Cerebral's guide on: How to write Dating Profiles

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This has actually been an obsession of mine. I've written over a hundred profiles, and done countless hours of research on the subject of dating. Now, I might have some advice for the rest of you, if you want to hear it.

Profile Text

'Put your best foot forward' sounds like an excuse to be dishonest, but it has a point. People have come to expect the 'hidden agenda', skeletons they won't know about until later. It's common enough that people who put everything upfront come across as confusing and annoying. You have to put your best foot forward if you want success.

Precision is also important. You're going to have to strike a balance between content and how much the other person has to read. Policy is again, 'put your best foot forward'. Avoid writing so much that even the English majors have trouble following.

Socially acceptable terminology cannot be stressed enough. It's good to communicate your special interests, however, keep in mind whether they'll actually want to listen. Sometimes, instead of saying you're obsessed with a specific class of protein structures, you could simply say you enjoy organic chemistry. Now you're not turning off the attractive physicist who just read your profile.

Show caution in labeling your talents. 'I take pride in my ability to' sounds a lot better than 'I don't see why others can't'. It also expresses more confidence than saying 'I can' or 'I enjoy', without coming off as an arrogant asshat.

Photo Op

Smiling, or at least the subtle smile, is important. If it's unnatural to smile while having your picture taken, try having someone take your picture while engaged in a special interest, or something you generally enjoy.

Colors: Women, wear red. It has a hormonal effect on men which will make you appear more attractive. It's a great way to increase your chances.

Clothing: Make sure that whatever you're wearing looks decent, but not forced. Pictures should appear natural, not like you had an amateur trying to pull off professional photography. Just look nice, and be engaged in something you enjoy.

Posture: Watch your gait and posture, as this is my single biggest problem. Find someone to give you advice, but make sure that advice meshes with your overall character. (Some people will simply try to mold you into something else.)

Messages

Y/N Questions: Avoid them at all cost. When going over what you're sending, always ask yourself whether the questions can be answered with a Y/N reply. People like to talk, so they need something to work with.

Content: Similar to socially acceptable terminology, make sure it's something they would actually want to read. It's a bit like contacting the physicist with a long message on protein structures. Just don't do it.

All good points... the only one I would take issue with is the "put your best foot forward" one. To me at least (although I'm assuming a good deal of aspies are with me on this one), advertising only your favorable qualities is false advertising... it's unnatural and paints a rosy picture of yourself in the minds of the readers that will come crashing down shortly into any relationship you may be able to start... and people are wondering why most relationships don't make it past the first date...

Unfortunately, my experience has been that people expect the opposite. As long as you're not deliberately hiding it, and just didn't spill out every life problem in your dating profile, no NT woman will take complaint.

It's messed up, strange, inefficient, but that's how the NT world operates, and most importantly, what it expects. If you don't give NTs what they expect, they're rather quick to get annoyed and hit 'block'.

But then, continuing this thought experiment, what's going to happen when the NT woman in question does find out about all my personality flaws? Wouldn't that be grounds for just immediately leaving me?

Men have gotten away with lying about children, debt, criminal histories, and how much money they make. As long as you're not deliberately trying to hide it, and make a point of gradually bringing it up, then there shouldn't be an issue. The key word is gradual.

It was difficult for me to understand as well, but it's what NTs expect, and the easiest way to avoid unnecessary rejection. (Remember, they're not logical saints like we are. )

One can also indicate some less than favorable personality traits as well, but as long as you indicate that you are actively working to resolve those traits, or you are able to somehow take advantage of those traits in a more favorable way (e.g. self-deprecating humor), then it looks more attractive because it would show that negative aspects don't keep you down. It's not lying. The point is to convey to the reader that you're in control of your own life, and that you are a reasonably balanced person. Those are two traits that are extremely attractive to most people, AS and NT.

If you introduce a lot of the negative issues too early, before you've had a chance to establish any semblance of trust between the two of you, then the other person often will get the impression that the emotional/mental baggage is a lot bigger than it really is, or is big compared to all the good stuff you have to offer in the relationship. Consequently this will scare the other person away.

If you introduce your negative issues gradually and you're able to spin those issues in a more positive light, and the other person (AS or NT man or woman, it doesn't matter) still runs away, then let the person run away and try not to take it too personally. After all, in such a case the other person's standards may very well be simply unrealistically high, and he or she probably has some unresolved issues of his or her own.