Wanting to give up on life...

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I am feeling so hopeless for anything, even if I could presumably stick to either celibacy or the no-relationships-save-for-prostitution route, what worth does my life have? None, I say. I can't find anyone, and probably never will, which in truth is what I want in life at some stage, but most likely, will never happen, ever.

I should sacrifice myself and save someone else the trouble. I wish I could join the military so I could die in battle, but no go there. So, maybe I could think of some other means.

Dude I feel the same way about the military sometimes

You don't know that you won't ve able to find anyone though. How old are you? People with aspergers always (or almost always) have problems with meeting people/sustainign a relationship. But plenty people here are in successful relationships, so it is possible.

How old are you? Don't give up on it yet anyway.

And having a relationship doesn't have to be the sole or primary meaning to your life. What about your interests/obsessions? Focus on those and try and enjoy what you do (studies/career etc) and maybe you'll meet someone without expecting it.

What I mean is don't feel like your life is pointless just because you're single. I try to give more meaning to my life through reading up on my interests, spending time with family/pets, doing things I enjoy. Sure, it sucks when you can't get a girlfriend, but you never know what could happen in the future. Enjoy being single - maybe one day you'll be complaining about your marriage and wishing you had the time to go off and do your own thing more often

Self-actualization is what you have left, I've been chasing that route ever since I was 18 or 19 and really hit rock bottom. I figured at that point that I didn't have it in me to kill myself (plenty of failed attempts up through highschool though) and I know that since I had 50 or 60 years left to live that the only way I could make them remotely passable is if I gave it my everything to make my life as enjoyable or as livable as I possibly could. That set me on years of pushing mountains on the self-improvement course, ran into plenty of red tape from my....I'll say it....disability....and right now I'm at the point where life's starting to calm down a bit.

I'm still not with anyone but I do feel far better about my life at this point and with the things I'm doing for myself now especially in the physical sense and just continuing at my entry-level post-college job for a few more years of experience, unless something really crazy happens to me I can only see the quality of my life going up - even if I never have another relationship in my life. I'd rather the later not happen but, unfortunately, that much is not in my control and won't be unless I have some kind of drastic leap in being able to master my nervous system and it actually lets me as smooth as I know how to be - I can't rule that out as I've had smaller versions of that but, those bursts are never fully in my control and I have no idea how possible it is to keep those going after 30 or 40, or even 50.

This is how I'd imagine many aspies have become great artists, scientists, etc. - realistically they had nothing better to do and through their efforts to excel they hoped for the best but were prepared for the worst in many respects.

As to my age: I am 22.

As to my interests/obsessions: I don't seem to have any useful obsessions beyond sci-fi writing and computer games, and I've practically missed the boat as far as the best time to study goes.

I'm afraid that travelling and the usual things are also out of the question - my parents are fiercely protective of me (definitely better than having neglectful or abusive parents, in all perspective though). And even the most dedicated strategy game aficionado can have too much of a good thing.

I hope that those family friends from Taiwan and China can come up with something (in terms of learning Mandarin from them - they are Mandarin-speakers and they are very good, trustworthy people by both mine and my parents' books).

So, in short: my life is safe, sanitised, and boring. Add to that I'm just on Centrelink payments, I want a job but have barely any skills, and IMO even McDonald's would probably overlook me. That's why I want to become obsessive about studying Mandarin (I even bought a small Chinese flag to remind myself of that desire to do so). I must find a way to pass my VCE again (possibly from scratch), but even then, my Mandarin probably will never be sufficient to be an interpreter, and...

Oh. I'm back where I started.

Truth is, I have no practical obsessions like some (architecture, programming, mathematics etc.) as most of mine are arts-and-humanities based, with the exception of genetics, but I have neither the time, money, nor patience to become a geneticist or anything of the sort. My desire was to become an interpreter, but that dream is shot to death, like the rest. I'm a good storyteller, but that's a dime a dozen and there's no guarantee that any of my stories would actually sell.

Any advice?

If you're interested in sci-fi and you're a good story-teller then maybe concentrate on that. I know being a writer isn't good for money and it's very difficult to get published, but you can always just start out doing it for fun. As a hobby.

I'm about the same age and in a similar situation (I'm 21). My family are very protective too and I can't really do any travelling yet for other reasons (OCD). But we have plenty of time to change that. I often feel like I'll never get a girlfriend, but we dunno yet. Still young. I've never even kissed a girl yet and I'm nearly the same age as you

Sounds like you have a good family at least.

There is always volunteer work, trying to make somebody else's life better. People in nursing homes always love having somebody visit. Hey, you could read your stories to a bed-bound person if he or she is interested.

Sounds really familiar. In that my parents, great people but also taught me to stay away from and kept me from a lot of things that would have made more of a man of me (ie. my dad wasn't into fishing, golf, nascar, auto work, guns, ATV's, anything like that - sports and martial arts maybe but that's about it). I was too far gone on medications to have much coordination in school to do well at sports - tried but realized I had too much of a hurdle, as well as lack of motivation. I shifted at around 5th grade from playing video games nonstop to playing guitar nonstop (started loving metal/alternative - saved me from being a complete geek). This is how my life ended up similarly sanitized, how at 18 or 19 my fiercest battle was with that vulgar and almost deformed and inappropriate child-like innocence that I had on certain levels in regard to people and even being able to take responsibility and maintain myself as an adult when it came to more the more common and corrupted aspects of life - something you have to have locked down or, its seen as something of a vulgar display of weakness.

That is an uphill battle. Being that you're 22 your still in the throws of it I'd imagine, you have plenty of time ahead in regard to breaking your way into life. Mind you it'll never be perfect, never is for most people (most NT's) and almost never for aspies.



The only thing I'm vaguely any good at is music. I have a natural knack for creating some powerful and multi-layered moods, if I had the technicals I could go pro but, I know what I lack and practice doesn't seem to change it (there are certain creative angles that need a strong working/short-term memory - not something I've had to date). Truthfully its highly suspect that I'll ever be great at anything, upper mediocre sure but not great.

With regard to my current job in the auditing profession - I spent 6 years at a junior college because I was completely unable to figure out what I could do decently well at. I finally found one book that helped me, I never in my life had thought of accounting, and prior to finding the strength/weakness evalution book that helped direct me toward accounting I was really thinking I had something of a junk intelligence, a type of intelligence that could not be applied usefully to any particular career field. So I definitely had some despair over my future in that regard as well.

The only advice I can give is be adaptive, at least emotionally in orientation to your world. Career direction will come if you search long enough, particularly its finding the right tools to help you get a hold of your own indicators to help you make sense of the whole mess. Finding a career path is almost as bad as trying to date and find a relationship I find, the main difference being that with career searching your due diligence and accrued self-knowledge is sure to eventually pay off.

There's much more to life than relationships. Some of the most successful people throughout history were alone their whole lives. You need to find your niche and apply your time with that. If you can find something you love to do, then life it worth living.

Thing is, I wasn't. I was sort-of pulled into a relationship and I have had a taste of it and liked it for a while.

Now I can't get any.

Complicates things, doesn't it, if you know what you've had and what you're missing.

You've got to build upon yourself and become more desirable. The next steps is to learn how to sell yourself to women. Guys don't get girls by mooping around their room. They get them by making themselves available.

Hasn't anyone noticed the paradox of our emotions, the more we examine an emotion to live in it, the more we try to explain any emotion the more complicated they become, and the more we believe in them, we're all living in the paradox and we've all ben fine all along if we understand that we can't possibly hope to explain everything including emotions.

I don't understand that concept. I cannot even imagine doing that with Australian women.

Thus, I may have to seek a mail-order bride type involvement in the future.

"Guess I'll just get myself a mail-order bride" seems to be the standard default fallback for so many people, but the truth is that it won't solve anything for you.

If your life is safe, sanitised, and boring, go out and get some interesting physical hobbies. Biking, rock climbing, hiking, karate, yoga, kickboxing, surfing, etc. They'll get you in great physical shape, which in turn will increase your confidence with women, which also in turn will increase your chances to be successful in the dating world.

How would you know that? I don't think you do.

Besides, I hate Australian women.

You're setting yourself up for defeat. Oh, I want write cause it won't get published. You can at least write something and submit it. You definitely won't get published if you never try. I am a writer, and I have never been published. I also have made friends with other people who write and have never published. I used to be a member of Georgia Writers. All you have to do to be a member is join.

I'm 45. Still not married. I have come close a few times in relationships. What keeps me going is hope. The right one will come along someday. I am good at photography. I risked everything to become a newspaper photographer and failed. Do I regret it, No. If I had not tried would I regret it, Yes.

I have worked retail for over a decade I have found a contentment working a menial low paying job. The people contact is good. I've seen plenty of stupid people come and go. If you are even reasonably competent you can make it.

How do you know McD wouldn't take you? If you show up on time, get along with people, don't goof off, don't steal things, you can make it. They have high turn over cause it's so hard to fund decent help.