What love really is in most relationships

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Love is the term that means

I give you want you want and I love you because of it.

I give you flowers, I love you, if I don't give you flowers, I don't love you. Therefore, love is measured qualitatively and quantitiatively by the amount of materials and services(including sex) that the partner provides.

There is really very little "love". It's all imitation love as fake as as a fake diamond. Most relationships are bound to failure as evidenced by the high rate of divorces.

I came to the conclusion, that marriage is for the most part, between most people, an utterly bad idea because you waste time, money, and emotions. Most people's honeymoon and wedding debts are not paid of when they are divorced.

Not even close.

First things first: With that attitude life's really not very fun anymore.

Love does exist, but most people are hopeless romantics.
Western society looks for the perfect specimen to invest in.
This is possible because people have from teenage to, say, 30, to date and snuggle with near anyone they fancy.

True devotion isn't usually given until people get old and "settle"

THIS IS THE WRONG WAY AND MOST NT'S ESPECIALLY IN AMERICA DON'T KNOW BETTER.

Loud.

There's another way. There's people you like, and there's people who, after meeting them, feel like you've spent a lifetime together. When you get THAT feeling, you're gonna. Not all of it's gonna be very fun, heck, most people get rather annoyed after a few years, but it's still the person who, beside possible offspring, is MOST important to you. That's not words, or external, like the bad example. True love's internally motivated, by relaxed devotion. Not lust, not puppy love, and not reproductive urges or annoyance.


..Fin.
Paw.

End!

Materialism and sex certainly are key parts of many relationships. That doesn't mean materialism or sex are the same as love in any case.
You could argue they are taken instead of love, that people settle for that in a relationship.


By the way, I like your idea livingoutsidethebox

I don't even know.

This should clear things up a bit.

I've heard the opposite from people (you give me what I want and I "love" you), but never that particular version. Neither version is actually love, but whatever floats the boat.

The reason there's a higher rate of divorces is for a few reasons. 1, it's more accepted to get a divorce these days. Before, getting married really was for life; you could get divorced, but you'd be looked down on for it. 2, people rush into marriage more. There's no courting stage for some couples; they meet and marry within a year, before that honeymoon phase wears off, and when it does, they realize they never really loved each other to begin with. And 3, more people don't feel like they have to work for a relationship anymore. It's not absolutely perfect? Leave.

What you describe is not love; it is using another person, manipulation... which people on the spectrum are often susceptible to - though not to the exclusion of those who are neurotypical. In the absence of love, some people make decisions based on other motives. Sad, but true, it seems.


M.

actually the high rate of divorces could very well have something more to do with a rise in the birth of cynics like you.

you describe the cheapest crude sort of "selfish love" which for all intents and purposes is utterly false. a product so self-denial, delusion, and weak people clinging to supposed "relationship-type attention" like a liferaft.

if you think that's love, then you have not the slightest clue what it means. love is not a state of being or noun. it is a verb, an action, continuous.
the the closest you'll ever come to knowing what it means is when you find someone you connect with so deeply that you fear that you'll find no other like them. but fear is selfish.
and when you can learn that to love someone in a pure sense "pure love", you've got to do some soul-searching and discover what really makes you happy, and if it's that person, then you're onto something. then if you can come to terms with the selfish aspect of yourself, admit to it, and overcome it, and willfully and mindfully cast out that one such element from your feelings for that person then you might come to realize that that person's own happiness can make you happier than anything else for reasons you don't understand, and find yourself willing to do anything in your power to maintain that, even if it ultimately means letting them go. even if the feelings are then unreturned. to be so unselfish as to not pursue despite personal emotional pain, if you can admit to yourself the truth that it might be best for them, and that it is their choice.

that is where the saying, "if you love it, set it free (because if it loves you too it will return willingly)" that small saying alone has some of the deepest & important life implicationsi've ever come across.

and if you can accept even that, and still love someone all the same even though they may hurt you,it is then that such love trancends to "unconditional love", because un no condition is it likely to cease. the kind of thing that will survive even the eternal ravages hell's tortures and reinforce your heart with warmth on the coldest lonely desolate night when nothing else seems right and you feel yourself falling to pieces.

but to allow yourself such love in the first place, you have to make yourself vulnerable so that it may have a chance to grow.
whether you're a cynic because of bad experiences, having never reached such a point, but having achieved many painful early failures in the process.
or whether because you've erected protected walls around yourself and just have yet to find yourself willing to risk your sense of safety for the chance of something more, i have no clue.
it is also something that takes some extent of maturity to comprehend in such a way and integrate. maybe there lies your problem.

Investment.

Wow you must get rejected alot, your total clueless on what love is, and explaining it would be a waste of time, must be so lonely for you with that attitude

#3 on the divorce rate reasons really struck a chord with me. I have probably mentioned the friend I had before, but she leaves a relationship the instant that things aren't going 100% her way all the time.

Here is what she expects in a relationship:

1. She expects to never have to give emotional support.
2. She expects the guy to communicate frequently, while she will take a whole month to reply to an e-mail, but will go on MySpace/Facebook every day.
3. When a guy has to travel for work, or is in the military, she will leave him--and doesn't trust herself not to cheat.
4. She wants a guy to tell her what's going on in his mind, but she will be secretive as all get out.
5. She uses cryptic terminology, and expects one to immediately know what she's talking about.
6. She claims that face-to-face communication is the only way she can "know what someone is feeling", when that isn't necessarily true.
7. She claims that if you try to improve yourself, her judgment will be "misguided".

And if you tell her that her rules make no sense, or that she's unrealistic, or do anything other than kiss her a**, she will accuse you of trying to manipulate or guilt-trip her.

Love in a marriage or relationship is mutual acceptance and support which includes respect and sharing.
Love is not manipulation, exploitation,or just sex.

And what if you point out that she is manipulative and selfish herself?

Here's a savory bit of advice - if you keep picking winners, get your finger out of your nose .

My understanding is that you need to stop going for that kind of woman and, if you didn't know what their body language and mannerisms look like before you have to know by now.

She would get offended. She has no problem pointing other people's flaws, but will get all upset and offended if someone does the same to her.