so there's this guy

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There's this guy I used to work with, not anymore, but we're still in the same building so I see him around, I have the most absurd crush on him. At first I thought he liked me, but I didn't like him. At first I had these love/hate feelings for him. He seemed like such an annoying know-it-all dweeb, but I found him intriguing too. I thought he had a crush on me because it seemed like he'd stare at me when I'd pretend to not be paying attention. One time we were talking he said and asked some stuff which implied he had been googling my name. I thought he was really ugly when I met him, he just has one of those faces... odd, maybe "exotic". Now when I see him I just feel like he's so cute, even beautiful, in his own way.

So every once in a while I'd try to strike up conversation with him but usually it would be kind of awkward and he doesn't have much to say. Sometimes he acts normal but often he seems extremely awkward, with his gestures, eyes darting, and his voice falters in mid-sentence, etc.

Over time I've gotten very discouraged because he would never initiate a conversation with me, besides saying "hi" if he happens to see me. One time I almost asked him out, I asked him if he had plans for the weekend but then he said he was hiking all weekend.

Ordinarily I'd deem it as a "he's just not that into you" situation, but he's clearly an aspie. It would not be a stretch to assume that he's never had a gf before, and he's almost thirty years old or so. He has that flaming nerdliness such that, I remember the moment I met him, my first thought was, "I can tell you got beat up a lot in high school...", and later he alluded to such. And the way he acts seems kind of paranoid often times, he gets defensive easily, as if he is accustomed to being abused and picked on. I think a guy in his situation probably feels unlovable, and lacks confidence particularly with women.

One night I did something very insane. It was a Saturday night, and I was at home alone, and I kept thinking about him. Something got into me, because I thought it was a good idea to drop by his house unannounced. I looked up his address on the internet and drove up to his house. By the time I was there it was after 1:00 am. I didn't know what I would do, I just had to go. After standing around his yard indecisively for a while I decided to ring the doorbell, seeing that a light was on, and he seemed like the type of person who stays up late. Soon a couple more lights came on and I saw him look out through the window next to the front door for a split second. After a while I rang the doorbell again. I stood there waiting for what must have been over an hour, but he never answered the door. That was a few months ago and to this day I'm not sure if he saw me or not. I mean, I was right next to the window, so how could he not see me? But on the other hand it was dark and he only looked for a split second.

Anyway, so these days things are the same. At first I kind of avoided him since I figure he would be weirded out if he saw me at his house. He still says "hi" to me if I see him, actually these days he seems rather "aggressive" about it. The other day I was just walking down the hallway about to leave for the night and he saw me from a perpendicular hallway and he calls out my name, it seemed like he wanted to say something to me, so I turned around, but then he just said "have a good evening..."

So I have no idea what goes through that head of his. He's the man of my dreams, he's so smart and sensitive and interesting and adorable, he seems like someone I can relate to, which I consider rare, all he has to do is... anything.... and I'd be all his.

You really should've thought things through before going to his house, but that's pretty obvious. Probably just increase his paranoia.

As far as approaching an aspie romantically... I don't really know. If it were me, the best situation I can can think of is to start by being a friend. But if a girl showed up at my hours after midnight, I'd start setting up barricades.

aww, that is such a sweet story .

wishing you good luck. and thinking your chances are still good if he's making even more of a point to say hi now. adding a good evening sounds like initiative. maybe he just didn't come out at one in the morning not because it may have seemed creepy, but because, really if he liked you bac and someone you liked randomly showed up at your doorstep at 1AM, aspie nervousness and the whole shutdown thing might occurr. he might've just gone back to bed for lack of any other plausible reaction. just another way to think about it.

I guess what it comes down to, my question is, could he be so unconfident or nervous he would not take the initiative with someone who he knows for sure likes him? (Or maybe he doesn't know for sure, for all I know.)

Are you sure that during that stint that you didn't like him that you didn't give off a vibe or body language indicating that in fact you were not interested in him?

Some guys literally have to be told that someone has a crush on them. Conflicting signals can throw him off so much that what he might've assumed was a sign of you liking him was infact him just being optimistic.

Yes, people who get bullied are paranoid and even if its a big assumption he's never been on a date, all that means is that he'd definitely wouldn't consider the fact you'd come over his house because you like him. Low self esteem can do that.

That being said, it took guts to come over his house in the first place, so if you're brave enough to do that go ahead and ask him out for coffee or something. You don't even have to tell him you like him.

Yes, guys normally take initiative when it comes to asking someone out but if you REALLY like this guy, you shouldn't wait. Because while it might hurt if he doesn't return your feelings, it'd hurt worse to stay and wonder for the rest of your life if you missed a chance to be with him.

"Hi. Can we be friends?" Might be a good ice-breaker.

I think you should definitely just go talk to him and like someone mentioned ask him to go out for coffee or something. Because I think most people would be scared if someone that they barely talked to and never gave their address to showed up at their door at 1am but an Aspie would probably be 10 times as scared. And if he does like you maybe he regrets not answering the door but it was just too much to handle when that happened.

For example there was this girl in my class once seemed very nice but when she came to talk to me she just sat besides me and started kicking my foot for 5 minutes I didn't say anything not even looked at her because that was just such an uncomfortable situation for me at the time. I realized after that I should have talked to her. But I can't think of a worst way to engage a conversation with me than my touching me repeatedly ... If the girl of my dreams knocked on my door I would probably be too scared to answer.

Also if you ask him out say something like : "I have tickets to this movie Friday I was wondering if you would want to come. Let me know later" So that he doesn't have to answer right away (If he is like me and he sounds like it he would be to stressed in the moment and make up an excuse and then a few hours later regret it)

Good luck

Re: "aggressiveness", I think men like to feel wanted.

Re-reading what I wrote and your responses is rather encouraging, but still, something is broken. The situation has been stagnant for so many months, since early this year. Nothing ever happens.

We're a sad imaginary couple, whenever I think about saying anything to him I forget how to form complete sentences, and it takes me half an hour to work up the nerve. Today I just don't have it in me to take any more initiative, I just feel like waiting for him to man-up. But knowing myself I'll probably act on another irrational whim next week.

send him an email saying you want him to ask you out to get coffee ?.

you can count on it hes going to do it, take away his doubt and you could be suprised how much initiative he might take.