NT wanting to "seal the deal" with Aspie girl

Post Reply New Topic

Well 'ello 'ello yall.

Let me tell you sentence or two about myself before I pose my question:
I'm a 20-something NT guy who has an interesting gift: for some reason, Aspies gravitate toward me very easily! I have 3 aspie friends and currently am helping an aspie in one of my classes. I'm not quite sure why, but people with AS and HFA love me and I've learned to love helping them.

And amazingly enough, I recently met and really hit it off with a woman my age who has AS and I must say I'm captivated by her. She and I have a lot of common interests, and she has told me she finds it wonderful that I'm able to sit through her rants/monologues, my ability to respect her needs and what she's comfortable with, and am patient with her when she's having trouble understanding something.

However, I'm ready to take the next step, but I'm not sure how to go about it with someone like her. I mean, being friends with a person with AS is one thing, establishing intimacy is another.

Usually, when I'm getting with someone, I almost never put them "on-the-spot" and directly declare my feelings to them. I just... let it happen, let it flow. I also depend very much on non-verbal cues, intense eye-contact, and witty/sarcastic banter when flirting. While I think she understands this, and we've had 2 great nights out... I want to "seal the deal", but I'm wondering: how do I go about this in a way that she will understand, but not put her on the spot? Should I be direct with her in stating my intentions, like I often must do with my other aspie friends?

I think I'm close, but I'm just wondering what I should do to finally get things seriously rolling with a person that doesn't seem to respond to my usual methods. Thoughts?

Of course, each person varies. But my advice to you would be not to expect an aspie to put out after 2 dates.

In general we tend to be a less superficial bunch and also tend to not like to touch people except those whom we are very close to.

What dates? I put out after a casual introduction.


People are all different, no one here can predict the behavior of someone we've never met.

I can say coming on too strong is almost always a bad idea. It feels like pressure.

But when a 'first kiss' moment is right, its right. You're not a newbie, you'll know.

As far as sex goes, there are many and varying attitudes on the board even today. There's certainly not one single 'Aspie point-of-view' where that's concerned. Again, individuals vary, you won't find a crystal ball look into the Autistic mind here nor anywhere.

My advice would be to do the same thing I do with NT women, find a way to admit your feelings without coming off too strong. "How would you feel about us dating?" is a pretty cut and dry way to suggest a relationship, if you ask me.

It's guys like this that make me feel guilty for wanting to make love with a woman and why I don't assume, and always make sure the girl is 100% interested before making the relationship physical. No offense mate, but you sound like a creeper.

Holy s**t jimybhoy, he's not gonna try and rape her. Why the hell would he come on here and ask our advice if he had already made up his mind to do that?

what does "SEAL THE DEAL" sound like to you....people with aspergers would probably be naive enough to think this guy genuinely likes her when he has clearly stated he just wants in her pants ! !! you do the maths for f**k sake....the guys a creep

To me seal the deal sounds like the m word, "marriage".

Settle down, tigers.

To me, it sounds like he wants it to officially be a romantic relationship, not just a friendship or an assumed attraction. That's a perfectly reasonable desire. As another mentioned, he wouldn't be asking for advice if he just wanted to have sex with her.

I think people need to lift their minds out of the gutter for a bit. I admit that I thought the same thing when I first read the title - that seal the deal meant sex - but reading through the post (instead of knee jerking), it doesn't appear to be that way at all. And since he's confirmed that's not what he meant, it's time to stand down.

OP: Do you think she's high enough functioning to realize that you're flirting? Is her self-confidence high enough that she'd initate contact if she liked you but didn't realize you were interested? If the answer is no, especially to both, you might want to consider just telling her that you like her as more than a friend. I would never have been in a relationship if I hadn't been outright told, but it will vary from person to person.

Sorry. 'Seal the deal', 'establishing intimacy' and 'take it to the next level' sounds like sex to me. I apologise to the OP if that was not his intention.

Then I guess my advice to you then would be to make your intentions crystal clear because misconceptions are easy to come by especially when aspies are involved
When you think you're being clear, be clearer.

"Seal the deal" sets off my "oh great, another guy with dudebro issues" alert. I'd suggest getting yourself a more mature relationship vocabulary before trying to communicate with your Aspie beloved.

Good luck with this. I pretty much agree with don't come on too strong but at the same time try to make it fairly clear. I'm an aspie girl with an NT boyfriend. We basically got together after spending silly amounts of time hanging out together to the point where even I was starting to wonder if he might be interested. He kissed me which pretty much settled it, but even then I really wasn't certain exactly what the situation was (i.e. whether he just felt like kissing or whether it was a bit more serious) until we discussed it 2 days later.