This dating thing

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This dating thing seems to be like a difficult thing when I think about it. It seems to take real bravery and guts when you think about it, and it is a challenge that I have not yet conquered. I just whish that it wouldn't be as complicated but it is. I just feel conflicted about the whole thing. Deep down I feel like I would love to have someone to love and to hold, but I then start thinking of all the work that I would have to put into a relationship. I think about having a hard time getting to know their family and if they would actually be understanding about my situation.

When I think about those factors my wanting to have someone seems to get surpressed a little and I feel like it would never work. That a relationship would be more hassle than it is acually worth. I need someone who has been there and done that to help me sort out this mess. What should I do? Can love be found with a limited amout of dating? Should I just ask anyone that I like out or should I try to develop a rapport with them first? Help.

Dating is difficult for NTs and Aspies alike. It is probably more difficult for Aspies for all the reasons you mentioned, and several more besides. But it depends on the exact nature of your AS and your life situation.

I've dated a bit, and unsuccessfully. I've also had a couple of relationships, all failed. I have learned that dating cannot be reduced to an intellectual exercise, nor systematized as a series of protocols. I have learned that NT women describe me as somehow closed to them, lacking empathy, not meeting their emotional needs. They also do not deal well with my sensory limitations or other AS issues.

This is why the specific nature of your AS may play a significant role in how you approach dating and what happens. Despite my own experiences, and my general lack of interest in dating, relationships, and sex, I still encourage anyone who wants to give it a go to do so. The only way to find out is to give it a try.

That said, I hope others will step in here and offer advice, suggestions, or ideas to increase your chances of success, and to deal with any problems that arise.

About the dating thing, I don't think you should borrow trouble like that. You would first be dating the person, you're not dating the family, it's nice when the family accept you but not essencial. The important thing is to find someone who likes you and that you like, where there is mutual respect and enjoyment of company. The family thing comes later usually, unless dating a friends sibling.

It takes an effort to be in a relationship and both sides need to work at it. There is a need to balance your needs and the other persons needs. As Aoi said, it also depends on the nature of your AS. If you are not able to show your emotions and have difficulty seeing the other persons emotional needs, relationships can be very difficult.

I would suggest learning social skills or being sure of your social skills before starting to date because it will make things easier.