This woman is bending my mind into a pretzel!

Post Reply New Topic

Gahhh, I don't understand it...

So I asked this girl out 2 months ago, and we still haven't gone on a date, but it's due to extraordinary circumstances beyond both our control, so we talk online everyday. I like her a lot, though not nearly as much as I used to, and she has looked me in the eye and told me she would genuinely like to try out another date. On the one hand, knowing her, I really REALLY think she's not the type of person that would lie to me like that.

But on the other hand, her actions make her words feel so insincere. She never calls me, she never texts me, she never starts a conversation with me. It's been like that for the whole 6 months that I've known her. She never talks to me, but merely responds...at least 80-90% of the time. It's aggravatingly confusing. When I do talk to her, it really does feel like she wants to talk to me, and I have heard of people who have trouble feeling comfortable starting conversations.

But that's the other thing, I feel like I'm the only person she does this to. I've seen her call other people, I've seen her start a conversation with other people. She just doesn't do it to me at all. Moreso, she NEVER answers my calls. Ever. Like I say, she seems more than happy to talk to me, but she'll NEVER answer her phone when I call, and when I ask her to call me, she never does (sans once which really caught me off guard).

We talk almost everyday. But it's as if 95% of the time, she's the one responding, and I'm the one talking. And while that'd always be a major red flag, she talks to me with what feels like genuine enthusiasm, and she really doesn't seem like the kind of person that'd lie to me.

Bah, why do I even try?

sorry dude *shrugs shoulders*

What have you done to ask her out? It sounds like you've asked her to call you and you're concerned about her texting you and such. But why does she have to do all this?

Try this: contact her (however you do it with the 80-90% success rate) and make a concrete offer. No "Hey, let's go out". Not even a "Golly, we should go out next week". No. Make it something like "This Saturday I would like to take you to <place you're comfortable> for a nice <activity>. I'm thinking I could pick you up at 7pm." Be direct and to the point and don't push it. If you don't get a response, follow it up next week with a different suggestion. If you offered dinner, maybe try a hike. If you offered a planespotting trip to the airport, offer lunch instead.

If you still don't get a response after two solid offers, back off. She's changed her mind about that whole "second date" thing she told you. Focus on making her a better friend and then go date her friends ... Mwahaha!

Stop talking to her immediatly. It's been 6 months and she srill hasn't done anything to reciprocate. Step 2 is gonna be hard, you'll have to cheer up, basically she thinks that she means something to you and she'll expect to see you looking down, you have to make it seem as though you aren't disappointed or that you found something better. I'm imagining that she feels pretty flattered by your attention, somewhere in her mind, she thinks she's too good for you, but if you demonstrate that you have somebody or something else in life, she'll let it get to her head a little less. I'm sorry, IMO, no woman deserves the self esteem boost they get from keeping a man on a string for 6 months.

I think your thread title answers your question. No woman should "bend your mind into a pretzel". You're best off, as MDD123 suggested, ceasing contact with her and looking for someone who engages in reciprocal contact and other gestures indicative of substantive interest, romantic or friendship.

^^ agreed. sorry boise, I did say all this a few months ago.

She likes the attention but doesn't want to date you. Either accept that and stop asking her out or stop talking to her for awhile and wait to see if she contacts you. Sorry but if she really wanted to go out, she wouldn't make up excuses all the time.

You seem like a sincere and thoughtful guy. Dude meet some other women. You deserve someone who delights in reciprocating your interest. I know its hard but you will forget all the anguish this causes you when you start talking with some other girls.

A great alternative is to go to a volunteer group. Not only will they appreciate you a lot more than the average person, you also sound well rounded when you volunteer. I personally look up to well rounded people, and I think other people do as well. You can't escape reality here but you can always make a new one.

Been there. If you seem to be overly eager about dating her, she'll feel smothered and think you're desperate. Best thing to do is keep your distance. It's common for us to be obsessive, so you have to pace yourself. I wish I would have known about AS years ago. It would have helped me greatly with stuff like this.

Yes I can be difficult to be proactive and not obsessive coming from where we are it may appear needy.