My aspie perpective on socializing, love and relationships

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When it comes to socialization, love and relationships, i do admit i have not had the best of luck. As a person who is able to solve many problems, from the simple questions to how the universe works the one problem that I seek to solve more than anything else in my life is to find love and developing the skills for socializing and relationships. And for this, I would like to share my perceptive on socialization, love and relationships as an aspie.

Trying to find social environments to meet people for an aspie like me would be the best place to start. As much as i like to separate myself from the rest of the world and just be in my own realm, i hurt inside from not being sociable. I just love to talk to interesting and intelligent people weather it be in between classes, an engineers night out at the local pub, or just some random encounter with an individual and just talk about things that make us both tick. As much i want to be sociable, i find the number of places i can go for a “night out on the town” is very limited to go as individual such as myself because i seek an environment where you fell comfortable with the people you are with as well as the place you're going to. Perhaps the only place i feel comfortable in going by myself is the anime screenings that my local anime club holds on Saturday evenings. I go from time time to time but i do know that im able to meet people just like me and have the same interests as i do and i find this comforting for me as it gives me the idea that there are many people just like me. Also, talking with a mutual friend helps out a lot i find, since the only person you have to interact is him/her and this person you can find common ground with.

There are times when i have to go to places that make me uncomfortable such as dance clubs, raves and the like, i have a deep resentment for these these types of social gatherings since there is little interaction between people in terms of conversation and because of this lack that whenever i get to go these places i get very depressed, sad and makes me want to cry since i fell very uncomfortable in these environments. So i tend to avoid them at all costs and aim for establishments that fit me as a person such as a comedy club, anime screening, sci-fi convention or anyplace that makes feel at home.

As for socializing with people, it is something deep down that i love to do but i run away from social gatherings because i am afraid my aspie side of me would show and i would not be appreciated for who i am with others. When it comes to approaching women, this fear gets multiplied by many times and im afraid that i may not have impressed her. But the magority of the time i am able to have a normal conversation with women.

Now about love and relationships. This part is what gets me the most. For me, love is an elusive thing. I am very grateful for love i get my family and friends but its love as an individual twords another person that i seek most of all. Many friends i know are ether in long term relationships, planning to get married or already married and with everyone i know being able to find a companion it makes me feeling like im left out in the cold and with it i sometimes get feelings of loneliness, grief, and loss of companionship. It can take me a while for me to get over these feeling since i get them but they have a habit of coming back on occasion.

When i started to get these emotions some time back, it got me to think that love was something i did not deserve and that only certain people were entitled to it. This came from the relationships i have had with women in the past. The relationships would be something i can never dream of, but it would quickly deteriorate due to the lack of relationship experience that i would have. The consequences would be something i would never thought happen to me. I don't wish to discuss it but in short what would happen is that i would take a long time to evaluate myself and find out ways to correct my errors. The fall out from relationships that have ended for me in recent memory made me felt i was smashed and run over by a charging rhino and in doing so made me reluctant into perusing more relationships with women. But i now i have a new resolve to learn from my mistakes and emerge as a better person and to persue relationships. I am a good guy i have to convince as many people as i can that i am such a person and more.

Well thats my perspective, to anyone who reads this i hope it draws some similarities in your life and are able to understand where i am coming from and you are able to draw inspiration from it. It took me many hours to write this post and to comb through my emotions. Thank you for reading

Well iam also not very good at social interactions, i wouldnt say that i have asperger syndrom, but some symptoms fit by for me. I wouldnt claim to have syndrom out of respect for people really suffering from it. So any way so far for me.

On your posting a can say that i know some of your problems as neuro normal. I think that you are quite functional in your confort zone, seen to the fact that you are studying engineering and attain social gatherings involving your special intrests. Even normal people dont like to go out alone, especially to clubs, bars and other social gathering situations were they never been before.

Clubs and so aint the best way to meet girls anyway, you should maybe try to atain more group activitys like sport clubs, book clubs, church groups or private charity organisations wich bring you in to contact with members of the fairer sex under much fever pressure.

In such an eviroment you have the opportunity to get slowly acustomed to a rather constant set of people. In such situations people are also more likely to making the first step in your direction, under them may some woman, woman wich you are attracted to and wich may even be attracted to you.

To your fear of rejection, this is also something even norms know and really no man can absolutly judge if a woman is attracted to him or not, wich leaves you two choices. First talk to her and try out how far you can get, but try this step by step. Or leave the girl alone and fail any way. Of cause you can and will get rejected but if you are courtous and cautios this failure doesnt hurt your friendship to this girl and her peer group. But you should not be to cautios than this can spoil your chances, you tend to be stuck in firendspace not in relationshipspace were you want to be. But even platonic female friends will help you a grate deal by actively or passivly introducing you to more girls.

So in a nutshell, get out conquer new comfort zones and meet girls and new people. This may not suit you well, but unfortunally there is no other way. Courage is not the lack of fear its what you do despite fear, kay this from outer limits it works.

And Lylat Wars rocks!

Thanx NinjaSquid for your output and adivise!

im in the process of casting away all my negative fears and vices about my condition and just trying to be as human as possible thru will power and determination. i have several channels in which i do this by going to the gym and such.

this is an issue i had to get off my chest and i am glad you responded. one of the reasons i came to this forum is because i find its a good place to vent and share my experiences as an aspie trying to make sence in the would he is thrown into.

And i take it from your from Europe coz Lylat Wars is the name for Star Fox in Europe. i am a former nintendo fanboy so i was able to pick that off. i am a bit of a fan of Star Fox.

Thanx again for reading and responding

Your Welcome

What is for me a great inspiration to overcome my initial fear of rejection is that if you dont overcome it and talk to some one you're looking like a freak any way. By talking to people you can make things worse in the most causes you better there oppinion about you.