Success at love

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I just want to hear anyone who has had success in love. I have been pondering the topic all week in my head. I would definetly like to find someone great someday but I am also feeling unsure about the whole thing. It would be nice to hear some success stories to lift my spirits and to know that one day it can happen.

I also would like to know from people if it is necessary to go out looking for love or do you just go through life and just let it come to you. This is thing that I have been struggling with mightily because I am more of a shy person and I have issues putting myself out there sometimes.

Get on okcupid.com NOW! Its pretty much the only truly free dating site out there. No fees period. If you haven't found love yet, then you need to go looking for sure. OKcupid is a great place for aspies.

Assuming you really want it.

And yes, some aspies do marry and have kids. You and I are proof that it happens. Don't hold out for the prom queen, supermodel or similar because those girls are already married or spoken for.

Don't look for her.She will come on the right place and time,don't worry
Someone will love the way you are.All you have to do is WAIT...
and I found out you're still 19 so you still have alot of time to do the waiting thing

Yes you should wait, you are just 19. I know it's hard as an aspie male, but the girls in your age group may not be as accepting as older ones, just wait and dont rush

It feels really demeaning when people younger than you keep telling you to wait... just saying...

Have either of you ever had relationships before?

Waiting is a bad idea especially for aspies. Most guys are at their peak of physical attractiveness at age 17-20. If you wait, things will only get harder. Okcupid is a great way to get noticed. There are other ways, but staying inside the house playing video games is not one of them.

Also, don't be upset if you end up with a fat lardbucket. Emotional compatibility is far more important. If you want to look at hot women, buy a playboy. If you want a good relationship, find a girl that can tolerate your aspie oddities.

i was 20 when i had my first taste of returned emotions, and, well, good times.

n4mwd, you sound like my friends "hey you should accept absolutely ANY girl, since your such a no good loser!"
hot women are simply not going to like an aspie period? the all in all 3 hot girls i got lucky with (4 in all, 1 wasnt hot) were all butt-ugly? was i wrong the whole time? whats "hot" anyway?

Yup. You have to find a woman that actually likes you back.

For some of us, that's a nigh impossible task...

i dont get that hollywood mentality

so, for her to like you she MUST be "a fat lardbucket"?

W H Y?

"if you want to look at hot women, buy a playboy" <--- an insult to everyone. men and women, aspies and NT, and everyone participating in this thread. so insulting, i am tempted to snap back, but ill get moderator warnings for such.
HORRIBLE thing to say, basically.

I agree with Z. its posts like this that make this subforum really annoying

Meh. I think he's actually describing the opposite of the Hollywood mentality. On screen, especially sitcoms, men often wind up with women far hotter than they are. People went on and on about this in reviews of "Knocked Up" where they noted that in real life, the Seth Rogan character wouldn't wind up with the Katherine Heigl character. There are a lot of movie men who are the alpha match for the alpha women they wind up with, but big and small screen show beta male characters frequently matched up with alpha female characters. Off the screen, alpha men wind up with alpha women and beta men wind up with beta women.

If you go to great swaths of the U.S. South, "fat lardbucket" women are girlfriends or married. And to men who would probably break their necks trying to get a look if Katherine Heigl or another Hollywood Hottie were filming there (filming a movie where she winds up with a beta male, probably, since that's the true Hollywood mentality). But these men would rather be in a relationship with somebody who accepts them than be alone all their years pining for hotness.

I don't see anything insulting about saying "if you want to look at hot women, buy a Playboy". All that really says to me is "fantasy is fine on paper, but if you want something other than fantasy, you must be far more flexible in your standards".

your basically saying the same thing: good looking woman? keep dreaming. only ugly women for aspies. why?

just explain why good looks are off limits for aspies.

No, Z - that was contained nowhere within either of their posts. Whereas n4mwd said it in a manner that I find distasteful, the point is that there is an unrealistic portrayal of romance which - for better or likely worse - many on the spectrum develop their expectations, these portrayals being the most easily observed and dissected. What I have gleaned is that many, regardless of spectrum classification, seem to believe that they are entitled or deserve someone of a certain type or appearance, or worse still reduce and constrain their tastes to the point where there is no one person on the planet who could meet all the arbitrary demands.

My wife-to-be is the most beautiful woman in the world to me; when we met, I was struck dumb by her. If I were to use the measure of society, I am sure she would be found by many to be attractive - but it is how I see her, not how others see her, that matters to me. Short form, it comes down to rejecting external examples of what one 'should' be doing or seeking, and finding what works for you.


M.

Off limits? No. And there are aspie men, perhaps on this board, who are in a relationship with one or have been in the past. HOWEVER, aspie men who have tried and failed and tried and failed and tried and failed only with beautiful women need to recalibrate their standards. There is much talk about how if only women would give aspie men a chance and get to really know them, they'd see the wonderful man inside. But are they willing to do the same with women? No, they are not. She must be pretty or forget it. (Certainly not all aspie men. I'm not going to tar with a broad brush. I've read plenty of posts from men who DO! give all types of women a chance and power to them- they make the world a better place). But I have little sympathy for men who are holding out for hotness on the grounds that they SHOULD be able to get a hot woman if only cruel, cruel hot women would stop being so unfair and would see their beautiful inner being. Funny how her beautiful inner being isn't relevent if she isn't hot.

Last edited by Janissy on 09 Aug 2009, 11:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

He's not saying that good looks are off limits... he's saying that emotional compatibility is far more important than looks if a relationship is to succeed, and incidentally that women that aren't as good looking are often overlooked...

Either of these points don't matter, however, if you can't find a woman that likes you, which is my big problem...

Here we are agreeing again. Cool