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hartzofspace
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10 Oct 2009, 3:37 pm

I've been talking to this guy that I'm interested in, and we seem to hit it off really well. The subject of dating came up, and he admitted that he still gets crushes on girls a lot younger than him. Being older, I felt a little confused and wondered why he hangs out with me. He is older, too, in fact older than me. We are both Aspies. I don't know why he said that to me. Should I stop hoping he'll end up liking me? I don't know what to do. I really hoped we would start dating, and then he says something like that.


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Tim_Tex
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10 Oct 2009, 3:54 pm

hartzofspace wrote:
I've been talking to this guy that I'm interested in, and we seem to hit it off really well. The subject of dating came up, and he admitted that he still gets crushes on girls a lot younger than him. Being older, I felt a little confused and wondered why he hangs out with me. He is older, too, in fact older than me. We are both Aspies. I don't know why he said that to me. Should I stop hoping he'll end up liking me? I don't know what to do. I really hoped we would start dating, and then he says something like that.


Perhaps he is the type who gets crushes on said younger people, but doesn't act out on them. Maybe it's similar to when people have crushes on celebrities.

It may not be anything you would have to worry about.


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Tahitiii
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10 Oct 2009, 4:48 pm

Maybe he was thinking out loud. Like he had one image of himself and is in the process of changing it?
I guess that I would stay open, but don't get your hopes up.



hartzofspace
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10 Oct 2009, 5:56 pm

Well, the thing that bothered me, was that he mentioned a specific person at his workplace that he was attracted to. I understand that most Aspies have uneven maturity levels, but this frustrates me. I remember feeling offended if men that were old enough to be my father, hit on me, when I was very young.


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CanadianRose
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10 Oct 2009, 7:15 pm

Hartzofspace, I never thought I'd be quoting this bit of popular self help pap, but, I think that he is "just not that into you."

You said that you keep "hoping" that he'll like you. Babe, take it from me .... if I guy is interested - he'll ask you out. If he is not interested in you in a romantic way - he will not ask you out.

Some NT"s will mention that they find other women attractive (especially ones that are quite different from you) to give you a hint that they are not interested in you. I had one guy go on a bit about how he finds asian women very attractive because they are so petit and delicate. I am a larger, curvy, white woman (I am not unattractive - I am just not the "type" that this fellow described). Hint Hint ... he is not interested, he is interested in my intelligent conversation, my sense of humour, all the other wonderful things that make me such a gosh darn fine human being ... but he is not interested in romantic involvement. He is just "not that into" me.

No worries - you're probably a lot like me. You are wonderful, attractive and intelligent. As for your Aspie friend who likes his ladies on the young side - continue to enjoy his friendship, but do away with any notion that he will suddenly take a romantic liking to you. That only happens in the movies (that bad ones). Incidentally, it happened in the movie "He's just not that into you" and I do not recommend this movie adaptation (it was lousy in other ways too :lol: ) The book though is kind of interesting, in a fluffy sort of way.