Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

Jaejoongfangirl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 557

08 Sep 2009, 2:33 pm

So, over the weekend I met a great guy, and, after talking for maybe 15 minutes, we found out we went to the same school. We talked some more, and he asked to exchange phone numbers. So we did, and we hung out for a while longer.

As I perceived it, we got along pretty well: He was an interesting, attractive guy and seemed sort of interested in me as well. He had left the group he had come with to come and sit by me, so I figured that must mean something. When I noticed the conversation lulling and/or if there was an awkward silence and I tried to say/ask something so we could have a new, fresh topic. But sometimes I couldn't think of anything, so we just sat quietly for a little while. I felt like that meant there was some sort of issue, since it felt a bit awkward.

Some friends (who happen to be NT) that I trust, sat behind us and later told me a different version than what I thought. They said that it was so 'adorable' when we weren't talking, because this guy apparently kept looking over at me like he wanted to keep talking with me but didn't know what to say.
So with that new insight, I figured out that he was definitely interested.

Well, a couple nights after that I was moving back onto campus (I'd left for the long weekend), and I got a call from him that went to voice mail since I was literally carrying my things up the stairs at the time and couldn't answer. Well, he left a message inviting me over to watch a movie.

Needless to say, I was excited and a bit nervous, but I did have quite a bit of homework to do, plus, I was exhausted (I had a long, very busy day. Talking to lots of people, very little down time.)I had just gotten back to my dorm and needed to put stuff away and, most importantly, relax.

I really did want to go over and see him again, but I thought about it and I decided that a) I had other things to do that night and, b) I wasn't really in the mood for another stressful social encounter that day, even though I really wanted to go.

So, I called him back, it went to voice mail and I politely said that I'd love to see him again another time, but I'd just gotten back on campus and was tired Blah blah blah...
He texted me back later saying 'that was fine' and that ' maybe we should get lunch sometime?' I wrote back a short note saying 'that would be fun' and that 'I'd see him around campus.'

~~~

Well, that lengthy, rather in-depth description was just to describe the situation. If I jumped to any conclusions that I shouldn't have anywhere in it, let me know.

My question is: What do I need to do next?
Do I wait for him to call or should I actively do something? When?
Since I turned down his first invite, might that change things? Should I still expect a call or is it my 'turn'?

Advice/insight would be much appreciated. Help, please!



duke666
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 8 Aug 2009
Age: 69
Gender: Male
Posts: 381
Location: San Francisco

08 Sep 2009, 2:47 pm

Yes. It is your turn.

Everything is fine, but you gave him some mixed messages, so you need to clarify your interest by taking initiative.

Call him and make a lunch date, and at lunch try make another date (even a tentative one).


_________________
"Yeah, I've always been myself, even when I was ill.
Only now I seem myself. And that's the important thing.
I have remembered how to seem."
-The Madness of King George


Granite
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 10 Aug 2009
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 123

08 Sep 2009, 2:48 pm

I would give him 48 hours to invite you to lunch.

You turned down his date which means he may think you aren't interested. Although,I am completely unimpressed that he asked you for a date on the same day as the date, and I am unimpressed that he asked you to come by and watch a movie at his place. Unacceptable unacceptable. I don't like hang-out first dates.

If you still want to see him again, in 2 days call him up and tell him you want to take him up on his offer for lunch. Then set up a proper lunch date.



Willard
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,647

08 Sep 2009, 3:58 pm

Jaejoongfangirl wrote:
So, I called him back, it went to voice mail and I politely said that I'd love to see him again another time


This was an excellent touch - kudos!

I can't count the times someone has turned me down with an excuse and I couldn't tell if it was legitimate, or they were just blowing me off. If you don't know, it's tough to tell whether you should leave them alone or try again. You let him know very clearly that you're interested in spending time with him, it was just bad timing at that moment. Vera nice. :wink:



DonkeyBuster
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 May 2009
Age: 67
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,311
Location: New Mexico, USA

08 Sep 2009, 4:16 pm

Give him a call and set up a lunch date. :)

In this day and age, a kind of back and forth in setting up get togethers is good. More equitable. Not so much 'The Hunter and The Hunted'.

I'd avoid hanging out at his place just yet... things can progress pretty quickly when you get into each other's 'private space'... try for public get togethers a few times, things like lunch, study at the library, movies out, dinner & concert, whatever you're into while you get to know each other better. Just arbitrary here, but give it a month.

Find out his drinking/drug habits, his major, how he reacts to various situations, meet some of his buddies... kind of a low-key background check. 8O Is there some actual compatibility or is it just raging hormones?

You can even try being up front about wanting to get to know him better and taking it kind of slow... see how he reacts to that.

Unless all you're really looking for is to get laid, then never mind. :roll:



Granite
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 10 Aug 2009
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 123

08 Sep 2009, 4:26 pm

Good tips, Donkeybuster.

However, me being me, I'd go a step further than a low-key background check. Find the correct spelling of this man's name and check his criminal history. Many states now have criminal records online and it is really easy to see what your date is like beforehand. This can save you a lot of time and effort.

Naturally you don't want to date anyone with long prison sentences and violent offenses. Figure a person who has a few DWIs is an alcoholic, drug offenses are self-explanatory and someone with multiple moving violations doesn't like to follow rules and laws. I found out the guy that I dated briefly this summer had about 5 lawsuits going against people that he felt had done him wrong, he enjoyed suing people.

It's easy to do and better safe than sorry. This tip goes for both men and women who are actively dating.



DonkeyBuster
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 May 2009
Age: 67
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,311
Location: New Mexico, USA

08 Sep 2009, 4:46 pm

Good idea, but for a high school or college student there may not be much there. At least in the US, juvenile offenses are not public record.

And it kinda sucks the romance right out of it. :lol:

Besides, one dinner & dance date and you'll know the guy's drinking habits... and his driving habits. Meeting his buddies will tell you a lot too. And in a month, if he's got a bad temper, you've got a pretty good chance of seeing it directed at something, even if it's not you.

I like to see someone get angry at least once before I begin to trust them... everybody gets angry, it's how they deal with it that counts.



Dilbert
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Mar 2009
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,728
Location: 47°36'N 122°20'W

08 Sep 2009, 5:44 pm

Yeah suggest a lunch date. If it goes well, he ought to invite you to a dinner.

Don't let him in your pants before at least a third date. By then you will find out what he's really after. ;)



polymathpoolplayer
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 11 Aug 2009
Age: 76
Gender: Male
Posts: 473

11 Sep 2009, 2:22 am

Granite wrote:
I would give him 48 hours to invite you to lunch.

You turned down his date which means he may think you aren't interested. Although,I am completely unimpressed that he asked you for a date on the same day as the date, and I am unimpressed that he asked you to come by and watch a movie at his place. Unacceptable unacceptable. I don't like hang-out first dates.

If you still want to see him again, in 2 days call him up and tell him you want to take him up on his offer for lunch. Then set up a proper lunch date.


Wow what a bigot. Thankfully I won't have to run into such a judgmental person as you are. People are entitled to be different, you little....



Last edited by polymathpoolplayer on 11 Sep 2009, 2:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

polymathpoolplayer
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 11 Aug 2009
Age: 76
Gender: Male
Posts: 473

11 Sep 2009, 2:25 am

Willard wrote:
I can't count the times someone has turned me down with an excuse and I couldn't tell if it was legitimate, or they were just blowing me off. If you don't know, it's tough to tell whether you should leave them alone or try again.

Which is why I never give second chances. If they aren't at least a little thunderstruck and go out despite feeling a little tired then that says I'm boring and who needs to have that rubbed in their face? Let them sulk and stew and not repeat that again - serves them right. I am not to be trifled with.



Dilbert
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Mar 2009
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,728
Location: 47°36'N 122°20'W

11 Sep 2009, 2:30 am

polymathpoolplayer wrote:

Wow what a bigot. Thankfully I won't have to run into such a judgmental person as you are. People are entitled to be different, you little....


What the? 8O 8O

You are going to get yourself banned if you continue this.