I think I know what my problem really is...

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ToadOfSteel
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29 Sep 2009, 12:33 pm

After viewing yesterday's xkcd, I think I've come to terms with what may really be the issue with my inability to find a girlfriend:

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I have to confess that there have been times in the past (many times in the past, actually) that I've gone through pretty much the exact same thought process as the guy seen here...



Winternight
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29 Sep 2009, 1:19 pm

Heheh. I know what that's like. More or less.

it's sometimes hard for me to approach a girl without her labeling me as a creep for no good reason. that's why when I go back into the field, I'm going to say something like "Forgive the interruption, I only want to talk to you for a minute." that's what Ross Jeffries (founder of the seduction community) suggests doing, and it sounds like reasonable advice.

That way you're showing that you're considerate, safe, and aren't going to follow her around for very long. then she's more open to what you have to say, theoretically.



Janissy
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29 Sep 2009, 1:58 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
After viewing yesterday's xkcd, I think I've come to terms with what may really be the issue with my inability to find a girlfriend:

Image
link

I have to confess that there have been times in the past (many times in the past, actually) that I've gone through pretty much the exact same thought process as the guy seen here...


And you did read the last panel where she writes in her blog, right? OK, they exaggerated this for cartoon effect, but I wouldn't be a bit surprised if part of your problem actually is that women have responded positively to you but in their (our) own oblique way so that you didn't realize it. But they won't keep trying and trying. They just give up if you don't realize you have been responded to positively. And then go write in a blog/tell their freinds, "I thought that guy was into me but I guess not".



Tias
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29 Sep 2009, 2:10 pm

Gief moar of those little comics D:
i like......

But no really, guess thats another thing to, that some of us are so pessimistic that we are missing out on such chances ^^;



Gremmie
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29 Sep 2009, 3:48 pm

Woo! xkcd! :D :D :D

To be honest I don't think anyone would react as violently as she did in his imagination, so relax a bit. :P On the bright side, actually recognising a problem might help finding ways around it. Honestly I've read The Game, and this might sound a little bit odd coming from a girl, but if the sort of techniques used in the whole seduction community thing help you actually talk to people and find a bit more confidence then maybe give them a go (just don't go completely overboard with it).
The way I see the aspie thing is yes it makes a lot of things harder, but if you keep working and keep practising and keep learning you can get so much better at it all. It's like most people seem to pick a lot of things up subconsiously whereas we have to pay a lot more attention. So practise. You could even start by politely asking someone the time if you can't see a clock anywhere and have no watch or phone or anything visible. In my experience, someone following me down the street asking for my name and phone number is creepy, someone just making a simple comment then leaving it to me how to respond is not.
Just my opinion. :)



Janissy
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29 Sep 2009, 4:14 pm

Gremmie wrote:
. You could even start by politely asking someone the time if you can't see a clock anywhere and have no watch or phone or anything visible. In my experience, someone following me down the street asking for my name and phone number is creepy, someone just making a simple comment then leaving it to me how to respond is not.
Just my opinion. :)


My opinion too. Back in the day, I was approached both ways. The "name and number" guys made me just walk faster and go into a crowded store if necessary. But open ended comments I gave a comment in return to.



Dilbert
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29 Sep 2009, 5:47 pm

:oops: Me. This very morning, at a Starbucks. My friend and I skipped work for 15 minutes and went to get coffee. Really cute blonde (not my type, but reallllly pretty) was totally into me. She even did the hair twirl every time I walked past her. Alas we had to run back to the office. She looked pissed when we walked out without talking to her. :?



MDD123
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29 Sep 2009, 10:04 pm

That's a move in the right direction.



polymathpoolplayer
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30 Sep 2009, 2:07 am

Janissy wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
After viewing yesterday's xkcd, I think I've come to terms with what may really be the issue with my inability to find a girlfriend:

Image
link

I have to confess that there have been times in the past (many times in the past, actually) that I've gone through pretty much the exact same thought process as the guy seen here...


And you did read the last panel where she writes in her blog, right? OK, they exaggerated this for cartoon effect, but I wouldn't be a bit surprised if part of your problem actually is that women have responded positively to you but in their (our) own oblique way so that you didn't realize it. But they won't keep trying and trying. They just give up if you don't realize you have been responded to positively. And then go write in a blog/tell their freinds, "I thought that guy was into me but I guess not".

Hi Janissy! Nice to see you posting here.

Actually if you look at the panels in none of them (except the last) does the lady share anything positive about the man, and even then it's not positive to him; to him she is "scathing" in her rejection. How would a man read that any other way? I sure couldn't.



CerebralDreamer
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30 Sep 2009, 3:42 am

I'd have to say this is one of my big problems, because I've gone through that same exact thought process. Even with someone I think has the same feelings, it scares me to ask them out. Hopefully it's worth it.



Dilbert
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30 Sep 2009, 3:44 am

Look closely. All the drawings except the last one were in dude's imagination. He thought about talking to the girl, and figured she'd reject him. So he just sat there in silence. Meanwhile, she thinks he's cute and she's waiting for him to say something. :lol:



ToadOfSteel
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30 Sep 2009, 8:32 am

Dilbert wrote:
Look closely. All the drawings except the last one were in dude's imagination. He thought about talking to the girl, and figured she'd reject him. So he just sat there in silence. Meanwhile, she thinks he's cute and she's waiting for him to say something. :lol:


Yes, and I realized as much... I'm saying that the same scenario runs through my head with any girl I don't know....



jimb424
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30 Sep 2009, 9:15 am

That is so true. I missed so many opportunities through misread cues. I would "rewind the tape" later and smack myself for not seeing it in real time.

Because of overthinking, women would have to be very direct with me to get through. Even then, I often doubted what I was seeing.



deadeyexx
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30 Sep 2009, 9:17 am

I don't even think the panels in the boy's imagination were that bad. It's not like the people on the train formed an angry mob & lynched him. Even a few nasty words shouldn't rattle your cage enough to keep you from going after what you want.



SINsister
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30 Sep 2009, 12:09 pm

Dilbert wrote:
Really cute blonde (not my type, but reallllly pretty) was totally into me.


I'm not asking this to be offensive or because I doubt your perceptions, but: did you really KNOW that the girl was interested in you, or were you making an assumption?


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Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

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Dilbert
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30 Sep 2009, 12:54 pm

SINsister wrote:
Dilbert wrote:
Really cute blonde (not my type, but reallllly pretty) was totally into me.


I'm not asking this to be offensive or because I doubt your perceptions, but: did you really KNOW that the girl was interested in you, or were you making an assumption?

I knew. I can read the clues, but I have no idea how to approach or what to say. :?