal.

i do not know which 2 posters you disagree with, but i never said it was abnormal to need affection.

i am abnormal in that i can do happily without it.

i am fully me whether or not i am ever seen by any other eyes.

I doubt you are going to get a relationship wanting "affection" more than sex. Despite the claims of "love at first sight", most people are in relationships for sex first and affection secondly (if you happen to be good in bed).

I never said that I believe in "love at first sight"... in fact, nothing could be further from the truth... I have to get to know someone for a while before any romantic attraction develops...