Confussed and Sad

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Hello everyone,
I have been dating this girl for the past three monthes that I meet at church. I asked her to marry me last weekend she said yes. She also knows I have aspergers and I take anti depreesants. She is ok with that. For the past three monthes I have been paying for everything. Even all the gas when we go out. She has not offered to pay for anything. She doesn't have a license to drive and she is illegal. I have been really sweet to her! We will call her amy. Amy and I live in the same complex. I just moved in the same complex as her. Not to be close to her but it was a good deal and it was nice like three weeks ago. I pick her up two times per week from college which I said I would do.
Here is my problem.This past Thursday I called here on the phone. I asked here if should would help me pay for the new mattress. Which she knows that I despetly need it kills my back. She said no I can't afford it. But I wish I could. I said I will need you to pay for some of the gas. She said I can't. I then I told here that I can't pick you up from school and that I can't take her to the dr. Amy said you are the gentlemen you are suppose to pay for everything. Amy said i will give you back the ring when I get home from work so you can buy the bed. Which she did and she gave me everything i gave her during are relasship Amy said I didn't ask you to do these things. I feel like I have been used. The only time I ask here for help she said no that is part of why I was upset. Since then we have not talked. I did call her yesterday and I left a message telling her that I was sorry and that I 'am not calling you for you to come back but so we can end this on a good note not being mad at each other. I did see her last night while she was walking to her apartment she didn't even look at me. I did say hi. I feel sad I don't know what to do:( Please help

you don't have any obligation to sponsor her. if she behaves this way now then obviously she wasn't really interested in you but in your money (and/or green card? you said she's illegal right?)

Yes she is.

You are asking someone to marry you after three months? She probably couldn't believe her luck. Yes she was using you without a shadow of doubt. She is probably trying to call your bluff now so you cave in. You ignore her too.

She seems like a good girl. She goes to church every Sunday for the past five years. The same church as I do. I 'am worried too that she will start rumours about me at church.

This might sound corny but this is how I feel . I'am so greatful for the people here who help each other:)

I agree, she is definitely using you. She shouldn't expect you to pay for everything. I know, easier said than done, but I would move on from this one...quick.

I'am so worried what she will tell other people about me at church. And what they will think of me that makes me paronoid:( And other people who we hang out with.

I'am so worried what she will tell other people about me at church. And what they will think of me that makes me paronoid:( And other people who we hang out with.

ok I'm confused. either she is:

a) as you said- a good, church-going girl, and good church-going girls would not spread hurtful rumours

b) a manipulative gold-digger, who somehow thinks that church is the best place to score a husband

Exactly.

Whitman, I'm not religious myself but I know a little how it goes.

So take the first step and explain all the situation to your priest or minister or whatever.
If it's difficult for you, you may show him/her the posts you wrote here.

And for the "lady":
As you described the situation, she's just a nasty woman who took advantage of you until you ran out of money.

Her part and how she played it is obvious and must be known in your church: to keep you from any worry of any kind and to warn other people (especialy men of course) what is her purpose in frequenting the church.


I hope you'll find quickly comfort and reassurance there for yourself.

An occasional friend of mine got engaged after a short while, I think it was something like 3 months. The engagement was over a year. In which time she was having second thoughts but didn't tell him. Anyway they did get married, the reception was weird, she did not seem happy at all. She complained that the limo made her car sick. They didn't last very long after that.

I think it's traditional, old fashioned maybe a better term, for the guy to pay for the first few dates, but once you get engaged it should be understood that you will be splitting everything 50/50 =P.

Situation stinks, but at least you figured her out after 3 months and not 3 years.

Weird though, here in the states illegals typically pay you to marry them for citizenship, she's got some nerve trying to gold-dig AND get citizenship =P

If you were paying for everything and then stopped paying for everything, how is that a problem with her? It was you that changed, not her.

I agree, you should take your time to get to know someone before you propose marriage to them. She is getting to know you too. It must be a change for her from a culture where the man pays for everything to where she is expected to pay her own way. Changing that in the middle of your courting must have confused her quite a bit, and it is understandable that what was OK at the beginning of your relationship suddenly changes that she would have second thoughts.

all of this could be avoided with a more moderate approach to dating and marriage preparation. Take a year to know someone before deciding to live with them for the rest of your life. Don't let hormones and desparation make decisions for you that are regretable.

I suddenly I didn't stop paying for things. The only time I asked her for anything it was on Thursday when I asked her to help me pay for a new mattress. She answered I can't. I then told her that she will have to pay for the gas because I can't afford paying it all myself. She said the man pays for everything which I do understand to a point. But when we are ingaged it should be fifty fifty. I told here what is mine is yours. I fell like if she wanted to marry me she would not have given me the ring back and the furniture that I gave her. She would have wanted to work it out. That relly made me sad:( She also told me that I was the second guy she has every kissed before. I asked her is she was a virgin?
She would never anwser me. Amy said you will have to wait after we get married then you will know.

ok so if she's so conservative to demand that you pay for everything, you go along with it and demand a medical confirmation of her virginity!