What I've learned so far (for the Aspie guys)

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I'm not Mr. Experience, but in 2009 I've had more experiences than the previous 25 years of my life combined. Here's what I've learned being out in the field:

- Dating and sex means significantly less to NT women. What I mean is, to them, it's just like eating a meal. While guys on here dream of having a girlfriend that is always there, easy to get along with, as interested as you are, unless she hasn't dated herself, it isn't going to happen. To her, you're just boyfriend number 30 or whatever and if that changes, it's much later in the relationship when it's clear you two are meant for each other. So if you're expecting to date some girl, and for her to be so grateful to have you and to be there for you 24/7 and vice versa, it isn't going to happen.

- I haven't had sex yet, but trying to get it (and getting it for those who do) is inconvenient. It doesn't "just happen" the way it does in movies, with two adults having deep feelings and consenting and having this slow, passionate sex. From the people I know who've had it/have it, they have sex with their parents in the house, in cars, in trashy rooms at parties, while drunk, and so on. So all of that time I was spending thinking about that woman at the mall and what it would be like to have a night with her, it wouldn't most likely be the night I wanted unless she was a girlfriend and was willing to accommodate.

- I didn't have an official girlfriend, but I dated a girl for a month and hung out with her for another few months. When things get ugly (and they usually do), it's like you never knew the person. One minute you were making out passionately, the next minute she's arguing with you (or vice versa) and hates your guts over stupid things which basically equate to not being compatible. What a lot of people experience, and I did with her, is a brief honeymoon period where there was a lot of attraction on both sides, but for one person it usually ends, and if the other person wasn't so hung up on the honeymoon feeling, it would end for them too.

- If you don't have your sh*t together emotionally, it will show. You'll be needy and turn her off, and even if you don't, when things eventually end, you'll be lost and depressed when you two split up. Since you've put so much emphasis on a girlfriend and a connection and someone caring about you, when it doesn't happen, you're extremely disappointed.

- You need to be as happy as you can single to succeed with a woman. Women can smell desperation on guys, and if she thinks you're desperate, you stand no chance. If she senses you have a life besides her (or seem to) she will want to be around you more because you aren't suffocating her.

Relationships can happen for many different reasons, happen in many different circumstances and take many different forms. Sometimes they will be formed impulsively upon intense passion, other times upon slow but steady build up as both parties move it towards a relationship, other times years long friendships can equally slowly but utterly unexpectedly turn into relationships. There may be a period of 'dating', it may remain there for months, or solid relationships may happen instantly. Either side may take the lead and the other side may find what they set out for is very different to what happens.

Unfortunately, it may flip between forms, take multiple forms or even not correspond to any such forms. And that's somewhere else autistics suffer, when one party is clear what stage the relationship is at while without intuition the autistic is left guessing.

I was a complete mess when I met my wife.. hit a deer on my bike doing about 65, I have no idea how or why I lived... maybe because I was drunk I rolled with it (breaking lots of things, landed on my jaw first.)

But, somehow I was able to meet a wonderful girl. She drove me to my doctors visits & court cases (DUI)

So there are no real rules out there.. sometimes it just happens. We are still married after 23 years.

I gave up on love.

Love is dead to me.

i've been married twice and dated a few women. it always comes back to understanding yourself and understanding the other. i've finally figured myself out and it has helped. i'm currently in an LDR - though we have met in person - and so far so good. she is very intelligent, very attractive, and i believe she, like me, is also an aspie though she may not realize it and i think she would never acknowledge it. we both tend to "live in our minds" and prefer being alone to being around others but we do like being around each other. brutally honest, direct, loyal, typical aspies. sharing these traits, even if she doesn't recognize them, seems to help the relationship. 5'3", 115lbs, 34D-23-34. she's hot. i hope things work out for us eventually.