How im dealing with lonliness

Post Reply New Topic

Hey everyone

I have been having my bouts of loneliness due to a lack of a mate and the fact that most of my friends are gonna get married soon, are married, having children, been with someone for along time etc. really don't help a lot and only add to my frustration that i am going though. i thought i would get over it but it only slightly subsided. i don't how much more i can take

As of late i have been reflecting on the times when i did have a girlfirend and such. i would remember the good times i would have to help sooth the loneliness that i have been getting as of late and then would hurt with the break up or how it turned out.

Here are the scenarios i remember

One time at work, a girl sent me a love note saying she liked me and wanted to go on a date with me but i was too stupid that i did not go on a date with her. i was 20 then and did not know any better.

I met one of my friends sisters and she had a very pure heart! a rare find! i was just beginning to like her when she suddenly died of a brain hemorrhage (i still mourn her)

I met up with an old friend form my junior college days, we went out on a date and something clicked! we sent out a bit for a month. but i think after being "to affectionate" to her she broke off with me. i did not mind the break up but its how she did it that really upset me and angry. she broke up with me via instant messenger. since then i haven't spoken to her since.

As i head into my late 20's, i fell as if i blew all my chances of finding a girl and now left to suffer with my emotions eating away at me and that i will always remain single.

As of now, my main focus is school and gaming. thay are all i have and what keep me from going.as for a social life, i have very little to none at the moment due to my demanding schedule. i am almost done my school.

How can i deal with this? how long to i have to hold on?

i wanna hear what you all gotta say. i shouldn't be suffering like this!

I have been having the feeling that I am getting too old to start a new relationship too, but what you have to remember is, people are getting divorced and widowed everyday. So, let that cheer you up!

I'm sorry that you're lonely. Try not to let it get you down because it's time for you to get back out there. That's all your loneliness is telling you! Don't let it destroy you! Life is too short! YAOOOOOOOOOO!! ! (in the voice of Howard Dean)

Sorry for all of the jokes.....I don't allow myself to dwell on the bad anymore, so I guess I discourage it in others. I hope you feel better!

Last edited by FaithHopeCheese on 21 Oct 2009, 9:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

just try to get used to the idea of never having a relationship. think of all the good sides - more money for you, you keep your freedom, no need to compromise etc. focus on your interests.

This happened to me for the same reason and in about the same time frame. Just replace 'instant messenger' with 'text'. Interesting coincidence no?

I'm much younger than you so I can't provide any insight into your situation. I feel a bit like a middle aged man on the inside though and I ache deeply from loneliness and a sense that my time of opportunity will soon pass me by. I just try to distract myself with my undergrad studies, weightlifting, and piano.

i read this and am still in slack-jawed mind-numbing shock that no one else seems to have noticed it and have only expressed sympathy for all the other things

that is one of the most tragic things i've ever heard

you NEED a change in luck more than most i know. go find someone to love & be loved by, have patience, go forth and conquer .

That was me. School got boring so it turned more towards a mix of school/work, with many hours of gaming.



Is it better to have loved & lost, or to never have loved at all? If you live long enough, you will not be single.



You hold on as long as you can hold on. You're going to die, no doubt about it. Either by your hand (which includes neglect) or through external causes. The human spirit is pretty strong, people suffer major issues including starvation, the elimination of entire families, the tearing apart of familes due to divorce, etc.

Being lonely is pretty minor



You have all your limbs, your in school and have enough resources to play games. You could always join the Army or Nat'l Guard

Basically, give it time. Broaden your horizons (cut out the gaming, get a job in the public eye). Reflect that you're alive and have years to screw up your future.

Given from these responses, it sure puts things into perceptive.

I just needed to vent. where i am, there is very few people with AS that i know that i can talk about such things and this forum is my only outlet.

I gotta see things from this perspective...

I should be happy that i am single and i should ignore these bouts of loneliness. they will flair up again but i gotta silence them with this notion. Given that relationships fail due to divorce or breakups and the like, i got it great compared to my friends and everyone else who have to deal all the things related to relationships for good and for ill. i think i may consider becoming a bachelor. i have gotten used to independence on my own and dispite my lonliness, i do love it but i do want to settle down and start a family of my own.

Another thing, given my record of failed relationships, i fell as if my love for anyone is been smashed to a million pieces and that i may never love again . i have been feeling like this for years.

Whenever i wire up a circuit board or i am knee deep in come c++ code or anything that makes me comfortable, that's when i fell at my best and alive.

its gonna get tough with this and my mid-terms happening at the moment but like always il have the drive to see it through

i (somewhat) wish i understood how it feels to be lonely so i could understand how people are so distressed by it.
i have no one except my girlfriend who visits me once per week (i can only tolerate one interruption to my solitude per week).

so i have no friends or anyone who is interested in whether i am happy or sad. my girlfriend is of mediocre intelligence and she can not understand me when i talk seriously.

so i am almost always by myself, and that is the way i prefer it.
i do not feel as if i crave company (lonely). i am quite content with my own company because i like myself, and i am happy with how i think. i know that sounds conceited, but i am not thinking i am better than anyone. i just am very happy that i agree with every notion i have, and i like to think to myself because i always agree with what i think.

even if i understand what someone else is trying to say, i usually do not identify, and even though they may be describing exactly how i feel, i still do not connect with them for some reason and i think they are not exactly thinking the way i do.

i never search for anyone who thinks like me, and even if i found someone who thought exactly like me, i would not notice, and neither would they.

i am glad i can breathe and am healthy and that is good enough for me.

^ That's what I meant to say......

I'm glad I have no problem being alone, it makes me happy, not sad, even if it means 10+ hours for months

I feel for the OP. 2 of my friends from college got married a couple of years ago, my sister married last year and my brother earlier this year. All of the wedding flurry has just underscored the fact I am, and almost certainly will always be alone. Most of the time it doesn't get to me but once a month or so I just get a massive bout of depression and can't shake it for a day or so.

However at my age (mid-30s) I realize I'm not going to find anyone and since I can't stand being around most people it may be just as well. The OP at least has memories of past relationships. I haven't even had a first kiss. Like I tell most people: You could be worse off, be grateful you aren't me.

You could be worse off as well. Never heard about a marriage with a feminist?

I suppose. Of course I neglected to mention on top of being an Aspie I also have a number of physical maladies stemming from being born premature. Scoliosis, degenerative hip condition, restricted air passage, massive scarring on my torso. I'm in pain about a 1/3 of the time. Like I said, be grateful you aren't me. Compared to that I would think that having even momentary bliss wouldn't be so bad.

I understand cyberfox007, I have been single two years now (I broke off my first and only so far relationship two years ago, it lasted 7 months), and I get lonely. It's hard, and I guess there's no real answer except to be strong and wait and hope. Once you get tired of that, you need to learn to adjust to the single life and find joy in it. It's a survival mechanism. That's my plan for the future - if I still haven't found someone by the time I'm 40 then I have my back-up plan of a flat and cats.

The thing is, there's no point being with someone just because you don't want to be alone. It has to be the "right" someone.

Sunshower, I can relate very well to your situation. My last relationship ended three years ago (it lasted 3 years). I have been on a few casual dates, and was in a brief friend-with-benefit situation (and lost my virginity in that situation).

But I know what kind of person I want. The problem is that she may not exist. But if she does, I have been working on being a suitable mate for her.

Wow, Tim, when did that end?