Hate Myself for Missing Her

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So my girlfriend and I broke up at the end of March. It was great at the beginning, but Hell at the end (you know how it is). Since then I've moved home and gotten my life together. Gotten a job, gotten over my anxiety disorder, got my inspiration for my art back, even seeing a new girl I really like...so why do I still miss her?

Believe me, I feel sick with myself over this. Really, by the end she was putting me through the wringer. Bipolar, a compulsive liar, openly malicious towards the end, I didn't try to work it out when she ended it because I didn't want to. I was glad it was over. All she's done is badmouth me on LJ since, and it's taken everything I have to remain silent in a feeble attempt to save what little dignity I have left. So why do I still think about her?

Sometimes I wish I could just forget to make the pain go away. Other times I remember what fun we had and how much I really loved her. It's kind of Eternal Sunshine that way.

I don't know what I want. Please help.

You do too know what you want. You want to stop hurting. You can't figure out how to reconcile the good times and the bad times with the same person.
You've moved ahead. So how do you forget what's behind?
You'll have to try to "change the channel" every time you think about her and deliberately focus on something else. The hurt will fade with time.

When my husband wanted to stop thinking about the song lyrics running through his head, he listened to completely different music and memorized a few books of the Bible.

I like Lelia's idea. Do something else with your mind. Whether or not you ever "forgive" her, it's clear you won't forget her, at least not for a while. Since Aspies are prone to obsessive behavior, you may want to consider the possibility that this woman is an obsession for you.

I did this twice in my life, and can now clearly see that once I found something new to focus my attention and interest, the emotions involved with the failure/end faded quickly.

I sometimes wonder if Aspies, at least some of us, are less likely than others to get into relationships, but when we do, we become very dedicated and committed to them, and so let go and bounce back more slowly. Any thoughts about this?

I fell in love with a girl at school who wanted nothing to do with me. She wouldn't go out with me, and it never got off the ground. Thing is, I've never forgotten her and never will. She's married now, has two sons and we are back in touch via the net after all this time. Strange how life twists and turns. Point is, she has stayed with me all these years and will continue to do so until the end. So if a girl that I never ever went out with can do that, then one you've loved and lost (in a manner of speaking) will probably never leave you either.

I fell in love with a girl at school who wanted nothing to do with me. She wouldn't go out with me, and it never got off the ground. Thing is, I've never forgotten her and never will. She's married now, has two sons and we are back in touch via the net after all this time. Strange how life twists and turns. Point is, she has stayed with me all these years and will continue to do so until the end. So if a girl that I never ever went out with can do that, then one you've loved and lost (in a manner of speaking) will probably never leave you either.

I fell in love with a girl at school who wanted nothing to do with me. She wouldn't go out with me, and it never got off the ground. Thing is, I've never forgotten her and never will. She's married now, has two sons and we are back in touch via the net after all this time. Strange how life twists and turns. Point is, she has stayed with me all these years and will continue to do so until the end. So if a girl that I never ever went out with can do that, then one you've loved and lost (in a manner of speaking) will probably never leave you either.

I've been through this before. I don't really think it's love, but more of an attachment issue. Getting over someone will take time...sometimes years. Best thing to do now is keep yourself busy to distract yourself.