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Winternight
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29 Sep 2009, 12:55 pm

when you personally meet a girl, do you try to do it in isolation, like a park or back road? that's what I do. I never go for girls who are amongst their friends, or a crowd of strangers. I think isolation is important because a) she won't be guilty of showing more of her sexuality to someone. women don't do this so much in public because they're afraid society will judge them. b) you don't have to deal with competition. c) it's more comfortable without all the white noise going on: talking, car horns, screaming, yelling, laughter, footsteps, etc.

I think Aspies increase their chances quite a lot by making it a point to meet girls in isolation.



ToadOfSteel
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29 Sep 2009, 1:17 pm

On the other hand, if you're trying to get her alone, she might think you're trying to rape her or something...



Winternight
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29 Sep 2009, 1:23 pm

that really could be a problem. It depends on how well you were able to comfort (yet sexually excite her) during your conversation. Toad Of Steel (nice to meet you!) I left a comment on your thread with the comic strip on my thoughts about how to make her more comfortable from the start. Now keep in mind I haven't got a chance to try it out yet, but it sounds like it might just work.

When approaching a girl I'm going to say "Forgive the interruption. I only want to talk to you for a minute."



Janissy
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29 Sep 2009, 1:48 pm

Even if you have the most benign intentions, that is threatening behaviour. You really shouldn't do that. There is a reason why the very first comment you got said this. This is why women carry pepper spray and mace. Or you will get kicked where it counts to give the girl time to run.

Repeat.

Don't

Ever

Do This!



Winternight
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29 Sep 2009, 1:50 pm

Please describe to me how meeting a girl in an empty park (where you both happen to be) and saying "Forgive the interruption, I only want to talk to you for a minute" is threatening behavior.

I have Asperger's, and you're a neurotypical. So surely you have some deep social insight into why this can't possibly be a good idea for meeting women.



starygrrl
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29 Sep 2009, 2:18 pm

Winternight wrote:
Please describe to me how meeting a girl in an empty park (where you both happen to be) and saying "Forgive the interruption, I only want to talk to you for a minute" is threatening behavior.

I have Asperger's, and you're a neurotypical. So surely you have some deep social insight into why this can't possibly be a good idea for meeting women.


It is threatening. Generally speaking when women are alone in isolated places we feel...unsafe. So if a guy walked up to me and tried to talk to me I would find it rather irksome, if not threatening. I should know, guys have approached me in desolate areas and HAVE tried to attack me or harassed me. Sorry male and isolated environment are two things that do not work for me. Also I prefer it that I first meet somebody in a public space like a coffeehouse for a first meeting. Hopefully this makes sense...approaching a woman in an isolated area is seriously creepy behavior...don't do it.
I have an ASD too...but many NT women I know feel the same way over this issue.



Winternight
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29 Sep 2009, 2:21 pm

I'm willing to bet the man who approached you gave you the impression he was going to hang around for a long time. And he never showed much consideration on top of that.

Am I right?



starygrrl
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29 Sep 2009, 2:36 pm

Winternight wrote:
I'm willing to bet the man who approached you gave you the impression he was going to hang around for a long time. And he never showed much consideration on top of that.

Am I right?


Seriously...Women don't like to meet people for the first time in isolated places. Period. It doesn't matter what a person says to me if I am alone, if they are a guy, I am going to feel threatened. It is not whether or not he is going to hang around a long time or not. So no...you're wrong. The situation you propose is inherently troublesome. Isolated places are fun when the guy is already your boyfriend, but creepy as hell otherwise.

If you want some honest advice where to meet for a date. Pick a resturant that is not too crowded, and quiet enough where you two can talk.

But completely isolated places is problematic, talk about raising all sorts of red flags.



Winternight
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29 Sep 2009, 2:45 pm

Quote:
If you want some honest advice where to meet for a date. Pick a resturant that is not too crowded, and quiet enough where you two can talk.


I don't have a car. Or a bike. Or a job. I don't have the option of choosing wherever I want. I have to make due with what I can. I live next to a park in a small community out in the middle of nowhere wher attractive girls sometimes go to the lake. I've been waiting for months to get out of here, but it's not happening anytime soon.

Give me women, or give me death, because I refuse to wait any longer. From what I've studied, isolation can be used to my benefit for the reasons I listed in the first post.

This is my method that I believe in, this is how I'm going to do it. Others are welcomed to try it out also, but nobody will discourage me.



starygrrl
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29 Sep 2009, 2:56 pm

Winternight wrote:
Quote:
If you want some honest advice where to meet for a date. Pick a resturant that is not too crowded, and quiet enough where you two can talk.


I don't have a car. Or a bike. Or a job. I don't have the option of choosing wherever I want. I have to make due with what I can. I live next to a park in a small community out in the middle of nowhere wher attractive girls sometimes go to the lake. I've been waiting for months to get out of here, but it's not happening anytime soon.

Give me women, or give me death, because I refuse to wait any longer. From what I've studied, isolation can be used to my benefit for the reasons I listed in the first post.

This is my method that I believe in, this is how I'm going to do it. Others are welcomed to try it out also, but nobody will discourage me.


Seriously, this bothers me a great deal. At the very least you sound like a serial harasser waiting to happen, at worst you sound like a rapist waiting to happen. Everything you have put forth, including the first post, sounds extremely problematic and creepy. If a woman is alone, it means she wants to be alone. Seriously, you need to figure out what is and is not acceptable behavior with regards to women first, because as its sounding you seem rather creepy.



Winternight
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29 Sep 2009, 3:00 pm

Thanks for making unfounded accusations. You don't even know me. I've told you my situation so you understand why I HAVE to approach in isolation, but then you turn around and accuse me of being a rapist.

Wow. Unbelievable.



starygrrl
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29 Sep 2009, 3:10 pm

Winternight wrote:
Thanks for making unfounded accusations. You don't even know me. I've told you my situation so you understand why I HAVE to approach in isolation, but then you turn around and accuse me of being a rapist.

Wow. Unbelievable.


I read your situation. But I gave honest advice to how you are sounding right now. I am not calling you a rapist, but some of your ideas are very much off base, and sound a bit like how a rapist may view certian things (isolated area, nobody around, etc). My advice...get your life in order before you even think about dating. I know this hurts...but honestly, what you are planning on doing would bother me quite a bit, and it would bother most women. While you may have this theory, as wonderful as you think it is, it is problematic from a female perspective.



Janissy
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29 Sep 2009, 3:39 pm

starygrrl wrote:
Winternight wrote:
Please describe to me how meeting a girl in an empty park (where you both happen to be) and saying "Forgive the interruption, I only want to talk to you for a minute" is threatening behavior.

I have Asperger's, and you're a neurotypical. So surely you have some deep social insight into why this can't possibly be a good idea for meeting women.


It is threatening. Generally speaking when women are alone in isolated places we feel...unsafe. So if a guy walked up to me and tried to talk to me I would find it rather irksome, if not threatening. I should know, guys have approached me in desolate areas and HAVE tried to attack me or harassed me. Sorry male and isolated environment are two things that do not work for me. Also I prefer it that I first meet somebody in a public space like a coffeehouse for a first meeting. Hopefully this makes sense...approaching a woman in an isolated area is seriously creepy behavior...don't do it.
I have an ASD too...but many NT women I know feel the same way over this issue.


QFT!! Seconded and all that. For all the places NT and AS women may diverge, we sure as heck both have this in common because we're women. Not that you have to be a woman to see that this is threatening. ToadofSteel raised the issue in the very first repsonse post.



arielhawksquill
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29 Sep 2009, 3:39 pm

Just wanted to second the opinion that women are scared of men approaching them in isolated places when they are alone. If you approach a woman in such a situation, she is going to be on guard and defensive and you will not have much chance for successful interaction with her.



Janissy
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29 Sep 2009, 3:42 pm

Winternight wrote:
Quote:
If you want some honest advice where to meet for a date. Pick a resturant that is not too crowded, and quiet enough where you two can talk.


I don't have a car. Or a bike. Or a job. I don't have the option of choosing wherever I want. I have to make due with what I can. I live next to a park in a small community out in the middle of nowhere wher attractive girls sometimes go to the lake. I've been waiting for months to get out of here, but it's not happening anytime soon.

Give me women, or give me death, because I refuse to wait any longer. From what I've studied, isolation can be used to my benefit for the reasons I listed in the first post.

This is my method that I believe in, this is how I'm going to do it. Others are welcomed to try it out also, but nobody will discourage me.


Somebody is going to give you pepper spray or mace. Don't say you weren't warned. This is not an NT/AS issue. This is a "don't approach women as though you were a rapist" issue. If you do, you will get pepper sprayed or maced. And yes, rapists frequently use innocuous opening lines such as the one you were contemplating. It doesn't put a woman at her ease. But at least it does give her a moment to run. Or get the pepper spray out of her purse.



Janissy
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29 Sep 2009, 3:45 pm

Winternight wrote:
Thanks for making unfounded accusations. You don't even know me. I've told you my situation so you understand why I HAVE to approach in isolation, but then you turn around and accuse me of being a rapist.

Wow. Unbelievable.


If you approach in a woman alone in an isolated place, she will immediately think you are a rapist. Innocent, harmless men DON'T DO THIS. Still insisting you are innocent and harmless? Then prove it by never, ever approaching a woman this way.