Sigh. Maybe its me.

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I won't make a long post about how I am a lonely 18 year old Aspergian male with social issues and trouble finding someone to have a relationship with. All that is pretty much a given. For me at least.

I am a nice guy, funny, smart, not horrid looking, I take Martial Arts, I know computer stuff, I can carry a conversation, I am not sex obsessed...

Yet it seems I am destined for nothing in the relationship department. I do not treat girls/women as objects, I am NOT a jerk, a fake, or a poser. I care about people I like, probably way to much.

I don't drink nor smoke, I don't do drugs, etc. But I also don't judge people, at least not without giving them a fair chance. Just because I don't drink or anything does not mean I think I am better or stuff.

I have been called a stalker, loser, creep, and much worse. I am non of those things. Maybe I am a little socially inept, but at least I *try*.

I don't have crazy standards. I am not looking for a super model or w/e. Brains and being a good person are very important to me, not just looks. Of course I would be lying if I said looks don't 100% matter, but its not the key deciding factor for me.

I would never cheat on or lie to anyone. I am a very honest, if perhaps blunt, person.

But, maybe it is me. I don't know at this point. It also does not help that I am attracted to girls who happen to have "issues". Its not like I look for that, but that seems to be what I find.

Anyways, I just thought I would post this and see what people thought.

You sound like a typical Aspie male. Whether or not your self-assessment is accurate I can't say, but I can comment on your age.

You're simply too young to give up, draw conclusions about your entire future, or figure out your destiny in the world of relationships.

Many Aspie males here didn't have their first date until well past 20. I was over 20 when I first had a date, and have had only a handful of relationships in the ensuing 20 years. Others here report having little success in high school or university, then doing better as they were able to catch up with their age-equivalent peers, or find someone who was willing and able to accept them as Aspies (always important).

As for your being attracted to girls who have "issues", I'm not sure what you mean. The word "issues" is too vague. Several books on AS (by Tony Atwood for instance) note that Aspie men often find themselves in relationships with women who have mental health problems, though the Aspie men are not necessarily attracted to such women. A friend pointed out to me that it's also possible that all women have "issues", so no help there.

Most people who use these terms excessively are not worth bothering with. And that's 95% (or lets just go with "most") of people. It's sad but I believe it's true. Most people out there are jerks and that means just it: their opinions are garbage. Why do you care about the opinions of people who are, themselves, jerks?
That's just my opinion, of course, but every time I feel bad from someone telling me something, I ask myself: why does their opinion matter? Did they ever help me? Are they a good person themselves? If they are, why do they bother to call someone a bad name or do bad to them?

You're a great guy, you know that, and you are you, that's all you need. There are no tricks to anything, and people around you will only lead you astray.
I don't care what people say. I read books. That's where my philosophy comes from. Not "People" who listen to what TV tells them.
And this is not a reference to NT's. Just people in general.
What's wrong with issues? Everyone has issues, man. EVERYONE. They don't need to be aspies to have issues or have anything written into the DSM/criminal record. I haven't yet met a person who has no issues. Except those who hide them. And I'd take an aspie over a "normal" person that don't know anything about computers any day. Normal people are boring anyway.
I have issues, so you would never want to have anything to do with me, for instance; well, maybe that's your problem, you want someone perfect and those don't exist?

I see a lot of people here are like "I don't have a date". Why is that a bad thing? Why should you? Good people don't grow on trees, and the amount of people that are worth it is very small. At least people don't come up to you for stupid reasons and engage into pointless, fruitless relationships. How many those many-date people actually get anywhere and have their relationships last longer than a few months?

It's not about having a date. It's about finding the right person. And that's a long search. If you found that person at age of 18, I'd say you're crazily lucky.

Hope that helps, I'm not very good at this.

My thoughts:
1. Good things come to those who wait.
2. Treat a girl as a friend and not as a potential partner.
3. Go out, meet as many people as you can and have fun.

As an aspie, you are bound to have issues yourself. Guess what: everyone has issues. Unfortunately, many people find themselves in an unsupported position. You are in a position still where much baggage can be created. Being called a stalker and creep doesn't help.

Take some small risks. And when the risks don't pan out, you have a whole Wrong Planet to support you.

Why were you called a 'stalker' and 'creep'?

Your situation seems to be a typical paradox we all encounter ourselves in. Certainly, if we look at the written, explicit standards for "relationship material", it'd seem you fit somewhere in the box, but the paradox is experience says you don't. My more neurotypical acquaintances and friends would simply say that girls are not looking for what they say they are looking for. I can't comment from any first-hand experience there, but it may be worth a ponder.

As the previous poster said, why were you considered a stalker? Sometimes when we "try" to be social - as much as it seems normal to our perceptions - it doesn't come off the way that our more normal peers would pull it off. Awareness is going to be the first step here. There are an insane amount of, er, idiosyncracies that I would not have known about unless people pointed them out to me.

Just saw this and had to comment: This looks like good advice. A quick, qualitative poll of my friends (the majority of which, it seems, are in relationships) shows that most of them are in relationships with people they were friends with first. With the people I know that are married, they married people who were their friends for years before they went on a single date. the end goal, though, I think, should not be a relationship, but a better understanding of people in general.

Here's another example for you, Mrs. Janissy.

Always remember that you are dealing with hormonally-driven insanity at this point in your life. I didn't start dating until my late 20s, as it takes about that long for peoples' brains to catch up with their bodies, mine included. Not saying it was easy. There's nothing wrong with you or the people around you, but do not expect any interactions to make sense right now.

I think I see part of the problem. You try not to be some type of creepy stalker. The problem is that because you have Asperger's, you don't know how to. I have that same problem. Find someone to talk to about how relationships work. Tell them how you interact with a girl. That person will be able to teach you what to do and what not to do.

kingtut3 probably has the right idea.

If women are repeatedly telling you that your behavior is creepy or stalkerish, you need to modify your behavior. They're not saying these things to be mean; they're saying you behave similarly to men who have posed a danger to them or others.

You're 18. Ignore what women say as you're obviously not coming over right. Well, you're probably not going to come over right for a decade (too poor, too creepy, too intense, too emotionally distant, too blah blah).

Okay, now accept that the person you are now is not going to be the same person you'll be in 10 years. You're going to be smarter, wiser, more experienced and more lonely.

So use this time to practice things which will boost your confidence. Yes, you've got skills, women love guys with skills. But only in a decade or so. Right now women you're age are after guys who ... aren't you. Basically, they're not sure what they're after and will get married, have kids (making you jealous and more lonely) and 50/50 get divorced.

Don't get tied into a relationship, especially a bad one because you're going to be different as are the person you may date.