How much distance is too much distance for a relationship?

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Ugh. I've been tempted to try Internet dating some more, but am kind of weighing the pros and cons.

I have no interest in the bar scene, speed dating or any of that nonsense. I'm not horrible looking and it's not impossible for me to meet men in RL, but I take a while to warm up to someone and trust them. So, the idea of getting to know someone a little before meeting them has definite appeal. It just seems near impossible to meet someone online who is both a good match and local, too.

My only experience with online dating was putting up a profile on Aspie Affection a while back, though, and all of the responses I got were from people far away. Earlier this year, I ended up meeting and really caring about a guy about 5 hours from where I am in southern PA, only to break it off because I was frustrated by the distance and the fact that it was so hard for us to get to see each other. It was tough.

On the one hand, I love my job and have trouble imagining seeing myself ever relocating for a relationship, but I'm also wondering if I'm being too close-minded here. Should I learn from previous experience or just take a risk and see what might happen the next time around? What do you guys think?

Let's be honest, you are female and your'e claiming that you're not ugly, so you don't need e-dating.

Why venturing yourself into online dating in the first place? Not saying that you won't have a chance there, on the contrary, but you'll find a better quality of men in the real life.

Last edited by LePetitPrince on 27 Sep 2009, 2:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Wow, LPP - that was a remarkably sexist comment.

Getting to know people is a good thing, whether it is in person, by phone, or online. Meeting people online can be dicey, but there are risks inherent in every method. Some of my best relationships came out of meeting people online, even dating back into the pre-internet BBS era. Distance is a personal choice; my fiance and I were 1600 miles apart for almost a decade before we were able to make the changes necessary in order to be together. My vote is that you give it a try: by doing it, you gain a minor risk; in not doing so, you lose countless opportunities.


M.

Recently I got re-acquainted with a former girlfriend.
Some years ago it fainted away because of the distance, at least that was what I thought it was. Now I live on a 45 minutes drive from her and decided to date with her again. After meeting her three times I decided to break it up. The dates were nice, but there was something in her personality I did not like.

Probably I was using the distance as an excuse for a certain feeling or opinion I could not understand yet. So distance should not be a big factor in your decisions. Distances are to be solved.

Wow, tsk tsk... makuranososhi . .... makuranososhi ...every time ... makuranososhi !

makuranososhi ,can you do me a favor?

Can you stop criticizing my advices in each thread?

Let's make a deal, let me shoot my ideas without commenting them , and you shoot yours (and I won't comment them, even tho it's you who always starts criticizing every post of mine).

That's a fine deal I think.

Depends on what you can handle. I don't think I'd like long distance - I like spending time with people. And I've had bad experiences meeting people who I've got on with online but found totally incompatible in person. (And bad experiences of other kinds, too - some relationships just suck, and sometimes two people will never be compatible.)

Long distance can be incredibly pointless and bordering on fantasy as to the expectations if there is no imminent possibility of the distance gap being closed.

I agree, that's how both my aunt and uncle met and they've been together for 4 years.

Normally I would've said online relationships don't work but I've seen it work for some people.

Online dating would probably work only if both of them live on the same country and same city/town. No one with sane mind would risk to re-locate for something uncertain to last like a relationship.

You have a better chance of meeting someone you're actually compatible with online, since you can screen guys' profiles before even talking to them and only talk to people who seem to have similar interests and views as you. When you meet people face to face, you have no idea what kind of person they are. Try okcupid.com it's free and has a lot of questions to help match you up with someone in the compatibility test feature. It worked for me. I met my boyfriend the first day I was there and we've been together almost a year and a half. We met in person before we started an actual relationship though, and we see each other every day.

Don't waste your time on an online only/long distance relationship, since those never work. I had one of those once for like a month, and ended up leaving the guy for some loser I met at school and didn't even like that much since I needed more than just talking online and texting. Especially since I don't think we really had as much in common as the guy thought we did.

Good balanced advice, guys. Thanks.

I guess I'll consider giving it a shot because I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels here and hate the thought of missing opportunities. But, I'll just have to limit how much I'd be willing to compromise on distance.

I think what Shebakoby said was what I'd been thinking, too. If it's not a reasonable day trip for me to spend time with someone, I think it'll be too hard for me.

It depends on how much effort one or both people are willing to put into the relationship.

How did you do that? My profile on okcupid has been there for all of 5 days and I haven't gotten a single response!

Anyways...

Several months ago, I was IM'ing this girl from Washington, then I was in the process of moving and we lost all contact. She removed me from her contacts list...

So I had a little experience in a long distance relationship. They leave a feeling of well... "This relationship will never ever go anywhere". And despite how much my town sucks, I won't relocate, as I am too poor to do so.

Ah, LPP... No deal.

First, I think perhaps you have grown forgetful of your own past commentary towards me; second, if I disagree with what you have said then I will respond. If you find my responses in violation of site rules, then you are welcome and invited to ask another moderator to get involved. But when it comes to your advice, I will not be silent if you are the first to post in the thread - absolutely absurd, honestly. If you do not want your advice analyzed and critical feedback given, then perhaps your best avenue would be to respond to the relevant posts in PM instead of publicly.


M.

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A question (or two) for you, LPP - are jobs any more certain than a relationship? Family, even? Employment isn't guaranteed; neither is family support, at least in my own experience. What makes relationships the target of your skepticism over any other cause for relocation or investigation? Admittedly, the odds improve if the individuals are in the same country, and even more so if they are in the same town... that proximity improves the potential odds does not seem to be that hard to infer. But to criticize and question the sanity of those who would move for love over those who would move for financial gain or career advancement simply baffles me.

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Perhaps the moderator would like to explain what was sexist in lpp's post.
And this 'ah, no deal' makes a rather arrogant impression.

He believes that since the OP is female, that she should have guys falling onto her lap. The truth is that some women have difficulties meeting suitable people IRL, and do better online.