How to break up with obsessed NT girlfriend

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Hi guys,

Here's a little backstory. This girl and I have known each other for over three years. We started dating only a few days after I met her, and it was the best relationship a guy could have asked for. Around the year and a half point, things started getting rocky, and we broke up for 8 months.. got back together, and we've been on and off since then. What changed, you ask? I think she's too far in love with me. She's gotten jealous, possessive, and obsessive. Last time I broke up with her, 2 months ago, she saw on my facebook that I'd been chatting with another girl (who was no more than a friend, I might add) and got extremely jealous, called me up half-crying, half-angry. I hated to see that, so I got back together with her.. yeah, I know, it might have been my undoing.

Now it's clear we're going different directions in life. I recently moved, so the relationship is 4-hours long distance, and I'm sure many of you know how difficult that can be. She gets jealous at the drop of a hat.. Like, we'll be talking on the phone, and I'll hear the text tone, and say something like "oh cool, just got a text." She'll say "who was it? Hang up, check it, call me back and tell me who it was!" I'll refuse, she'll begin to get angry. Speaking of which, she also has anger management issues, and has cussed me out multiple times in the past few weeks, called me an as*hole, idiot, and plenty of things with the F-word in them, all while I retained my cool (it gets harder every time).

I don't feel like we're on the same page anymore. She says she'd marry me tomorrow, and she'd like to spend the rest of her life with me. I just don't feel the same way. I'm 22, doing well, and going to the U, she's 21, underemployed, and living with her mother.. which is fine, but she expresses no desire to move out or up. I don't even want to date other girls, you know? But I do want that sense of freedom. That feeling of not having to call someone every day and night to quell irrational, unjustified jealousy fears and to open a discussion that will probably end in an argument anyway.

Help?

I do think she would make a wonderful friend, but as a girlfriend, she leaves a bit to be desired. That and the good times we had years ago keep me from just dumping her outright. I'd feel terrible. Oh, she's undoubtedly NT, extremely social, and doesn't really show her insecurities to anyone besides me.

Thanks!

Have you talked to her about this?
How you feel? And in what direction this is going?
If you havn't you should maybe try to make her understand that you also want some more freedom.
If you have, and she's still doing this, you should do what "your heart tells you to do" --> do what you think is best

obsessed? Are you SURE she's NT?

I've noticed that sometimes women can become extremely attached, especially NT women. For some, this just amplifies pre-existing fears of rejection or betrayal, which can lead to a situation like yours. I really can't tell you what to do about this, as it seems she's become really attached, and constantly afraid of you leaving. To be honest, I can't blame her as you've left twice before.

If her anger is the reason you're considering an end to the relationship, it might be worth telling her outright. Just let her know that it gets more difficult every time she goes off on you, and that it's become extremely draining. You just can't handle the anger, and nobody deserves to deal with that. Tell her she has two months to clean up her act, and get her anger under control, or it's over.

If she's willing to put in the effort, I'm sure you can salvage what you had before. If you just want out, then it may be helpful to just tell her the truth on why you're breaking up, but understand that you should make a decision. If you walk out, don't go back. If you want things to work out, give her the two months. Just try to make a decision and stick to it, for both your sakes.

I'd say; choose and stick with your choice!
You've been in and out of this relationship. Whenever she starts obsessing you get back together; that's the best way to teach her how to obsess in ways that can manipulate you.

You're obviously out of her league, you just haven't found a better choice of girlfriend yet. Be a man and break up with her and don't let manipulative obessiveness change your mind. You'll only leave a less attractive (as in more whiney) girl to her new boyfriend.

Do yourself and her a favour and break her heart, cheat on her if you must but; get this over with.

She does sound a bit much. You live 4 hours away from her, so distance might be a good excuse if you are planning a final break up. Her jealousy may be the real reason behind it, but if you say this, she may claim to have changed or tone it down enough to get you back again, before the cycle restarts...

I agree with angelicgoddess; you should pick a choice and stick with it. The fact that you guys have been on and off for so long will make it harder for her to believe that this time it really is off, and I'm not sure you will be able to still be friends afterwards; you would have to deal with her trying to get back with you all the time, and woe betide you ever get a new girlfriend... .

I'm afraid I can't give you any advice on how to dump her and still keep her as a friend, unless you find a way to engineer things so that she dumps you (cowardly, but at least she will feel she had the final say).

Put under certain circomstances, men can be so courageous sometimes, so brave
How sweet to leave her the last (nasty) word

How to break up with her? Easy in two words: restraining order. She will think twice about contacting or being with you if there is a chance she will end up in jail. But keep in mind if you choose this, you MUST follow through with it. EVERYTIME she contacts you or shows up where you are, you must contact to police, don't waiver.

She's clinging to you because she has nothing else going on in her life. she's not going to school or seeking to move up in life so she attaches herself to you so that you can do the hard work that she won't do for you. Best to let this one go and move on.

move to honduras!

She sounds nuts. Either that or you're a male model.

You're 4 hours away, something tells me that she won't be able to come up and harrass you even if she wants to. If I were you, I'd let her go, and be a free man. I don't think she cares for you deeply as much as she expects you to fill some void in her life. You'd be doing her a favor by letting her figure things out for herself.

I think you're gunna have to break up again, but this time, find either another girl or something else to get your mind off her. It seems you've been trying hard to push away, but you keep getting back together every time. Do you end up missing her after a while of being broken up?

Break it off, again, but this time work on finding a way to fill the emotional void she leaves before you regress.