For me...Getting a GF=motivation

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Zaikeru
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03 Aug 2009, 12:10 pm

Right now, I am in college, I was at another college after I graduated from high school, but I flunked out of all my classes due to a lack of motivation. I waited and got a job, (but I quit because I worked for over a month and didnt even get paid $500), and then at the beginning of this summer, I went to a different college, taking only 2 summer classes per summer semester, but then I failed one of the classes. When my mother found out, she was more mad than I have ever seen her before. Seeing her so angry and upset, made me feel really hurt. That was the first time I had considered suicide. But I shook off that notion after 5 seconds. I want to better in this summer semester, but I am unable to do my speeches because of (again) lack of motivation. I dont want to feel suicidal again, but it seems even that isnt enough to get me off the video games and anime. And then I had a thought. If I had a girlfriend, she would be able to tell me when I could put down the controller and do some work, or go outside with me and excersise. I had always come up with ideas to lose weight, but since no one would do it with me, I stopped, or even didnt do it at all.

I hope I could meet a girl that lives nearby me that can help me with my motivation problem



404lol
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03 Aug 2009, 12:23 pm

Motivation must be self created.



ToadOfSteel
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03 Aug 2009, 12:42 pm

I know how you feel... I've noticed that how motivated I am is usually directly proportional to my current chances at any given point of ever getting a girlfriend... if a woman expresses even the slightest hint of interest in me, my motivation in life goes through the roof for a while (takes about a week afterwards to return to its normal low level)...



Seanmw
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03 Aug 2009, 1:14 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
I know how you feel... I've noticed that how motivated I am is usually directly proportional to my current chances at any given point of ever getting a girlfriend... if a woman expresses even the slightest hint of interest in me, my motivation in life goes through the roof for a while (takes about a week afterwards to return to its normal low level)...
totally agreed. "living for someone else" as some would put it. i can get over looking like a failure to myself, but the prospect of my failure dragging anyone else down with me is unbearable and tends to straighten out my priorities. also, the concept of being alone the rest of my life is a devastating fear.


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03 Aug 2009, 1:53 pm

Zaikeru wrote:
Right now, I am in college, I was at another college after I graduated from high school, but I flunked out of all my classes due to a lack of motivation. I waited and got a job, (but I quit because I worked for over a month and didnt even get paid $500), and then at the beginning of this summer, I went to a different college, taking only 2 summer classes per summer semester, but then I failed one of the classes. When my mother found out, she was more mad than I have ever seen her before. Seeing her so angry and upset, made me feel really hurt. That was the first time I had considered suicide. But I shook off that notion after 5 seconds. I want to better in this summer semester, but I am unable to do my speeches because of (again) lack of motivation. I dont want to feel suicidal again, but it seems even that isnt enough to get me off the video games and anime. And then I had a thought. If I had a girlfriend, she would be able to tell me when I could put down the controller and do some work, or go outside with me and excersise. I had always come up with ideas to lose weight, but since no one would do it with me, I stopped, or even didnt do it at all.

I hope I could meet a girl that lives nearby me that can help me with my motivation problem


Hi Zaikeru,

No offense, but I don't think you're ready for a GF yet. She is going to see your other problems, and not be happy. Like others said, you need to figure out your motivational issues first.

What exactly is the problem in school? Do you get bored? Is the work too hard? Do you not want to do the homework and projects? Perhaps you are not cut out for college, or at least not yet. Maybe you need to figure out what makes you happy in life first as a job, then work towards that.

From reading about you above, it sounds like you are all over the place and always changing your mind. It is like you are building 10 different houses but never getting past the foundation.

I recommend reading one of Anthony Robbin's books. I used to be a lot like you, but I read his books in high school and totally turned my life around. People were amazed at how different I was once I found out how to motivate myself and make boring and painful things worth it. I think you have the right idea, but maybe the wrong goal, and you always need to have new goals in mind after the initial one, or you will lose momentum.

Please take what I say above seriously -- your life depends on it.



roadGames
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03 Aug 2009, 6:16 pm

Buddy, motivation is something completely internalized, because in the end, the person who makes the decisions is you and only you. No amount of external influence will cause you to do better in school until you decide that there is intrinsic value in it for yourself. I suppose that there are people who find extrinsic value in things like school, too, but again, in order to find that extrinsic value, you need to make the decision to find it and finding it inextricably involves busting your ass and actually trying. If after you've actually tried hard in school and found that you see no point to doing it whatsoever, then perhaps college is not for you. People push an undergraduate education way too hard in this country, imo. Perhaps it really isn't for you; this isn't the end of the world in any way as there are many lucrative and actually useful careers awaiting in the trades. I'll agree with Bill and say that you aren't really ready for a girlfriend yet because no girl without serious self-esteem issues is going to want a guy who lets anime and videogames get in the way of his life.

I used to be just like you in HS, and I nearly flunked out due to it. As soon as I graduated HS, my parents told me to enroll in community college, and since those courses actually cost money, I figured that I'd damn well better apply myself because it's coming straight out of the pockets of my parents and I. Through this actual exertion of real effort and focusing of my energies into something useful, I found that not only did I have a knack for academia, I also found specific areas of it fascinating. Here I am now graduating with a bachelor's from a decent university in 3 weeks and starting grad school in the spring.

On a more tangential note, think about how near death experiencers report that their whole life flashed before their eyes before they were clinically dead. How do you want this little simulation of your life to unfold when it comes time for you to die? Do you want to just meaninglessly consume media through anime and video games or do you want to achieve something greater?

In addition, it seems like you might have ADHD just based off of your writing, but who knows.



MDD123
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03 Aug 2009, 6:32 pm

Zaikeru wrote:
Right now, I am in college, I was at another college after I graduated from high school, but I flunked out of all my classes due to a lack of motivation. I waited and got a job, (but I quit because I worked for over a month and didnt even get paid $500), and then at the beginning of this summer, I went to a different college, taking only 2 summer classes per summer semester, but then I failed one of the classes. When my mother found out, she was more mad than I have ever seen her before. Seeing her so angry and upset, made me feel really hurt. That was the first time I had considered suicide. But I shook off that notion after 5 seconds. I want to better in this summer semester, but I am unable to do my speeches because of (again) lack of motivation. I dont want to feel suicidal again, but it seems even that isnt enough to get me off the video games and anime. And then I had a thought. If I had a girlfriend, she would be able to tell me when I could put down the controller and do some work, or go outside with me and excersise. I had always come up with ideas to lose weight, but since no one would do it with me, I stopped, or even didnt do it at all.

I hope I could meet a girl that lives nearby me that can help me with my motivation problem


I'm glad you use it as motivation, it takes a lot of effort to focus sometimes, and having someone in mind to help with the focus isn't a bad idea. I have to think that way myself in order to do anything useful.

What you need to realize is that some women crave order, they also enjoy changing a guy. There aren't many women I know who would like to talk a guy out of videogames (which is basically what she may end up doing). You have to make a decision right now, do you love someone more than you love your videogames? You don't have to give up the x-box, you need an outlet and the x-box does it's job. But you need to picture being willing to give up videogames for someone, think of it as a compramise, because compramising is a pretty useful skill to have if you can do it right.



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03 Aug 2009, 7:27 pm

Can't friends or family members help you get motivated? It sounds more like a mothers job.. Shouldn't really be up to your GF to get you to do your work. I know motivating yourself is very hard, it's something everyone struggles with, aspie and NT alike.

The best thing to do would be try and pin point the cause for this lack of motovation. Do you consider yourself a depressive person?



TheDuck
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03 Aug 2009, 8:37 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:
Zaikeru wrote:
R
I recommend reading one of Anthony Robbin's books. I used to be a lot like you, but I read his books in high school and totally turned my life around. People were amazed at how different I was once I found out how to motivate myself and make boring and painful things worth it. I think you have the right idea, but maybe the wrong goal, and you always need to have new goals in mind after the initial one, or you will lose momentum.

Please take what I say above seriously -- your life depends on it.

Well you've convinced me to read one of his books thats for sure.



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03 Aug 2009, 10:47 pm

Hale Bopp brings up an important point. Have you seen a doc for depression? Lack of interest in things (other than special interests--like video games and anime) can be caused by low level depression. It wouldn't hurt to have a blood test done, too. So many times what seems like a self-discipline issue can be traced biologically. That said, if you can get yourself outside to exercise, endorphins and blood flow to the brain can work wonders. Also, keep in mind that video games cause a huge release of dopamine, and you have a limited supply of that. Once there is a deficit of that, it makes coping with other things difficult until it is replenished.

Don't be too hard on yourself in the meantime. There are lots of people going through the same thing! :wink:


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04 Aug 2009, 12:26 am

hale_bopp wrote:
It sounds more like a mothers job..


B I N G O


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ToadOfSteel
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04 Aug 2009, 12:42 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Can't friends or family members help you get motivated? It sounds more like a mothers job.. Shouldn't really be up to your GF to get you to do your work. I know motivating yourself is very hard, it's something everyone struggles with, aspie and NT alike.

The best thing to do would be try and pin point the cause for this lack of motovation. Do you consider yourself a depressive person?


It's not that I need a girlfriend to help me get motivated. However, getting a girlfriend will give me new purpose in life (since right now, if I were to disappear, nobody would care), and my mood will improve accordingly...



WXDustin
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04 Aug 2009, 1:11 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Can't friends or family members help you get motivated? It sounds more like a mothers job.. Shouldn't really be up to your GF to get you to do your work. I know motivating yourself is very hard, it's something everyone struggles with, aspie and NT alike.

The best thing to do would be try and pin point the cause for this lack of motovation. Do you consider yourself a depressive person?


It's not that I need a girlfriend to help me get motivated. However, getting a girlfriend will give me new purpose in life (since right now, if I were to disappear, nobody would care), and my mood will improve accordingly...
I'm sorry, but you are the next KenM in the making. Pathetic.



ToadOfSteel
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04 Aug 2009, 2:22 am

WXDustin wrote:
I'm sorry, but you are the next KenM in the making. Pathetic.


And I'm sorry you think that... I, for one, do not see women as "demons from hell", as Ken says... they're real people...

As for the pathetic, well, nothing I don't already know, so no harm done there...



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04 Aug 2009, 2:27 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
It's not that I need a girlfriend to help me get motivated. However, getting a girlfriend will give me new purpose in life (since right now, if I were to disappear, nobody would care), and my mood will improve accordingly...


So you are saying that if you had "the right girl", then you would be Happy :?:


You might want to consider the right girls point of view on this theory :idea:

If you're not Happy, she probably is not going to be interested. :?



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04 Aug 2009, 4:25 am

I don't know what it would take to get me motivated.