Why's she dating HIM?

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I recently returned home after a number of years in college, and I had had lunch with a good friend with whom I had been in touch throughout the years. There was definitely mutual attraction in the past, but the long distance thing get things from going further. Still, I was hopeful that things might actually spark now that I was home for good. But at lunch, I find out she's dating another guy, and just started before I got home! What rotten luck! And worse, it was a totally random hookup, since she'd been invited to a friend's party and needed a date. A mutual friend paired them, and they they clicked (god dammit!! !! !). Then the other day, I finally got a look at this guy on facebook with her at another party, and I could've retched. He looks like a total tool. He has this sneer, this smug look on his face in every photo, and his shirt is half unbuttoned all the time. Looks like an obnoxious frat boy. He reeks of assh*le. I wish I could show his photo for you all. If you saw it, you'd agree. God is there no end!? It's a big cosmic joke. Even when we do everything right, we still get screwed by things out our control, like being at school. It's not f*****g fair! I work for years to cultivate a friendship that might've blossomed into something more, and this slickster basically has her drop in his lap and now they're dating! He could've had anyone, so why'd it have to be her? It's so very wrong and selfish of me, but at this point, I feel entitled, you know? I deserve to be with her, not him! I find myself wishing, hoping, praying that this relationship crashes and burns, so she'll realize that I could treat her right, be good to her. I mean, if I really care for her, I should be glad she's happy, and that's what I told her (she worried about how I'd feel about her dating someone else, god bless her). But what kind of deal is that, I do the right thing, the sleazy guy gets the girl, and I get to be alone again. What a choice!

B

Can't judge a book by it's cover.

PM'd. Check your inbox.

WP is not the place to rag on other people, guys. Just because they have chemistry now does not mean that now you are home again she will see her mistake and realize her best friend is right in front of her face.

now you are the only one that can make this not happen, and that is by being a total tool as well by ragging on him. I am sure you know that the best way to attract your friend is to be a friend to her friends. Once the comparison starts being made how can she resist you?

But don't use WP as a place to expose him. Thank you.

Merle
Moderator

Meh, as sad as it seems, i've made it a statement for myself not to be jealous of other guys that get girls even though i liked /loved them. If they're happy with their choice, more power to them. I'll be waiting if they ever need a shoulder to cry on though. I'd rather have them come to me than having to break a relationship. =/

I know it stings and I am sorry. Life is so complicated and it seems thats how things work out sometimes. You work your butt off and some guys swoops in and gets the girl. It is a tough break but the way I see it is if it can happen for that guy it can happen for you too.

When your least expecting it you will connect with a girl immediately and things will work out for the best. I know this girl is important to you, and she might come around and be back with you. I would think that something that happened that quickly would end up not sticking(frat boy). You seem to have developed a much deeper relationship with her than that guy so I would'nt be surprised if that fire burns hot but only for a short bit and she will be back to you.

Life changed once when she suddenly started seeing him; it can change again. Try to avoid absolutist thinking - it's just another bump. Admittedly, I'm odd... it took eight years for my wife-to-be and I to figure things out, dating other people, etc, before we realized the right person was there already, just took some work and risk to reach it.


M.

How many times does a girl, who is "plain", passed up by a guy who goes to the shiny pretty thing. Holy S***t, frat boys act like frat boys because it attracts women who are bored at the moment. And she can dump him at any time and he won't notice. You can't hurt a frat boy/part boy's feelings, so they are safe to date. Quit being a hater. Respect his game and get another girl. He will. He's flawed, but does not care.

Take a lesson from him. You have tunnel vision. There are a million plane jane girls who hate frat boys who your not paying attention too. They have frizy hair and no make up and stare at the ground and read romance novels and can't wait to shower one special guy with a load of passion stored up over years.

Get out and find a librarian who hasn't been to a party in years.

I am in a similar situation as well. There is a woman I am attracted to, and have been for over two years. She and I met in person, then got separated due to distance (she said she couldn't do anything long-distance). She also mentioned that I needed to work on communication and personality, which I then proceeded to do. She suddenly went from being open and friendly, to being secretive and standoffish. Then I found out that she had found someone else, and even then, not from her directly (I found out through her MySpace). It's like she was keeping it a secret from me, giving me the illusion that I had a chance with her.

She stopped answering my e-mails, and blocked me from IM. That was strange because I had not mentioned anything relationship-related in months (it was to save the friendship). Yet she acts like I am some sort of creepy stalker-type person. Why would she ignore me and avoid me when I did nothing to make her angry? I don't know anything about this guy, but if she breaks it off with him, I am more than willing to show her what a suitable person I can be for her, even if I'm not Mr. Perfect.

If he's really that bad, she'll end up dumping him eventually (or he'll get bored move on to the next girl, as is the nature of jerk guys) and you'll be there for her when she needs a shoulder to cry on. That's when you make your move.

If you're meant to be together, maybe this guy is just what she needs to be able to see that you are the one for her.

for a second, i thought you meant "HIM"


that would totally suck indeed