where have all the 18-30 ladies gone?

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So I know there have been plenty of contentious threads I've started about how I can't even find any women my own age anymore. The prime suggestion by far was to find a different church than the one I'm in (since I've stated time and time again that my church lacks an 18-30 demographic). Well, I've talked to some people I know that go to different churches, and they've mentioned that their churches also have the same problem. It seems as though mainstream Christianity is repulsive to this age group, and so I'm still trying to figure out where have they gone off to? And to be honest, it's not just ladies I'm talking about, but just the 18-30 demographic in general, as most of my regular friends are either high schoolers or 40+

I think it's because they tend to be more socially liberal and like to experiment in that age group.

Many tend to stereotype Christianity as a religion that hates gays/lesbians, states that women should be submissive, states that God will strike people dead if they don't vote Republican, etc.

It's like that everywhere--yes, even Texas.

What it boils down to is "why do single adults who went to church with their families stop going as soon as they are adults and not go again until they are older and married?"

My guess? Probably a lot associate "going to church" with family as much as spirituality. They stop going as soon as they are adults and no longer required to go by their parents. They don't resume going until they get older, get married, and find themselves in a family mindset once again. You've said this church feels like family to you. That is a beautiful thig but it comes with a catch. The catch is that it invokes feelings of "family" in other people your age as well and while they are in their 20's, that's something they want to get away from while they spread their wings and try on different aspects of adulthood. They come back when they are older, settled and in family mode.

If this is where you are exclusively hoping to meet women, that explains your bad luck. You are choosing from a microscopically small pool because women your age aren't going to church.

At least they aren't going to that one. But I bet some of them are going to church. Which church? Most likely one that is geared towards people thier age rather than towards families. In other words, the churches on or near or affiliated with your college (you did say you were in college, I am hopefully not misremembering). To meet them you will need to step out of your comfort zone of the family-oriented church and- if you are interested mainly in Christian women- head to the less familiar but far more young-adult-populated churches in/near campus.

You are at a crossroads. If you confine yourself exclusively to this church you will always feel safe and accepted and among family. But you will also usually only be around women who are either actually still girls too young for an adult relationship (as you have learned) or women who are ready to start families with their husbands. Nice people to be around but not exactly a dating demographic for you. If you want to be around women in their 20's, you will need to go to where they gather. I'm NOT talking about bars/clubs. I know you aren't interested in that anyway. But perhaps your campus has a church you could investigate a little closer- even if only to find out if it has volunteer activities you could join without joining the actual church or has ancillary activities that are wholesome yet populated by single women in their 20's. This requires stepping out of your comfort zone but I think it's what you will need to do if you want to meet women your age.

That\'s because Atheism/Agnosticism is on the rise and religions are dying little by little.

Thanks lord.

Religous fundimentalism is a major turnoff for women 18-30. They are socially liberal and will probably STAY that way. There is a MAJOR generational gap, and religion is at the heart of it. Alot of folks who are not active see conservative churches as bastions of intolerance or worse. Liberal churches (unitarians, congregationalists, etc) tend to have young folks, but they are VERY different than conservative churches. The young folks usually come maybe once a month for "singles services" (which are mostly social gatherings where people meet to date).

So even when people are coming BACK to church it is usually an extremely different church than thier families original religion, one that more reflects thier values as an adult, rather than the values of thier previous religion.

Going to a family oriented church is a bad idea. You may want to look into singles nights at churches that focus on younger congregations.

Also realize "mainstream" christianity is not conservative christianity. Christian churches can be broken into four main groups: Conservative/Evangelical Protestant, Liberal Protestant, Mainline protestant Christianity (Lutherans and Methodists), and Catholics. For years Liberal churches were shrinking...now they are growing...because young women who are liberal are deciding they want to go into a church that is more in line with thier personal beliefs. None of these are mainstream. They are all a bit different. Many are very regional...liberal and catholic churches in the northeast, Mainline and catholic churches in the northern midwest. Evangelical and conservative christian churches in the south, etc. I am a unitarian-universalist who also participates in congregationalists mass. I am also a liberal christian (with a dash of humanism).

to the bathroom.

sorry. what first popped into my head. idk. mostly, as an 18-30 year old female, I hole myself up in my house.

that person sounded about right. try liberal churches. since i am not a church-goer, i don't about any people in there. however, some of my friends are christian and can be found in libraries. you can try there!

I think they are at Starbucks with their mothers, complaining about the lack of available men.

According to PEW research, church is one of the least likely places to meet a future partner. It ranked slightly above random encounters on the street and below school, work, friends, bars, parties, and shopping malls.

Maybe they're all sitting at home, writing on internet message boards.

I am a Lutheran, if that helps. We ordain women as pastors, and allow GLBT pastors now (although unlike the Episcopal/Anglican Church, we haven't actually ordained any yet).

They've taken husbands, every one.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

I'm a single, Christian, 18-to-30-year-old woman who doesn't go to church right now because I have no peers there. There are no other unmarried people my age of either gender at any of the churches in the small town in which I live. I tried for a long time, but there were no other peers there. Being socially awkward on top of it... I now spend Sunday mornings talking to my mother and browsing WP. Really. Maybe we all need to find each other and make a church or something. Then we could all pair off and get married, have 47 children and be accepted in church again!

OK, that was a little mean. But I never felt like I had a place because all the other young people were married with babies. There was no ministry for people like me. The best chance in the town I live in is to go to the university, but I'm a lot older than those kids and I went to school with all the people who run the Christian groups.

It makes life rather difficult, particularly when you want to find someone with similar beliefs to yourself. I have told people that I've just given up on the idea of finding anybody at all (at least in this town!), because all the single guys around here who are around my age are meth heads. But these things happen when we are least looking anyway.

Lutheran is mainline...as in moderate. They tend to be closer to the liberal congregations in some ways. Episcopal is mainline too. Alot of liberal and mainline churches are similiar, but I doubt you would find the sex ed program the unitarians and congregationalists do in sunday school in a lutheran church. With that being said...mainline protestants are probably closer to liberal churches in some ways, though they tend to vary regionally. I had some positive experiences with mainline churches.

Well, I'm 28 and you won't find me in a church any time soon, family or not. None of my family attend church, either, regardless of age. As has been stated, it's a terrible place to meet future partners as well, and extremely limiting in general. Church, it seems, it being slowly phased out, as it is.

Furthermore, Toad, I don't think you're going to find very compatible women for you there. You may share external values due to your choice of church and beliefs, but that can only carry either of you so far. I have little doubt you've got a spiritual "soul" connection out there with someone, but focusing on such a small set of desired characteristics may cause you to miss these deeper possibilities. And if it's someone who can be found in your church, you may find yourself playing the waiting game.

Without looking, it took me until 25 until, through soul searching and dreams, I found someone who's very compatible with me. You're only 20-21. I had my first relationship at 21, but it was experimental and I never cared to have one before that. Now there's one person I want to be with and we met through bizarre means. Keep open, look deep, and relax.

Same question was in my head at those ages.

From what I've seen, that is a good description - there is local variation in any of these organizations depending on the local people.

All I can contribute is to acknowledge that it is a frustrating spot to be in.

Yeah, that "Family" YOU ARE NOTHING IF YOU DON'T START A FAMILY - YOU MUST BE A FAMILY unspoken "Elephant in the room" undercurrent is powerful.

Singles are often insinuated as "defective" and needing to be "repaired".

Honestly, I have no documentable evidence ofr that, just that it is how I felt and what I though at the time.

I eventually married the gal who lived in apartment across hall from me.
Turned out we have very similar spiritual beliefs.
Although with rather different church, and family, experiences.

That was like my church.

One of the things I have noticed is that many young adults are still going to church, but they are leaving mainline Protestant/Catholic/Orthodox churches for the huge megachurches, because they have music that appeals more to young adults.

Christian music now covers all the same genres as mainstream music. I never thought I would see the day where there would be such a thing as "Christian Death Metal" music.

There is such a thing. Our youth pastor listens to it on a daily basis...