Not being shallow

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After spending a lot of time in this forum I've noticed that a lot of aspie males are very shallow. Maybe It's my ignorance, and males in general are all hung up about looks, but I just dont get it. Probabaly because I'm not a guy.

I am not a shallow person, and have fallen for people others don't consider good looking. But the thing is, their look does it for me. Maybe that's still being shallow? Or maybe their look does it for me because i'm so attracted to their personality?

I mean I have standards, and they are quite high, but being a "hot looking guy" isn't one of them. Would be good to see who here is/isn't hung up about looks just to see how normal it is in the aspie community.

Looks are nice but they are not everything. I've dated a couple of women that were by anyone's standards considered very physically attractive. One was in her early 20's and just way too young and immature for me. The other was 10 years older but there wasn't a whole lot in common and things just fizzled out. Currently I am dating someone that most people would probably not consider to be physically attractive but she looks just fine to me. Intellectually, emotionally and sexually she is way beyond anyone I have ever known. To me looks are a bonus but not in my top five criteria for a woman.

I think it's males in general. I am male and I don't think I'm that shallow... I tend to find about half the women I see attractive.

You forget, you don't have something to prove. Most men need to prove they're better, and one of the more obvious ways to do that is to date someone most guys can't get. Consciously or subconsciously, it's about 'getting one over' on everyone else.

The end result is that they're miserable. If destroying their own self-esteem wasn't enough, they've dealt low-blows to the self-esteem of dozens, if not hundreds of other people. I would go so far as to call it a mental disorder in its own right.

It's not just men who do this either. I've seen plenty of women who need a reality check.

The easiest way to find true, meaningful love, is to be attracted to its qualities. If simply being a good person makes someone more attractive, you're already halfway there.

I prefer a nice ass. Everything else, physically, is optional.

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Last edited by Tintinnabulation on 15 Nov 2009, 3:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

Why? Because most guys would rather hang out with their buddy, than hang out with a girl, if it wasn't for the sex. And since sex is a big driving factor, we try to get the best looking girl that we can, because that's who we're going to be banging for a loooong time.


How's that, for shallow?


P.S. It's no BS.

Actually I disagree. What you're talking about is just some random girl to bang, in a proper relationship the people actually enjoy spending time with one another.

No, we're talking about the same thing.

its certainly pointless people requesting attractive people in their 'wants' list as everyones idea of what is attractive is different. Even celebs famous for their good looks can be found unattractive by people.

And someones opinion of how attractive they are does not always go with how attractive the other finds them.

People are also very changeable and can find someone less attractive or more depending on how well they get along or if the person has a very beautiful personality or not.

Peoples looks also change over time so its not a good measure.

I personally think its pheramones and charisma/personality that make someone attractive rather than their physical features, I think how they make our body responds leads us to find they physical features appealing.

also when we love someone we find their physical quirks or faults sexy.

and someone finding us attractive leads us to find them attractive, studies have shown that we respond more to prolonged eye contact and dialated pupils.

I agree.

I have started liking men who I initially did not like AT ALL who showed interest in me.
Its a pain though when they lose interest I don't

hale_bopp, jawbrodt is trying to tell you something that is actually true about quite a few men. Far from all, probably a minority, but enough of them that they're not hard to find either.

Such men get married because they hope it means a more ready supply of sex. Everything else they view as meaningless stuff they try to avoid but put up with just enough to get to the sex.

Their wives don't generally keep them long.

First you have to establish what shallow means because I don't count pickiness as shallow. I think pickiness is so normal you can't pin it on one sex. It is something we do without thinking about it. There is nothing wrong with it.

For me shallowness implies superficiality, but quite a simplistic mindset too. Maybe the idea of someone being aroused by couple of balloons attached to a stick, for instance. My pickiness is sufficiently complex that I don't go for really obvious attributes in a woman.

Then again it is still difficult to say these people are totally superficial as they are quite honest about what they want. I would say uncomplicated is probably a better term.

Shallow is wanting what can only best be described as "fake beauty," say wanting a relationship/love life with some model as opposed to the "average" woman (average being someone who hasnt gone through plastic surgery or doesnt use make up). Granted, there are a lot of types that dont need the surgery or make up and still look like a model, but chances are they want "model" companions, not "average" ones (on the up side, people like that tend to have VERY shot relationships). In the end, most of the population suffers some degree of "shallowness," but males are typically a target of this stereotype (guess we're more apparent about it than women are, on average). I guess a better example would be the movie "Shallow Hal." Check it out, and it'll give you the general idea.

i am not interested in looks, and i am also not "deep".
i never really understood what makes people look "beautiful"

i think that wrinkles and scabs and warts and other blemishes are visually unattractive (but they do not make me think less of their owners) , but beyond that i can not tell whether a persons face is pretty or not.

i have no sense of facial proportion really.
i used to use sites like http://www.facialbeauty.org/divineproportion.html tio investigate whether people were pretty or not, but i can not care now because i lost interest.


i think that how i feel in a persons company is the only important thing that i consider when i wonder whether i like someone.

I think there is an aesthetic difference between physical "beauty" and what is "attractive." I can totally appreciate a woman's physical appearance, without being attracted to her. For attraction to take place, I need to feel there is an intellectual connection.

But that doesn't stop me from looking at a woman, just to appreciate her physical appearance. In a way, it's like looking at a masterful painting or sculpture.

Wiith attraction (besides the intellectual part), I'm usually drawn to physical features that wouldn't be considered typically "beautiful" - but they are a big part of what I find "attractive."