I've been single for the last six years.....

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I really don't fit into the local gay community at all. Well, there really is no RL community that I seem to fit in well at all (although I do seem to thrive in a couple of online communities - perhaps because people don't have to see me face-to-face).....

I have tasted love earlier in this life, though. And the thought of spending the rest of my life never finding the right guy is a frustrating one. Some people tell me online that I have the kindness and capacity for love that it takes to make a decent man happy - but then again, most of these people never actually met me face-to-face. I am a decent person, but my social awkwardness does tend to get in the way. I misread cues and take too many things literally and personally. Heh.

I really don't care much for the gay bar scene, as therein lies too many drugs and it's too much of a meat market for my tastes. I prefer romance. If I find the right guy, I would love to cook him gourmet meals and eat them with him under candlelight, go on long walks in whatever beautiful nature surrounding there is, going to town and sharing all the sights together, going to the movies and cuddling in front of the screen, hearing him talk about himself and really feeling a connection every time we converse about anything..... I have done all of these things for one man I know in the past, and let's face it. I know it all sounds very cliche, but I loved it, and I want to find it again. I was compatible with one man in the past, he most certainly can't be the only one out there. Too bad we had to break up (he came from an uber conservative family, and he did not want them to know he was gay - we're still friends, but we're no longer nearly as close as we once were).

I am not completely hopeless about ever finding love again. But I have been feeling quite lonely ever since that breakup. I am not getting any younger, either. I am already 30. I suppose that something like this requires all of the right circumstances coming together at one time for anybody, Asperger's or not. I do know that I probably need to find different circles to hang in than the local gay community (I volunteer at a gay resource center, but I feel as if I am worlds apart from everybody else there). Heh.

I wonder if anybody here has any input to what I am putting out here.

Well, yeah. You're definitely not alone. Except for the fact that you seem to thrive on some communities, your age and sexual orientation, I do feel very much like you. I have been single for four years.

I think that the places where we hang out often reflects the places where we'll end up. I do not hang anywhere, and I haven't done so in quite a while, and it's essential to find new places in order to find new people - unless you're in for a treat. What do you like to do? Perhaps you could hang out at a museum or cultural event. You may have a higher chance of running into pretty decent and and interesting people.

I know what you mean, I just turned 31 about a week ago, and am still trying to find that special guy. I'm sorry that your ex was closeted to his family; I can imagine that must've presented quite a few hurdles. Heh, I suck at cooking but I try to work on it, little by little. Burnt roast beef, anyone?

Yeah, I'm trying my best not to have a negative attitude about this situation. That would be the easy thing to do, and we all know that would get nobody anywhere in situations like this.

I have built myself up quite well over the last five years. Not only do I have Asperger's, I also have schizophrenia, and the symptoms of that first started popping up about five and a half years ago. If I can become a fully functional adult, with his own roof over his head, after something like that, then I suppose really anything good can be possible if I make the effort. Heh.

That philosophy still doesn't help me much with my social awkwardness, but hey, we all gotta start somewhere.

It's easy to have a negative attitude, but even though we know it doesn't do anything to overcome situations like this, it happens anyway! Those times I'd want to give a big hug, at the very least to get rid of the feeling of loneliness.

At least you're self-supporting and more-or-less independent. That's already no trivial matter, regardless of the AS and schizophrenia status, so you can take pride in that if you want. I worked hard for my independence, and it's not easy by any means. As for everything else, like the social awkwardness: the way I see it, if we were all born perfect, we'd have nothing to laugh at ourselves with. In a way, I kinda like my social awkwardness, as I've gotten used to using it as a self-effacing icebreaker to initiate conversations with people. I think the awkwardness can be quite endearing, and makes us more human in the process.