Wondering whether NT girls are worth it.

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NickKotarski
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26 Aug 2009, 10:36 am

So far, I have been shot down by every NT girl I have come in contact with. The only people who seem to have any roantic interest in me are the kinds of girls you seen on the "Out of Control Teens" episodes of the Maury show or special ed girls. I understand that Jerry Newport said in his book Your life is Not a Label that "Dating a young girl with some other kind of challenge might offer more empathy to share" (this is accodring to a quote from that book in a book written by Aspie Michael John Carley). One girl who I thought about dating because she was a pro wrestling fan like myself knew me from the school psychologist. My parents tell me that dating girls like these would be "settling" and wouldnt be an intellectually stimulating relationship (I am on the high-functioning end of AS), and that I am perfectly capable of a relationship with with an NT. The trouble is, I am becoming increasingly concerned that the above mentioned types of girls are the only types of girls who would be interested in me. Please help!



Granite
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26 Aug 2009, 12:07 pm

If you like pro wrestling and she likes pro wrestling then you have something in common.

Go for it.

Sometimes parents are the worst people to ask for dating advice.



Stinkypuppy
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26 Aug 2009, 12:34 pm

I don't date NT girls precisely because of a feeling of "settling" and the lack of intellectual stimulation/curiosity. Of course not all NT girls are the same, so NT girls who happen to be less settling or more intellectually stimulating would appeal to me more... but generally speaking, for me I don't.

That being said, I think NT girls are great for situational friendships, they are great for learning social skills and for those times when you want something very lighthearted and not extremely intellectual. Long term though? I personally go for the opposite: AS guys. 8)

But everybody chooses his or her own path, everybody chooses for himself or herself what they're willing to put up with, and what they aren't willing to tolerate. There's a cost and benefit to everything.


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shadowboxer
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26 Aug 2009, 1:16 pm

Don't be discouraged by not having hit off with a girl you're interested in. Some girls flirt because they want validation, not because they want to "get busy" with you.

Some girls flirt because there is genuine interest in pursuing a relationship. IMO Dating is a matter of hit & miss. It's a numbers game. If you ask enough girls, eventually you'll come across one who's right for you. Even if you strike out you're still successful if you are able to learn from the experience & adjust your approach accordingly.

My advice--Don't fly at girls warp speed. Keep the first few meetings short and casual in a non threatening place. LISTEN to what she says & show interest (or at least look interested :roll: ) when she's talking. I cannot stress this strongly enough. Not just with girls, but with anyone else. Don't use the time they're talking to think about what you're going to say.

Then after you've gotten a feel for each other's likes & dislikes, you can start planning your time together.


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Aoi
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26 Aug 2009, 4:39 pm

You're 17, so lighten up a bit about dating. Many of us older Aspies didn't even get a first date until late in college or after (myself included), so from where I stand you seem to be doing brilliantly. Also, from where I stand all women seem a bit nuts, and I've yet to figure out how to differentiate an NT versus non-NT woman. Maybe I've just never met an NT woman.

I'm familiar with the dating advice mentioned: Aspies might do better with non-NTs. But whatever works for you is what works best. Trial and error, time and patience, and most of all, perseverance are key.



MDD123
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26 Aug 2009, 5:25 pm

I look exclusively for NT girls, think about it, if you're a social blunderer, wouldn't you want somebody who knew how to handle themselves and maybe help you understand certian things too?

Being AS doesn't keep people from liking you, it just makes it harder for certian people to like you. I'm pretty well liked by most people I meet, I don't get to be "Mr. Popular" but I have stability and I don't have to fall hard when I bite off more than I can chew (people in general take their luck a little too far).



Gigglesqueak
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27 Aug 2009, 2:06 am

I'm an NT girl and my boyfriend has AS. I'm not crazy , I consider myself to be extremely intelligent and my life is on the right track.

Everyone has dating woes, regardless of how your brain is wired. Someone is out there for you, just be confident in who you are as a person and don't compromise that for anyone. There might be a lot of people who tell you there is a "system" for getting women but those types of encounters are typically shallow. If you want a love connection you need to find someone who knows you from the inside out and loves you anyway. I completely accept my boyfriend for who he is, AS and all. There are more of us out there, I promise.



NauticalCa
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27 Aug 2009, 9:26 am

NT girls are totally worth it. If they're open-minded, interested in the world and like guys that offer something special and unique to their lives, they'll absolutely respond to an AS guy.



Raskle
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28 Aug 2009, 5:53 pm

If you grow up and stop labelling people as either "NT" or "non-NT" then I'm sure you'll sooner or later find a person you're happy to be with. Until then, get used to a very lonely life.



JohnHopkins
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29 Aug 2009, 4:51 am

Yes, it's 'settling' to date an NT because they're all morons. Obviously.



Cyanide
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29 Aug 2009, 5:34 am

If you date a girl with AS, it doesn't guarantee that everything will be happy rainbow lollipops...



Saspie
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29 Aug 2009, 7:45 am

Raskle wrote:
If you grow up and stop labelling people as either "NT" or "non-NT" then I'm sure you'll sooner or later find a person you're happy to be with. Until then, get used to a very lonely life.


+1



LePetitPrince
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29 Aug 2009, 9:10 am

this 'racism' against NTs here is quite disturbing.

You should wonder if AS guys are worth dating instead....