need a 2nd opinion

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...nevermind...

i'll think of a way to rephrase...

Well, now I'm left hanging....

yeah, it's been like this awhile. i'm starting to doubt his rephrasing statement

I think she had about 5 paragraphs that was to do with something about her seeing 2 boys but she waited a while and nobody replied so she must of thought that she phrased it wrong. I guess people were just too lazy to read it properly; I only skimmed through it quickly but it seemed fine to me. I'm always thinking that I've phrased my posts wrong whenever no body replies to them.

sorry. i'm a she.

usually what happens when i post a problem is that i find the answer when i do....

but anyway, here is my original post:

I need girl friend advice. But as I have no girl friends I thought I would ask here.

Currently I'm seeing 2 men. It's kind of draining juggling both and I would prefer to be monogamous. I'm trying to figure out why it is hard to choose between them. I would appreciate any help from anyone who can spare a moment.

The big difference between them is that one is wonderfully NT, the other is gloriously non-NT.
They both are very bright, good-looking, have good stable jobs, and can take care of themselves.

The big issue is that I have pretty miserable self-esteem. So when I'm with NT guy, I'm both in awe of the way he can communicate his feelings, be so outgoing, get along with just about everyone, and jump from social event to social event without having a meltdown. But conversations tend to be one sided as i can't keep up with him. I end up feeling quite incompetent. I expect that at any moment he's going to wake up and realize that i really am un-fixable despite the fact that he's been very understanding and patient with me up to this point. But, you know, i feel there is a bit of the "attraction to difference" that once it gets old, will become tiresome and not worth the trouble.

Non-NT guy, on the other hand, is a bit unstable so i actually feel very competent around him. For instance one of the things he does is to run on and on about something. I love this because I verge on being non-verbal. In the end it looks like I'm the one who has it together. Also, I'm his current obsession right now and the attention is really nice. I can do just about anything and he's still impressed with me.

In the end, NT guy could get anyone he wants but he wants me. I have no idea why. Non-NT guy is the opposite and because I'm not NT i can see him in a way that most others can't. However, I do tend to "settle" for jerks because I don't feel worthy of the good guys. And because I can pass on surface, I'm sure a lot of people think: why is she with him? Not that i care at all what people think. I'm just wondering if i'm de-valuing myself again. Because, yes, he can be a jerk (get's overloaded & freaks out). I usually ignore it and he recovers quickly.

I suppose in the end I should take a break from relationships and focus on getting myself together. But I'm not getting any younger and its nice to have the company.

not that i saw. guess i got here too late.

interesting collection of paradoxes you have in your signature by the way.

though as for the god one. i'm not atheist but it is a nagging question and defies logic. to my knowledge it remains utterly unchallenged.

"everything came from god, but where'd he come from"

there's no texts whatsoever to explain his origins. nothing cannot create itself into something. so he didn't just spontaneously appear on his own from a void of nonexistence.

Yeah I've thought of those paradoxes myself so I'm glad you like them, and I agree with all of your views on God as well.

Well as on one has helped theOtherSide yet, I'll have a go, although I kinda fail at giving advice so you'll have to just bear with me. From what I can see it looks like you should stick with the one who you don’t think is a jerk but what it comes down to is which one likes you the most and will treat you the best. How long have you been seeing these guys? Which one have you known the longest? You should only carry on seeing one, the longer you see both of them the worse the choice is going to be when you're going to inevitably have to make it. As for taking a break from relationships; well it could help I suppose but it's a bad idea if you think you may have already found the right guy as you may not find anyone else and you will probably not get the chance to be with one of those 2 guys again.

I don't know you and I only can make a suggestion from what you tell us.

I'd go with the NT guy and quit undervaluing yourself.

You say:

"In the end, NT guy could get anyone he wants but he wants me."

So what is the problem? He likes you, he wants you. You have no reason to think otherwise.

Jerks don't become wonderful caring people overnight. In fact, if you want to see a jerk get a whole lot jerkier...marry them, that way you are locked in and they don't have to try to behave anymore.

Yes, you are worthy of a great guy. And no, don't bother to break from relationships and get yourself together. Seize the day. We'll all have ourselves together one day and that will be when we are 80.

thanks robo and granite. you both stay to stick with at least one and to stay away from the jerk. in all fairness to him, his jerkiness came at the very beginning of the relationship. he said that his feelings for me completely knocked him off his senses. since then he's been very sweet.

8O very astute. this is so true but didn't occur to me. this is why women need girl friends. will you be mine? i take back anything bad i ever said about NT women coming onto this board.


*sigh* i guess you are right. i will work on my confidence level. save more of the day for myself. its hard to do. when i have a man in my life i start to gravitate and rotate around them. i will try...

thanks again