Full Disclosure of AS worked for me!

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I now have a few good friends on a dating site and am meeting a lovely young lady on thursday!
We have been chatting for several hours every day for a while now, it feels right!
I have been brutally honest about my problems and found that the nice girls want to learn about these things, if they don't, maybe they are not open minded enough to accept something like this!

What relationship ever worked on the back of deciept or blatent witholding of such an important thing anyway!

Anyone else with a simular point of view and more importantly, success from such an open tactic?

Yeah, it does work!

I can't imagine a relationship, especially a romantic one, working at all without the instant knowledge of giving our companions a chance to become aware of this type of neurological difference. It wouldn't be a good one, I can tell you that.

i was thinking about this recently, to me it seems like a good way if you let them know upfront, it can go two ways they either reject you for this fact or accept you. its like a filter the good people will accept you and you can be glad that some people rejected you so soon so you dont have to find out later what kind of people they are.

You're very brave Justin.

*blowing out kisses*

Unfortunately it's worked both ways with me although I don't really talk about my condition unless there's a need to. It's actually helped in many ways with people I'm close to but some people....just don't get it!! !

It's still not very well understood in the location I'm in. I've had people keep asking me about it and I'm not very good in expanding on the condition since I'm so use to living with it. People often make the assumptions that if I lack empathy then I lack emotions or feelings for people....which just isn't true. Sometimes I have to be careful with to whom I'm communicating with. My ex-boyfriend would've probably used my diagnosis against me as he started other horrible rumors about me....

So I guess it's the type of people you're with. With nice people....and I mean truly nice people, it was like getting a load off my back. I'm happy to know that some of them have educated themselves more about it.

I just wish there were support groups in my area so I'd get to meet some people dating or not who sort of understand where I'm coming from...

One question for you MissConstrue,
Why would you want to be with anyone BUT a trully nice person?
If this method works to filter them out, it's got to be worth trying right?

I am very recently diagnosed, so I haven't had the opportunity to really disclose anything, but my last boyfriend jokingly suggested to me that I had AS because I traded physical acts (sex) for freedom from emotional intimacy and I couldn't look him in the eyes. I'd completely forget about calling him for days and then he'd get really mad at me. The worst part was that, even though he suggested it in the first place, he treated it like a deficiency or failing on my part and tried to "fix" me in ways that were counterproductive. I grew to resent and hate him, and I left him. >.>

However, I am glad that disclosure worked for you. Sounds like you found someone awesome!

I am not diagnosed AS, but I strongly believe I have it. I am, however, ADHD. Mentioning ADHD during a date has been a date-killer. I can't imagine bringing up AS right away. With the girls I mentioned ADHD to, I'm glad I found out their closed minded opinions right away. Still, the experiences have taught me to guard what I say. Probably best to say something like that when you can say it matter-of-factly. And make sure when you say it, it doesn't come out as to make an excuse!!

An ex of mine once asked me if I knew what color her eyes were (without looking), and I couldn't tell her. That was a bit depressing for her. It's not that I don't find eyes an interesting aspect of facial features, I just can't look into them, and I have no explanation for it. So, dating another person with AS is probably in my future. My empathy is very selective, and generally aimed towards significant others, but the eye thing I just can't get around. I'm not a sexual person (I find it messy and mindless), but I do love to cuddle. I find more of a connection in that. For some people that's not enough. That same ex happened to be VERY sexual, so we had a lot of problems.

We are very similar; I, too, needed to be told what color my ex's eyes were (though I could guess brown, from his olive complexion). I know what you mean about not being able to explain what is so unnerving about looking into eyes, but the closest I can come to articulating it is saying that it feels like someone is literally looking through my head. Maybe that comes from watching characters without eyes, like Jack Skellington, so much in my childhood, but I don't think I even have a self-concept of myself with eyes, so being looked at, straight into them, freaks me out. This guy, my ex, he'd try to FORCE me to look into his eyes, and like I said, it was counterproductive. I'd get upset and shut down and he'd get frustrated.

I've always been attracted to people I can relate to. I'm coming to realize more that it's more than being able to carry on an intelligent conversation, it's understanding that I need, most. I need a lot of space. I, have a hard time distinguishing between "sympathy" and "empathy"; I never know how people are feeling unless it's really obvious. My ex figured out quickly that I was more or less indifferent to sex, and it got to the point where I broke up with him when I felt like an object more than a person. Like your ex, he was ALSO very sexual, and insatiable, whereas it did absolutely nothing for me. Like you say, "messy" and "mindless". :p

I'm a little confused with this question since I do like nice people. But my social world is so mixed that it's just as easy to be around one who pretends to be nice.....just to find out later who they truly are. I've never been a big advocate in knowing the difference between nice and bad since they encompass all humans regardless of the trait. There are some people that go to the extreme in being jerks and there are those who go to the extreme of being subserviant. So I've often found traits in the middle not so on the dot.

I admit, it is hard for me not to be assertive at times. What's worse is to want to confront that person and yet lacking the verbal skills or way in going about it. Also to filter people like that out is hard. I might as well make the best of things since I can't exactly get rid of them or avoid it everytime they come up to me to communicate.

Yeah, I've actually been telling people about this quite a bit lately. Luckily I never have to phrase it in terms of needing anything, rather its just in reference to my past and letting them know a bit about the forces that have shaped my life up to this point. Usually that's enough, at most the only thing that really needs any understanding are the gaps in my nonverbal communication that - this known - won't send up red flags as they'll fit into context.

It's has worked for me too. I was able to avoid women who will reject a man, if they find anything at all that is different, which is all of the women I have met. JK. I'm glad you have had success.

Thanks!
I think i'm in love!
we have chatted so much!
more than 6 hours today!

High Five, Justin!

I just discovered I'm aspie have been telling my partner and all my friends. Everyone has been very nonchalant about it, and are curious but not concerned. I explain briefly about the cool differences in brain wiring, and that I have to use work-arounds, and so sometimes I have to give 'operating instructions' or ask questions that seem really stupid.

After that, everyone has adjusted, and easily settled into the change, including adding aspie jokes to the mix <grin>.

So I'd say full disclosure up front is the way to go.

full disclosure has worked for me to some extent with friends, but it's still gotten me nowhere with girls as far as i know. although getting contact lenses to replace my glasses has gotten me a bit more attention, occasional looks, but still not really much to speak of and not really consistently. usuall the disclosure just turns into a foot-in-mouth situation that leaves me feeling ret*d for having tried.

I agree to some extent.
I think however that internet dating was almost made for us.
It removes the pressure of an initial face to face meeting so that by the time you do actually meet, you allready know them and feel much more relaxed!
If autism is not talked about though, you may come accross as not interested.
I stim almost constantly! this seems to make people around me uncomfortable, but if she understands why i am the way i am it can help so much!
Also for her to understand that my facial expressions don't reflect the way i feel inside and my problems maintaining eye contact is not because i don't care.
A little education for the masses is in order i think.