Recognizing the Signs -- Subtle but important

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Hi all,

So I know one of the main questions from guys not having success with dating is "What should I look for?" With men and women speaking such drastically different languages with their bodies and minds, it can be hard for NT's, and especially Aspies, to know when to go for it. It gets to the point where guys get so used to being wrong that they ignore or gloss over very obvious signs.

We've already gone over the obvious ones -- her showing interest in just you, asking questions, touching you a lot (touch that she initiated, an important distinction), asking for your number (duh), etc.

Let me give an example of something that might seem subtle or borderline to someone who doesn't know what to look for, but a "green light, good chances" sign to someone who does --

I was at a public event recently, and while there, I was in a shopping area. While I was in this store, I did a visual scan of the area. I noticed that a certain girl, not very far from me, met my look with hers and held it for 3 different times in about a minute time period. This is the important part -- every time my glance went up, hers was there waiting for me or trying to sneak a look at me, she held the glace, and it happened several times (and she wasn't an employee, she was there with her Mom).

Were I a single guy again (I'm not), that would have been a pretty good indicator of interest. It was almost very obvious and over the top, a little less subtle than normal, which means that she might be a little bit desperate, or she might be really into my particular look (or she might be younger than she looks and inexperienced, teenagers tend to not be as subtle).

Whatever the case, it was a clear signal to someone who knows what to look for to do things like shop/stand near her, make small talk, whatever, just find some excuse for the two of you to talk. If you both want it, and you keep conversation normal, polite, and friendly, things can snowball from there quickly.

But if you don't know how to spot this, you lose the chance, and it goes away.

It is somewhat of a abnormal reaction to hold someone's gaze for an extended length of time (even worse for Aspies, as mentioned above), but this is also what makes it significant. While men often have a staring problem, women, not as much unless they have some need or meaning behind it. It's a hard thing to play eye games (hard on one's ego and courage sometimes), but there's a definite payoff.

MAY I SUGGEST:

Practice on static personalities, such as store clercs, busdrivers etc. you wont have to deal too much w them, and their job is to stay there and be polite. ive tested eyecontact and small-talk w many a cashier many are just too happy to exchange some words in their boring boring work, and its excellent chit-chat practice and for getting used to DARING to hold eye contact.

especially if the cashier is pretty

Ok what do you guys make of this?

This girl I've known for a few years (a friend but not a really close one, necessarily) has done a few things over the past 2 or 3 weeks that might've been flirting but since I'm kind of a socially inept dope I'm not sure.

Me and my buddy were drinking beers at her house one night and I mentioned we should find a girl to jump out of a cake at our next party and she jokingly volunteered. I'm not sure if she was kidding or not. I wasn't. =)

Later that week me and a few buddies were drinking at the bar where she works and she kept waaay overpouring the bourbon in my bourbon n coke and not charging me. She hooks up most of her friends that go in there a little bit but this night it was just rediculous. (not that I'm complaining) There was so little coke in there that it wouldn't even fizz when I stirred it. I let one of my buddies taste one of them and he said she might like me and that I should check up on that.

About a week after that we were at a party that unbeknownst to me had a Hawaiian theme and she came up and asked if I'd been Lei-ed (as in the flowery necklace things and not sexual intercourse) yet. I was off in aspieland at the time and rather obviously fumbled with my possible responses for a couple of seconds and then I said something like, "Sorry, for a second I thought you were just being REALLY nice." To which she responded, "Heh.. Maybe later..." and went and got a lei and put it around my neck. Later that day my buddy that's had a crush on her for a million years mentioned that incident and said that he kinda wanted to punch me when she said 'maybe later.'

About another week after that I was at my house with the girl and my buddy from the previous paragraph and my buddy went upstairs to urinate or get another beer or something and I called after him, "YOU MEAN YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE ME WITH HER?!?" in mock horror and she started joking about how I was afraid she was gonna rape me. Then later when I got completely raped in foosball she said something like, "Wouldn't it've been more fun if you got raped by me" Yep. It sure woulda been.

Anyway, I thought I'd run that past you guys. Sorry it was so long. Part of me thinks she's obviously flirting with me and that I should make some kinda move on her (however the #%! ! you do that) and the other part of me thinks she's just being goofy and that theres no way in #%! ! an awesome chick like that would ever be interested in my nerdy @$$. Any thoughts, opinions, advice, donations, etc would be welcome.

Cool. That's what I kinda figured but it seemed too good to be true given my (damn near complete lack of) record. I'm gonna call her in a second and see if she wants to drink beer and watch Star Trek. Thanks.

Drinking parties were also something that seems to prove advantageous to me. The girls are pretty much ready and nobody is particularly astute in the situation, so usually the fact that I'm quick witted and well behaved seems to set me apart from the rest. Plus you get a lot of chit-chat practice, while loosened up, and nobody else cares what social blunders you make because everyone is drunk.

But a lot of the time I just drink and observe silently.

I no longer go to drinking parties, because I have a kid now and realized I had better things to do. But the local bar gives me the same type of 'practice.'

of course by then i look away fast like an idiot