Fear of approaching cuz they might have a BF/GF

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I am of the mindset that I will refuse to approach a guy at all if there is even the slightest chance that he has a girlfriend.

Mainly, I think it is disrespectful to try to approach a guy that has a girlfriend. I have no wish to break anyone up or even present a tempation to break up.

But more than that, women these days get absolutely crazy jealous. I do not want to approach a guy only to have a crazy girlfriend call or email going "Stay the f*** away from him". Or worse.

I've heard of men tracking down guys that hit on their girlfriends, even if the hapless guy had no idea girl had a boyfriend, but this issue of women tracking down other women that hit on their BF is sort of a latter day phenomenon that I have noticed.

I was once at the train station in Leicester, and I was lookign at the map and a girl was looking next to me, and she smiled at me. I said i couldnt figure out the map and she said she was trying too. She had a sax and i asked her if she did music and she told me about her college. She had a boyfriend and he came to meet her, but he just thought i was a friend of hers and said hi to me. They both waved me off as well and she said nice chatting to you. I started conversations with loads of women whgo told me they had a bf but then still wanted to chat to me and become friends.

I act the same but not or mostly never out of fear, just out of respect. The fact that many times it's just a potential situation simply banishes you from, I suppose, very interesting approachings. And if besides you are shy...

I'm maybe wrong, but I don't think that that jealousy or whatever is a "male question". It's more, when unfounded and critical or violent, a generic "hysterical grasping" question

If I see a girl, the first thing I do is assume is that she has a boyfriend... it's not like there are any single women around anyway...

Me, I'd have to be absolutely 100% sure that someone hasn't got an attachment.

One time I saw a rather cute guy in line somewhere. But of course, I see him and I'm thinking, 'there is NO way he does NOT have a girlfriend already'. I was right. I saw him again somewhere else, with a girl. And he was kissing her.

I came here to say that this isn't fear but respect, but I see you've covered that in your post.

I think all of us on the spectrum tend to avoid direct confrontation. We don't want to step on anyone toes or get anyone angry. That's why we don't approach people unless we are sure they are single.

Well with me its a little different. I have been rejected all my life so I don't come on to women not because I think they have a BF. But because I KNOW I'm going to get shot down and I don't want to go through that again.

*wonders how many that shot you down did so because they were already in a relationship*

This is why I've found it easier to just talk to someone before I consider asking them out. For one, a lot of my crushes dissipate once I hear them talk. Secondly, talking for a few days is a quick way to find out if they have a boyfriend. After that, if you still like them, and you think the attraction is mutual, ask them out.

I hear ya. I doubt that any of the decent-looking guys who I happen to see around this pathetic little town (all 2 of 'em, that is ) are single. Everyone who ventures into the gym where I work seems to be sporting a wedding ring/band - even the 20-somethings. It's so discouraging.

Every time I meet a woman and over some time become interested in her enough to ask her out, she'll have a boyfriend or be engaged. It drives me nuts.

I've had that fear too, although in my case it's more an excuse to be shy than fear of retribution from a jealous boyfriend.

The last poster is right. It's more of a rationalization for not approaching. The mind will come up with all sorts of excuses when fear is involved..."they're probably not single," "i'm probably not attractive enough for them," "i'll seem like a weirdo for approaching a random stranger." The fact is, it takes a lot of balls for either sex to go up to a random stranger of the opposite sex and introduce themselves. It isn't how most people meet each other, but sometimes you see someone so attractive to you that you can't help but want to talk to them. Whenever I've tried, my conversations have been awkward. However, if I find a way to just make an observation or non-threatening conversation (For example, if the girl is working at a pizza shop, just make small talk or ask her an innocent question...or if you're at a bookstore...ask her what she's reading)...that there's no chance of rejection...worst that happens is they ignore you, which usually doesn't happen.

Yeah, it's better to find potential dealbreakers that way too.

That's practically my philosophy! And anyways, it's hard to find decent chicks (especially in college if you're a straight edge Aspie) because they're all sorority types, at least some of the ones I've encountered. Decent girls aren't hard to find, you just need to look good enough.

But whatever you do, don't feel afraid to ask if you suspect that the person is single, and I've learned the hard way that Facebook profiles can be somewhat misleading. You never know, you might end up getting a date out of it.

And why shouldn't she? If you think she's class material others will too!