Can someone help me overcome my dating fears?

Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ]

Joined: 11 Sep 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 2

12 Sep 2009, 2:11 am

I'm 17 and there's this girl I've liked for the past year or so. I want some advice on how to ask her out, so please bear with me. I have a few problems with asking her out. I'm fine with asking girls out. I've done it before. But with this girl, it's a different story.

1. How do I get to know her?
She was in one of my classes last year, but now she's not in any of them. I want to get to know her a bit before I ask her out. I'm not sure how to go about doing this since we hardly ever talk. We don't know our phone numbers or anything. I'd ask her to go someplace like a group outing or something, but I go to a small school and there's not a whole lot going on as far as group events go. Plus, I currently don't have my driver's license, so it would be extremely awkward.

2. How do I keep the relationship "fresh?"
She's a shy girl, so I'm going to have to bear the brunt of the conversation until she warms up to me. I don't mind this, but I want to keep doing things with her. I don't want it to turn "stale". I already mentioned I don't have a driver's license, and will not be able to acquire it for some time. I'm not really sure what to do.

3. How do I handle the kids at school?
I'm not the most popular guy or the "hottest" guy in school. I don't consider myself "ugly" and I do have friends, but I'm not exactly the dating type. If I were to date her, everyone would be like, "Ooo, you finally got a girlfriend?" "Eww, they're hugging in the hallway." "Hey, girl, why are you dating this loser?" I can already see it now. Everyone would constantly be annoying her and me, and I don't know if I want to put her through that.

Thanks in advance!

NarcissusSavage
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Sep 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 675

12 Sep 2009, 2:22 am

ryanshepard92 wrote:

1. You get to know her by talking to her, and engaging in activities together. To do that, especially since she is A) a girl, and B) shy....you will have to have the initiative.

2. Worry about this later, you can't keep a relationship fresh without being in it to begin with. Trust that you can overcome this obstacle when you get to it, and file it away in the back of your mind. Worrying about too many aspects of what might happen will ultimately overwhelm you.

3. Tell the kids at school to mind their own buisness. Seriously, you need to give the impression you won't tolerate any level of teasing, and it must come as an immediate reaction to the first sign of teasing. Again though, this isn't important yet, as you cannot get teased for a relationship you got too overwhelmed about to initiate.

Focus, step 1 is all you need to worry about right now. Go for it. If you do not, there will not be a relationship. If you try and fail, you will have learned something. Win win, either way. Doing nothing is a lose.

_________________
I am Ignostic.
Go ahead and define god, with universal acceptance of said definition.
I'll wait.

Kenjuudo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Mar 2009
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,552
Location: Norway

12 Sep 2009, 6:04 am

I've got only one advice for you: They can't and won't eat you. Go out there and make a fool out of yourself and feel like you'd like to sink into the floor. It won't kill you, even if it's embarrassing as hell. There's even a slight possibility of a positive response, and that response is worth working for.

_________________
When superficiality reigns your reality, you are already lost in the sea of normality.

jefe
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 4 May 2009
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 69
Location: Maine

12 Sep 2009, 8:57 am

Don't get ahead of yourself, just focus on talking to her now. Then worry about what comes after that. Can't set yourself up for disappointment you'll just compound all the pressure.

_________________
The very Caucasian Jefe!

spooky13
Velociraptor

Joined: 14 Jul 2009
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 499
Location: Drifting through the fog of reality

12 Sep 2009, 7:12 pm

I agree, work on talking to her now and see how it goes. You won't know till you try, and even if she says no, at least you' ll know you tried.

_________________
"Why do it today when I can put it off until tomorrow."
Diagnosed aspie with an NT alter-ego.

Merle
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Oct 2007
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 514
Location: Lake Tahoe

14 Sep 2009, 4:33 am

ryanshepard92 wrote:

Facebook, twitter, text messages. Do you have friends in common where you can, with a small group, go out? Small town: It's a plus, she's probably bored too.

Quote:

2. How do I keep the relationship "fresh?"
She's a shy girl, so I'm going to have to bear the brunt of the conversation until she warms up to me. I don't mind this, but I want to keep doing things with her. I don't want it to turn "stale". I already mentioned I don't have a driver's license, and will not be able to acquire it for some time. I'm not really sure what to do.

Since you're both feeling each other out and don't know much about each other, it's going to be new. Assuming you have enough things to talk about, talks generally turn to the future and this also keeps things new. If you have a few bucks and both of you feel safe, hop a train/bus/plane and hit a bigger city.

Quote:

3. How do I handle the kids at school?
I'm not the most popular guy or the "hottest" guy in school. I don't consider myself "ugly" and I do have friends, but I'm not exactly the dating type. If I were to date her, everyone would be like, "Ooo, you finally got a girlfriend?" "Eww, they're hugging in the hallway." "Hey, girl, why are you dating this loser?" I can already see it now. Everyone would constantly be annoying her and me, and I don't know if I want to put her through that.

They're going to do it. If you comment on it you'll not only draw attention, but feel awkward leading up to the encounter and constantly second guess yourself after it. This is a complex encounter with no 'right' answer.

So learn to deal, and you ignore it. Something else will happen in your neck of the woods and soon you'll be part of the background noise and kids will talk about other things.

In life, you'll realize the only true control you'll have is control over yourself and how you react.

Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ]

Jump to:

Can someone help me overcome my dating fears? Post Reply New Topic

Can someone help me overcome my dating fears?